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I smile sadly as I play with the hair hanging over her shoulder. “It was bound to happen.”
She scowls, gritting her teeth. “Bound to happen? You think that little of me?”
I repress a smile. She’s too fragile right now for me to point out that she actually did the thing that she’s outraged at me for predicting.
“I don’t think little of you at all. I just think given your history with Finn, and how much he hurt y—”
“It’s still disgusting, Mari. Finn has a wife. I violated the covenant of marriage. I gave my purity…” Her lips quiver. “I gave up my purity to a married man. I had an affair. I’m a sinner.”
I squeeze her hand. “Aren’t we all sinners?”
She lets out a groan, collapsing back onto the couch and covering her face with her hands. “You don’t get it,” she mumbles into her palms. “You could never get it because sex means nothing to you. I gave up everything. I hate myself.”
I reach out and gently pull her hands away from her face, leaning in to catch her gaze. “I don’t buy that purity bullshit. You didn’t give him anything other than sex.”
“I don’t know how I’ll ever forgive myself,” she whispers as if she didn’t hear me, her eyes filling with tears again.
“You will,” I say firmly. “You made a mistake because you’re human, but you won’t beat yourself up forever, because you know it won’t do any good. What’s done is done. The best thing you can do for Finn’s wife is leave him behind.”
She sniffs, wiping her eyes. “Do you think I need to tell her what happened?”
I squeeze her hand. “That’s up to you. I don’t think you need to make any decisions right away though. Let yourself heal first.”
She nods slowly, her eyes dazed. “You really don’t think less of me?”
I snort. “Four days ago, I was bent over a pastor’s desk with my ass in the air.”
She slams her palm over her mouth and bursts into laughter, and I laugh with her. God, it feels so good to laugh after the misery of the past few days.
Sofia shoots me a watery smile. “Thanks for traumatizing me, by the way. I think that image is burned into my memory forever. That and Brandon’s…” She lowers her voice. “Penis.”
My laughter turns into a shrieking cackle. “He has a nice one, huh?”
She wrinkles her nose. “Gross. I don’t think penises can possibly look nice. I didn’t even see Finn’s, thankfully. It was too dark.”
I suck in my lips. “Am I allowed to ask you how it was? Your first time, I mean?”
Her expression grows stern. “No, Mariana Isabel, you’re not. I’m not going to compound my sin by adding lust and gossip to it. I need you to give me the space to repent.”
“I can do that.”
She stares at me for a long while, mischief alighting her eyes. “It was good though,” she says quickly. “Really good.”
My eyes grow huge, and she smiles slyly back at me.
Lightness fills my body. My God, this is what I’ve longed for since we’ve grown apart. I’ve wanted to sit and talk about boys together like we did years ago.
All isn’t lost. I can pick up the pieces and move on. Even if I’ll never have the man I love, my family will always be here for me. My imperfect family who loves me fiercely.
ChapterThirty-One
Brandon
It’s now been six days. Six days of hearing almost nothing from her. I’ve been texting daily asking when we can get together, and she’s been putting me off. She finally gave me more than a few words yesterday when she told me we needed to wait until after Livvy and Cole’s wedding to have our talk, that she’s too busy to talk now.
Why am I so desperate to talk to her? It’s not like it will change anything. The best way to show her how much I love her is to remove myself from her life. She deserves so much more than a self-indulgent, broken man.
I run my finger over the worn-out leather on the couch. The whole room smells like beer, and I’ve never felt older in my life. Here I am, sitting in the living room of a frat house, seeking comfort from my baby brother who’s now all I have left in the world.
