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I usually tell him my struggles. If I had violated my celibacy vow with any other woman, I would have unburdened myself to him immediately.
That sin will be taken to my grave. He’ll never know what I did to his daughter.
I smile faintly, though my lips quiver. “We won’t tell your family.”
Mariana
A tingle of discomfort skitters over my skin. Sofia got home hours ago, and she didn’t say a word. She went straight to her room.
Is she sad that Brandon broke up with her? I wouldn’t have expected it. Irritated maybe, but not sad.
Guilt claws my insides.
Even if she isn’t invested in Brandon, it still must have hurt to be rejected by him. Finn’s defection left her heart in a fragile state. If she’s grieving behind that shut door, it’s from the resurrected pain of her broken engagement.
Years ago, I would have gone into her bedroom on the second story of our old house. I would have plopped down on her bed with the white comforter and bright-blue sheets. She would have been sitting at her desk, pretending to work on college homework. She’d roll her eyes at me and tell me she needed privacy, but then I’d ask her what’s wrong in a voice just for her. She’d break down crying—like she did with her first boyfriend—and I’d rush over to her and wrap my arms around her shoulders. She’d say she was fine in a voice mixed with tearfulness and exasperation, but she wouldn’t push me away.
What would she do if I went in there now?
She’d be as silent as death, and it would feel like it too. Like how I knew Abuelo was gone as soon as we walked into his hospital room a decade ago. The silence of death is so thick you can almost touch it. I feel the death of my relationship with Sofia every moment I’m around her.
The door opens, and Sofia walks to the kitchen. She doesn’t acknowledge my presence, but there’s nothing unusual about that.
“How was your coffee date?” I ask, unable to help myself.
As she opens the fridge, she lets out a soft little laugh, which eases the tension in my shoulders.
She’s not sad that he broke up with her.
“He wanted to end our…whatever you call it. Relationship, I guess.” Her smile grows. “Because he messed around with someone.”
My stomach does a little turn. She wouldn’t be smiling right now if she knew who it was. In fact, she’d probably be at our parents’ house telling on both me and Brandon.
I clear my throat. “He told you that?”
A little giggle escapes her mouth as her eyes grow unfocused, as if she’s reflecting. “You know how honest he is about sin. I’ve always admired that about him. I know pastors are human, but…” Her dark eyes probe into my face. “Who do you think it was?”
I can’t help but smile. She rarely ever initiates gossip with me like she used to when we were younger. This is the kind of conversation she would now have with Dani.
“I don’t know,” I say, unable to stop from indulging her even in my deceit. “It wouldn’t be someone in his congregation.”
She frowns. “Well, of course not.”
My throat grows tight. I cough to clear it. “Maybe someone he met at the gym.”
Her eyes grow wide as she smiles. “I think he still has a contact list full of women. You know he was a big man-whore before he was saved. I bet he called up an old hookup buddy.”
Her childish grin makes mist rise to my eyes. Oh God, I miss this so much. This is how she and I used to talk to each other. This was part of my everyday life.
I smile. “Maybe two. He seems like a threesome guy.”
“Mariana Isabel!” she scolds, though her chest shakes with laughter. “Don’t you dare give me that mental image. I have to listen to this man preach the word of God.”
I wave a hand. “No one will expect you to help out on Saturdays if you guys aren’t dating anymore.”
Her smile fades. “No, that’s just between us. We’re not going to tell the rest of the family until after Livvy’s wedding.”
My skin heats. “Why?”
