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Ihad been unbearable since I woke up without Ash. It had been nearly two weeks and while I didn’t act out the way I had when Mel left, it was glaringly obvious to everyone in my way that I was not happy.
It just wasn’t the same feeling.
With Mel, it was anger, embarrassment, and confusion—disguised as heartbreak—and I took those feelings out on the field and with my fists.
With Ash, I just fucking wanted her.
Missed her.
There wasn’t one emotion or feeling that I could pinpoint.
For the first few days, I was fine, because Ash leaving was exactly the way it was supposed to be. We were never meant to see each other that night, it was not supposed to happen. She made it easy on both of us by heading out while I slept.
Then I told myself that if she drunk-dialed me again, that she was on her own. I couldn’t keep worrying about her and obsessing. Mel had been trying to call me and that was all I could handle as far as women went.
But that didn’t last long.
By the end of the week, I was pissed–mostly at myself. I just couldn’t decide if I was pissed because I should have called her, or because Iwantedto call her. It seemed unreal that a young girl, still in college, was capable of digging so deeply under my skin. I had no business trying to turn her life upside down when I couldn’t even get a handle on my own.
Through Sandy, I knew Colin had rejoined the team and he wasn’t going to ask me to keep working with Ash. She had been playing well and I was supposed to be focusing on my own team for the rest of the season.
I should have been relieved.
But I wasn’t.
To make matters worse, Mel was still trying to weasel her way back into my life and I had no idea why, or what prompted her to reach out. That first night she texted me, I laid on the couch and considered what I would tell her if we actually talked. But I realized I didn’t even care anymore. Even as her texts continued to roll in, giving me a million reasons she wanted to see me, I just wasn’t interested.
And it wasn’t because I was choosing Ash–she wasn’t even an option. I was choosing myself, finally realizing that Mel didn’t deserve me. It was like I had been so desperate for a wife and kids that I disregarded things about Mel that I didn’t love at all. I hated myself for the time I had already wasted on her, so I blocked her number and took a deep breath, closing that chapter of my life.
If only that solved all my problems.
Toward the end of the second week, I knew I was fucked. Ash never called or texted me so I was sure she was doing fine, but I continued to spiral from my need to reach out to her. I found myself hoping she lost focus again and Colin would call me to help. All I needed was one tiny excuse and I wouldn’t be able to stop myself from seeing her.
“You’re back to being an asshole,” Cruz shoved me, almost knocking me off the stool in front of my locker.
“Yeah,” Tripp agreed. “What’s up with you?”
“Don’t worry about it,” I growled, giving Cruz a warning to shut up with just a look. The last thing I needed was more people knowing about Ash. It was already going to be a shit show if Hunter decided to tell Colin I had been sleeping with his left wing.
“Wanna grab a drink tonight?” Tripp asked both Cruz and me.
“Actually,” Cruz licked his lips and started rubbing his hands together. “I’m going to the university and watching the ladies’ soccer game tonight.”
“What?” I yelled, standing from my stool.
“What?” he echoed me, a tiny laugh highlighting his accent a little more. “There’s a girl there that I am dead set on fucking, and she asked me to come.”
My eyes beaded at him while Tripp looked at me obliviously. “So just us?”
“Actually,” I answered, without taking my eyes off Cruz. “I’m gonna go to the game, too.”
“I thought you had dinner plans with your brother,” Cruz smirked.
“I can do both.”
Tripp snorted and turned around to leave, giving up on Cruz and me. “Okay, you two go have fun with that. I’m not messing around with co-eds.”
“You’re practically a co-ed yourself,” Cruz yelled at him as he got further away.
