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I only hope Cole doesn’t hate me for what I’m about to do.
* * *
As soon asI step inside Starbucks, I catch sight of Livvy at the corner table. She smiles warmly, and I walk to the counter to buy myself a coffee so that I don’t seem too eager, even though it will probably taste like hot dishwater in my present turmoil.
No wonder I’ve lost so much weight. Nothing tastes good since I moved out of that house.
I’m hopeful that Livvy will take pity on me today. The last time I saw her was when she and Cole came over for dinner. She said if I ever needed someone to pray for me, she would be there, that I could reach out to her any time.
I’m a bastard for taking her up on her offer, but I’m too desperate to regret it.
When I sit down with my coffee, Livvy’s expression grows stern. “Cole isn’t very happy with you.”
“I know. He texted me.” A smile quirks at my lips. “He called me a sneaky bastard.”
Her mouth tightens. “He thinks you invited me here to get information about Whitney. He didn’t want me to come, but I told you I’d be here to pray for you, and I meant it.”
I sigh before taking a sip of my coffee. As predicted, it tastes like hot mud. “I imagine that’s all I’ll be getting. A prayer.”
“No.” She leans forward and sets her elbows on the table. “I can see that you’re having a hard time. If you want to just talk, we can do that too.”
“You mean you’ll listen to me while I talk about how awful my life is?”
Her brow furrows. There’s so much pity in her expression, I ought to be embarrassed. It’s crazy that I’m not.
God damn. This is the power Whitney has over me. Without her, I have nothing left.
“Is it really that bad?” Livvy asks.
I laugh humorlessly. “You mean you can’t tell? I get asked daily if I’m doing alright. I have to assume I look like shit.”
Her gaze drifts over me. “You look sort of pale. Are you sleeping alright?”
“No.” I lean back into the stiff wooden chair. “I make up for it with lots of caffeine. And whiskey has been my bedtime story.”
She frowns. “Whiskey is not a cure for insomnia. Alcohol makes sleep worse. You might want to look into antidepressants.”
I shake my head sharply. “I don’t want to dull the pain. I need all the motivation I can get if I want to win her back.”
She crosses her arms over her chest. “That’s the silliest thing I’ve ever heard. Becoming a healthier person makes it more likely you’ll win her back.”
I lean forward. “So you think I could? You think there’s a chance?”
Her lips close, and she looks away. “There’s no way I could know that.”
“But you do know if she’s seeing someone.”
Her posture grows stiff. “It’s not appropriate for me to answer that.”
“Livvy…” My voice trembles. “This whole thing isn’t appropriate. I never should have invited you here, especially when Cole and I are just starting to…get close again.”
Her head jerks up. “Exactly. Why would you do this to him?”
I sigh. “He’ll forgive me. This is different than…what I did before. I’ve finally woken up. Livvy, I can’t…” When my voice cracks, I take a deep breath through my nose. “I need her. Please tell me if she’s seeing someone. Please just… I don’t want to be caught off guard. I don’t want to find out at a really inopportune moment. I’m broken right now. Do you understand?”
Her expression is full of compassion, and a bit of the tension eases in my throat. My son sure found a good woman. I see why he loves her. He’s built just like me, and she reminds me of Whitney in a way. There’s so much kindness in her you can almost feel it, like warm afternoon sunlight.
“I do understand,” she says. “Back when Cole and I were just friends, I found out that he…slept with a friend of mine, and it crushed me. I found out when we were all out at In-N-Out Burger, and he was sitting right across from me. It was awful, because back then, I didn’t want him to know how I felt, and it was hard for me to hide it.”
