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How is it possible that my childhood best friend is going to be a wife in two months?
“Oh, wow.” Livvy’s voice is just above a whisper as she stares at herself in the mirror, her big doe eyes roving up and down the dress. “Am I cheesy for wanting to cry?”
“Are you kidding me?” My voice is shaky. “I’m already crying.”
“Me too,” Vanessa squeaks. She rushes to her sister and wraps her arms around her. “I can’t believe you’re getting married, and you’re going to have babies soon.”
Livvy giggles even as a tear falls down her cheek. “It’s surreal, huh? Like I’m only pretending. Like when we made veils out of paper when we were little. Remember that, Mari?”
My throat grows tight. “Yes,” I say, but that’s not the memory playing in my mind.
I’m pulled back in time. I see a beautiful face hovering over me while I sit on the hard lid of the toilet. As her deft fingers move, featherlight strokes brush over my eyelids.
“Who are you going to marry today?”Sofia asks.
“Papi,”I answer, and her laughter drifts through me like music.
Is that how it really happened, or has the memory grown warmer and softer over the years, as if it were touched by gentle morning sunlight? Loss seems to do that to memory.
The Sofia from that day is gone. That version of me is gone, too.
They’ll never come back.
ChapterEight
Brandon
I have a new plan for today.
Mariana’s confession that I was rude to her weighed on my conscience. I can’t inadvertently punish her for something she’s not even intending to do. My lust is my responsibility.
It’s not her fault she has those dancing eyes and that mischievous smile. It’s not her fault she has those delicate curves I can’t keep my eyes from roaming. I’m being selfish keeping her locked away at the back of the church just because I can’t keep my horny thoughts in check.
Before I went to bed last night, I prayed that God would help me get through this month of being constantly around Mariana. This morning, I woke up with a message from God.
You were meant to do this.
From the moment the words echoed in my heart, I knew what they meant. Hector’s request for me to talk to Mariana wasn’t a fluke. Right now, she needs me. I felt it yesterday when she talked about growing up questioning God in a family of devout Christians. It wasn’t a coincidence that she told me specifically.
I’m her pastor, even if she doesn’t believe. I’m the one called by God to help her. For the first time, I truly believe I can.
I’ll show her that she’s perfect just the way she is. If God wanted her to believe, he would have called her. There wouldn’t be so many beliefs in the world if God expected us all to be of one mind.
I can minister to her in a way that respects her lack of faith.
Ministering to her will help me as well. Our spiritual connection will transcend the lust I feel. Even if twinges of it remain, my heart will be too full of compassion for them to trouble me.
There’s a soft knock before Mariana’s lovely face appears in my office doorway. I’m not even bothered by the fact that I want to bite that full bottom lip of hers. I’m human, and I can’t control my thoughts, but I don’t have to let them rule me.
“Harper is at lunch, so I’m filling in for her,” she says. “Nolan and his mom are here.”
I nod. “Ask his mom if she wouldn’t mind waiting in the lobby or the prayer room. I’d prefer to speak to Nolan alone.”
She nods and disappears. Shortly after, she guides Nolan into my office. He holds a slight smirk, and my shoulders tense.
Jesus, help me. I know he’s just a kid, and at one time, I had a cocky attitude just like his.
Maybe that’s why he annoys me so much.
