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“It’s gotta be. The Belgians don’t have tack. It was too big a saddle for any of the other horses round here. Plus, he put it in the private area. It’s definitely for Romeo. And… come see for yourself.”
I let Romeo off the crossties into the corral and amble with Bobby to the tack room. He points to a new saddle stand I never noticed, and sure enough, there rests a large saddle and a hook with a bridle and reins hanging above it.
Bobby stops next to the stand. “See?” He points to the saddle pad under the saddle and reads, “Romeo.It’s even personalized.”
I’m trying to be happy over any other emotion. After all, I wouldn’t have been able to afford tack for ages, and this has to be the sweetest present… no, all of Dash’s presents are sweet. Caring. Thoughtful. But totally out of place. One minute the guy is giving me gifts, and the next, he’s cold, standoffish, moving out, and stamping my heart under his boot.
Bobby runs a finger over the leather. “You know how to ride?”
“Kind of. I mean, I’ve been doing this for four years, so I’ve been on trail rides but never out on my own.”
“Well, I’m done for the day. I’ll join you if you want company?” he offers kindly.
I drink in the cool, handsome cowboy and think to myself that I could be taking up worse offers on a sunny Saturday. “Thanks, Bobby, honestly, I’d really love that.” Any distraction from my incessant focus on Dash is welcome. “Hound Dog was last out today, so his belly is probably least full. He’ll be up for it if he works for you?”
When Bobby runs off to fetch Hound Dog from the pasture, I drop Dash a text. It’s the right thing to do. And much as I’d like to avoid him forever, he’s still my boss, and moreover, we said we’d be friends.
Me
THANKS FOR THE TACK. FIRST RIDE ON MY HORSE TODAY. I REALLY DO APPRECIATE IT.
He doesn’t text back.
I bring Romeo in from the corral, and ten minutes later, Bobby and I are tacking up together and having a conversation about ice hockey. He’s going to the game tonight and tells me about how he used to watch Logan and Ashton Dane, when he was younger. Bobby is surprisingly humble when you get to know him, and I warm to him in a way I haven’t before.
The more we talk, the more I realize his bravado and ladies’ man facade is just that… a facade. He tells me about his high school sweetheart who never came back when she went off to college and how it broke his heart. He confesses she was the one who got away. He tells me he’s saving for his own herd of cattle because his grandpa just died and left him some land. I’m grateful for Bobby’s words because I don’t feel much like talking myself today and I could have much worse company.
While we’re off on the trails, Bobby asks if I have a boyfriend or anybody I’m waiting on. Before I answer no, I laugh softly to myself and think… I’ll be waiting a long, long time for the one I want.
And when I finally come back to the apartment, fingers frozen, nose red as a cherry, Dash’s bedroom is all packed up into a couple suitcases by the door, and that’s when it hits me. I won’t be waiting a long time. I’ll be waiting forever.
A profound, deep sadness overwhelms me, and only now, as my back hits the wall and I slide down, falling into a heap on the floor, do I realize just how much hope I had for us going somewhere. I stare at his suitcase and wonder how he can buy me tack and boots and make love to me the way he did, because yes, it was fucking, but it was fucking deeper than that, too… How can he do all of that one day and just walk out the next?
He’s left his hat on the hook, and it makes me think about his gorgeous wavy hair and how it felt between my fingers. It makes me think about how when he slept next to me, I inhaled his scent and it fucking smelled like home. It makes me think about him tipping it off his head briefly, flashing me a dimple and calling me Sunshine. He told me otherwise, but my heart didn’t believe we weren’t falling because itwasfalling.
I stare at his suitcases and think about how we won’t be having bacon and eggs anymore and carrot cake won’t appear with threatening notes to eat it. It will all be different now because even though we aren’t breaking up… that’s exactly what it is to me, and my heart feels like it’s being clawed by a wolverine. My nose stings, and I really don’t want to, but I start crying.
Why can’t I just pick a normal guy? Am I broken, too? Am I so messed up from my childhood that I have some weird complex, destined to choose people who I try to fix but will never love me back? And now I have to work with Dash every goddamn daaa…
“Sunshine?” His deep voice rolls down on me like fog.
Quickly, I wipe my eyes and turn my face away. “Oh, hey.”
“Are you crying?”
“No.”
He sits beside me against the wall. “Don’t lie to me, Mols. I can’t stand seeing you cry. What’s going on? I promise I’ll fix it. Whatever it is.”
“Yeah?” Something like anger creeps up my neck. “Be careful what you promise.”
“Is it Bobby?”
Of course he’d know we were out together. Dash knows all.
“No. Bobby’s nice now.”
He leans over and wipes some wetness from under my eye. “What is it then?”
