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Sienna baby, I’m coming for you.
CHAPTER31
SIENNA
I’m pretty sure I am close to dead.
The only reason I am still breathing at this point is for the tiny sliver of hope that remains in my shattered life.
My baby.
Every sip of water, every slice of toast Maddie forces me to eat is for the baby, not for me.
I don’t want to be alive.
My mom was right. I am worthless, and no one will love me. I don’t even deserve this child.
After my breakdown at the hospital, I haven’t shed a single tear since. Not one.
I feel nothing.
I curl back into a ball and wrap my arms around my stomach, almost as if I am clinging on to the only part of my life I want.The bed dips as Maddie climbs in, wrapping her arms around me, her warm tears drip on my shoulder.
“Sienna, I know you don’t want to but I really need you to talk to me now. It’s killing me watching you fade away. You haven’t even shown a flicker of emotion since I picked you up from the hospital. Please, Sienna, just give me something. Let me know you are still in there somewhere.”
Tears prick behind my eyes. It’s the first time since he left that I have felt any emotion.
“I don’t know what to do Maddie. How am I supposed to live without him? How could he do this to me?”
Now I’ve started, and I can’t stop. It’s like an explosion of pent-up emotion is erupting through me.
“How am I supposed to take care of a baby when I can’t even get out of bed? How am I supposed to live the rest of my life without him? How am I ever going to be happy again? Tell me. Help me. What should I do?”
My body starts to tremble. Maddie tightens her grip, resting her hand on top of mine, over my belly.
“You will always have me, Sienna. I promise you. I am not going anywhere. I will help you every step of the way. But I need you to help yourself, too. I love you, but I can’t sit here and watch you almost kill yourself.”
A sob shakes my body as the tears finally escape. I can barely breathe as my chest heaves for air.
“I’m so sorry Maddie. I’m so, so sorry.”
“It’s okay Si. It will all be okay.” She whispers more reassuring things as she strokes my hair, letting me cry my heart out in her embrace.
I cry and cry until there’s nothing left. The world fades into darkness and I slip into a deep sleep.
* * *
After I finally wake, there's a nagging feeling telling me I need to shower. I need to do something. So that’s what I do. Despite my body aching all over, I make it into the shower and let the water scold me, let it distract me from the pain inside. I cry again until I can’t physically force any more tears from my eyes.
I don’t even bother looking in the mirror. I know it’s not good.
After showering and throwing on some leggings and a jumper, I finally decide to brave it outside of my bedroom. With slow steps, I find my way to the kitchen and flip on the kettle.
“Maddie, do you want a coffee?” I shout and instantly regret it as pain shoots through my ribs, causing me to double over.
“Hey, it’s okay. You sit down and I’ll make them,” she says as she snakes her arm around my waist, taking my weight and walking me to the couch.
The steam from the coffee fills my nose as I breathe it in, clearing my airways.
