Page 59 of Survive for Me


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“I do. And for as much as I get a weird fucked up high out of hurting you with my dick, out of making you scream, there’s a big difference between hurting you for pleasure, and just hurting you. If I did something awful to you just because I can’t control this other thing right now…”

“We can find out if I can control it.”

“That’s not a smart game to play.”

“I can’t imagine adding one more bad decision to my life will really make that much of a difference,” I said.

“You might feel differently about that if I killed you, baby.”

The shift that happened in his eyes made me hesitate that time, and then I felt like an asshole when his fingers dug into my skin another time. Something in my face had changed to match his and he saw that too. I didn’t want him to think that I believed he was this monster that he believed he was.

“For as much as I fucking love that you get off on the way I hurt you and the way I get off on your fear of me, I don’t want to really hurt you. I don’t ever plan to let you go either, though, so we’ll have to figure it out eventually. I don’t want to be just another man you feel like you have to escape from to find safety in someone else.”

“I hear what you’re trying to tell me. I really do. But I also still think I’m willing to risk it,” I said and ran my hands from the top of his shorts all the way up to his chest. “This is the thing we do really well together, J. Otherwise, I’m just making you crazy and you’re driving me out of my mind.”

I moved my hands to the sides of his face and around the back of his neck into his hair.

“Triss.”

It was supposed to be a warning, but the way my name sounded coming from him like that only made it worse. It was breathy, guttural, almost desperate. It was the same way he sounded every time he was buried deep inside me.

I leaned forward to whisper into his ear. “Don’t make me call you Kyle again.”

I didn’t even get to sit upright all the way again before his hand was around my neck to pull me down to kiss me. For the first time in weeks, I felt like I could really breathe again. Like I was safe again. Somehow, I felt like I was home in the middle of this state where I’d never actually fucking lived and knew no one outside of the people on this property. I moaned into his mouth when his hips started to move up against me.

Friction.

Beautiful fucking friction.

Finally.

His hand went from holding me in place by my throat to the back of my neck and he untied the string of my bikini top before I could regain control of my brain to do anything about it. My hands immediately went up to my own breasts to cover myself.

“J,” I whispered and smiled against his mouth between his kisses. “We should probably go inside.”

“Why? I own the place out here just as much as I do in there.”

“There are other people here, Jersey.”

“Then they should probably consider leaving.”

His free hand ventured further up my thigh until his thumb was resting against my clit, leaving just some hilariously thin fabric separating our skin.

“Jersey,” I tried again. He moved my suit bottoms until his fingers found terribly sensitive skin and I sucked in a shaky breath at the slightest contact. My eyes closed and I leaned forward until my forehead was against his. I started to grind my hips against his hand before my brain reminded me yet again that we were just outside in plain sight. I sat up again, keeping my hands very much over my own nipples.

“Someone could see this,” I insisted.

“Wouldn’t bother me. Couple of them could use a good look at the way that I make you come for me,” he said. “And me alone.”

“The house is right there, you lunatic. It’s like twenty feet,” I said and nodded over his head toward the door.

“Oh no, baby. That’s not how this works. You’ve been begging for this for days. And it’s happening. Now.”

He pushed a single finger inside me and used his other hand to grab one of my wrists. He pulled my whole body closer to him with it since I was still using my hands to cover myself. He just barely kissed me. Just enough to make me entirely prepared to beg for him to do it again.

“Move your hands, Fancy Face.” He kissed his way from my jaw down my neck. “Let me see you.”

I couldn’t do anything but fucking moan at his words. He stopped breathing entirely when I finally moved to lace my fingers behind his neck.

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