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“I don’t want ye ta feel guilty fer anythin’, not with me.” It’s the only thing I can say that I know he’ll understand.
Many times the men go off and do jobs that include violence like I know my father is capable of, but unlike my father, the people they torture and kill are bad men who deserve what’s comin’ ta them.
“I don’t know if it’s guilt. but I do feel somethin’. Doesn’t matter who’s in that chair,” Rebel tells me as he gestures with his head towards the entrance to the basement. “It’s about knowin’ right from wrong. We’re playin’ God when we should let the law handle it. But ye know how that goes down. Nothin’ will ever change the fact that men in uniform can’t do the job we can.”
I know he’s right. So many times, when I was growin’ up, the police would come ta the house, knowin’ my mother’s boyfriend and his mates were dealin’ in illegal shite. But they never did anythin’. Thing is, even if I’d told them, the police wouldn’t have helped, because they were bein’ paid ta turn a blind eye. I was left ta fend fer myself, which I did, and I survived.
“Ye know,” I start slowly as I consider my next words. “Since I first saw ye, I knew ye were different from a lot of the arseholes around here. It’s one of the reasons why I want ta be with ye.”
Rebel chuckles, then he looks at me and smiles. Whenever I see a happy expression on his face, it makes my heart skip a beat. I want it ta be because of me.
“Aye?” He arches a dark brow at me.
Noddin’, I say, “Aye. Ye know that anyway. I haven’t ever hidden how I feel about ye.”
My heart leaps into my throat when Rebel kills the smoke and turns ta face me fully. We’re inches apart now, and my breath hitches in my throat when he reaches fer my chin. He grips it between his thumb and forefinger and looks down at me.
“You shouldn’t want me,” he says. It’s somethin’ he’s told me, time and time again, but no matter how hard I try, I’ve never been able to change my feelin’s. He’s in my heart, and even now, seven years later, there’s no changin’ how much I love him. I think it’s only gotten stronger over time.
“Aye,” I whisper. “Perhaps I shouldn’t, but I can’t stop myself from feelin’ those emotions. They’ve been there since the first time I saw ye.”
I’ve never been so honest with him before. We have had a couple of drunken moments where we almost kissed, but he’s never allowed it ta go any further. The idea of his lips on mine has been racin’ through my mind fer years.
“I know,” Rebel says with a nod of understandin’.
Not once has he ever said he feels anythin’ fer me. Miren thinks he does, and she’s said as much ta me, but deep down, I can’t afford ta believe her. I can’t bring myself ta hope when it may not be true.
Silence hangs between us. It’s heavy, forebodin’. The sun has gone now, and as the night steals the day, darkness descends. I wonder if it’s a sign, an omen. I want nothin’ more right now than fer Rebel ta kiss me.
“I shouldn’t do this,” he murmurs before leanin’ in and brushin’ his lips against mine.
The connection is soft and gentle. My stomach flips over wildly, and my chest tightens as my heart thuds against my ribs. It’s a violent rhythm, remindin’ me I’m alive, but it doesn’t confirm if I’m dreamin’ or not.
It’s my fantasy playin’ out, one that’s put me at ease fer years. And now, as I stand here with Rebel’s lips on mine, I need ta pinch myself. He deepens the kiss, his lips teasin’ before his tongue darts out and tastes me. I open fer him, pressin’ my body to his, and soon we’re a tangle of limbs.
He lifts me up, his hands grippin’ my arse, and he holds me with my back leanin’ against the wall. My legs wrap around his waist. We fit perfectly. The hardness of him nestles into my curves as all those years of pent up tension, of hidden desires, spring forth, and I can’t stop the whimper of need that tumbles from my lips.
“If we do this,” Rebel says between kissin’ me, trailin’ his lips down my neck, and bitin’ down on the sensitive flesh just under my earlobe, “there’s no goin’ back.”
I don’t want ta go back. My pulse spikes at the idea of what we’re about ta do. This is what I’ve been wantin’ fer since the moment I met him. I can’t ever stop my feelin’s fer him.
Rebel pulls away from me, then smiles.
