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Sofia doesn’t know what she’s saying. She doesn’t know who she’s talking about, first of all, and she can’t help that she was raised to think this way. First Covenant taught her these ideas. She’s a victim of a misogynistic self-serving view of the Bible.
Still, a deep part of me can’t help but hate her a little bit for saying something so ugly about Mariana.
I shake my head. The weight of my sins bears down on my body, making my movements sluggish. “No, I wouldn’t say that about her. But my feelings for her are only physical.”
Liar.
The word is as clear and resonant as if God spoke it from heaven. How could my feelings for her be only physical when I came into this already loving her like my own flesh and blood?
Fuck. What if that familial love becomes something more? What if I fall in love with her for real?
God help me if that ever happens.
“I forgive you.”
The words jerk me out of my head. “What?” I nearly shout at her.
She licks her lips. “I do. I know it must be so hard for a man to stay celibate until marriage. You’re so physically driven. I sin every day. My sins are different, granted, but I’d be a hypocrite to judge you for your struggles. Look what you did.” She smiles faintly. “You came to me right after it happened. That shows that you’re aware of your sin and trying to make it right.”
“Sofia, I don’t want you to give me credit for—”
“No, let me finish.” Her voice grows louder. “I don’t expect my boyfriend to be perfect. He can’t expect perfection from me either. I believe we’ll have to work together every day to make our relationship work. And that means frequently having to say the words ‘I’m sorry’ and ‘I forgive you.’ I know we’re not fully dating but…” She lowers her eyes to the table.
My throat squeezes so tight I have to cough to clear it. God, she’s so sweet. Never in the months that I’ve been courting her have my feelings for her ever been so clear to me. What was I thinking starting this? Unlike what I feel for her sister, my love for Sofia is truly familial.
She’s like a little sister to me.
“Sofia…” I groan as I run a hand through my hair. “I can’t keep courting you. It was never right to begin with. I’m starting to realize that my feelings for you are more—”
“You’re not into me.”
I jerk back. When my gaze roams her face, a small smile tugs at her lips.
“I know,” she says. “And I won’t lie and say it doesn’t hurt my feelings a little bit, but I can understand, in a way. Hearing my dad talk about me like I’m a pathetic loser who will never get married probably didn’t help.”
“Sofi,” I say, softening my voice. “He never said anything like—”
“I know he didn’t say it outright, but don’t lie to me and say that he doesn’t constantly talk about the fact that I’m almost thirty and still single.”
Heat washes over my skin, and I lower my eyes to the wooden table. I can’t deny it. He talks about it constantly.
“I won’t ask you to betray his trust. You’re his friend, and he needs to be able to vent to you, but just think of what it’s like for me. I lost everything three years ago…”
When she takes a deep breath and lifts her coffee to her mouth, I reach out and set my hand on hers. “I know, honey.”
Honey. It’s the word I used to call Ethan when he was a baby, and here it just rolled off the tongue. How could I have ever thought I could have a physical relationship with this woman?
“Can we at least wait until Livvy’s wedding to stop officially courting?” she asks, her voice firm and clear. “You know being there is going to be really hard for me. It would be even worse if I didn’t have a date.”
Mariana’s words from yesterday echo in my head.She needs to get over him.Though it’s not my place to decide when Sofia’s heart heals, I don’t love the idea of indulging her pride this far.
“Finn is Livvy’s cousin,” Sofia says. “There’s no way I can escape him. He’ll be there with his wife and baby. The baby he conceived while I was making wedding favors—” Her voice chokes, and she shuts her eyes.
I wrap my hand around her tiny one. “We can wait. It’s not like I’m going to pursue this other woman. We can wait to call things off officially until after the wedding.”
Her eyes pop open, and a joyous smile overtakes her face. “And we won’t tell my family?”
My chest squeezes. I hate the idea of lying to Hector, but I’m already lying by omission on another count.
