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“Sam?”
CHAPTER 10
SAM
Of all the people I expected to walk into the Narcotics Anonymous meeting this morning, Clink wasn’t one of them. I had a split second fear that I was wrong before and he was here for me or something, but he looked none too pleased to be here and his friend wasn’t discreet in saying he had a relapse. I recognized him as one of the terrifying guys from that office meeting, though I never did learn his name. He had his hand on Clink’s shoulder, like he was keeping him from running away.
When Tyson told Clink to stick around, I wanted to hide. There was no way we’d get through this meeting without him realizing I was here. I didn’t want to hinder his process or anything by threatening his anonymity. I didn’t know he’d come here or I wouldn’t have volunteered today.
“Sam?”
Shit.
Tyson looked over his shoulder at me with a frown. “You two know each other?”
Well, now I just looked stupid hiding on the other side of the room, so with a grimace, I crossed the room to join them.
“Hey, Clink.”
He looked confused, staring at me. The longer he stared, the more awkward I felt. I started chewing on the side of my nail without thinking about it, jumping when Tyson grabbed my hand and gently pushed it away from my mouth. He knew I hated that habit and he didn’t mention it other than to help me. Clink’s brows drew down further, his gaze flicking between me and Tyson.
“You volunteer here or something?” The man behind Clink spoke low, his expression more curious. I mean, as curious as you can look when you still look like you could murder anyone and everyone in the room with no effort. It wouldn’t surprise me if this dude didn’t know how to smile.
I nodded slowly. I started coming to the community center after Tyson took me in. There was a teen outreach program across the hall that I normally volunteered at, but Tyson needed a hand today, so I stuck around. I volunteered here before and the members didn’t mind me hanging around since it was an open meeting on Fridays, but I was seriously regretting being here today of all days.
“Sam volunteers here when we need her. Usually she’s across the hall at the teen center, but they’re on a field trip today. We’ve got some treats in the back if you’re hungry. We’ll be starting the meeting soon.” Tyson to the rescue. He redirected the conversation before tipping his head toward the little set up where everyone else was taking a seat. I could see a few people who were none too pleased about Clink and his friend being here. I understood why, but Clink was looking to get sober and that was all that mattered.
“Come on.” Tyson led me away with a hand on my upper back, sitting me down in the front near him. I used to hide in the back, I didn’t think I belonged there because I wasn’t a user, but after a few years, I lost some of the self consciousness. The people here were kind, and since they knew I was here with Tyson and that I wasn’t going to cause them any trouble, they didn't mind me being around.
The uncertainty came screaming back now that Clink was here, though. I was supposed to go back to the MC after this to start on the assessment. There was no avoiding him, especially since Croy said Clink would be who I worked with during the whole repair. This would put a serious awkwardness to our relationship and I felt bad being here.
Tyson moved to the podium in front, smiling down at the group. “Good morning, everyone. I’m glad you’re here. As most of you all know, my name is Tyson and I’m an addict.”
I tried to pay attention while he went through the motions of the meeting, but my knee started bouncing restlessly as I fought back the urge to look over my shoulder at Clink. I wanted to know what he was thinking, or if he was pissed at me for being here.
“And now I’d like to invite my friend Sam up here to speak. Sam?”
Blinking a few times, I looked up with a frown. “I– What?”
He flashed me a soft smile. “You had a rough day the other day with your family. Maybe you’d like to tell us what happened?”
Stunned, I just stared at him. I didn’t belong up there. I wasn’t an addict.
Bart, a long-time member, nudged my shoulder, jerking his chin toward the podium. “We know you ain’t usin’, Sammy. But you’re here a lot. If we can help, we will.”
My stomach twisted into knots as I pushed to my feet, looking around the room. All I saw were encouraging smiles, but I still didn't feel right going up there. And I hated public speaking.
Tyson stepped off the podium, taking my hands and squeezing them with a smile. “It’ll be good for them to see that they aren’t alone in their struggles. And you did the right thing by calling me. Tell them about it. Let them support you.”
It took a second for it to sink it before I realized what he was doing. He was always pushing me to trust people more. After what happened with my family, I kept people at a distance. But I’ve been volunteering here for years. I didn’t distrust the people here. Turning so that they couldn’t see me, I gave Tyson an irritated look. He just smiled, leaning closer to whisper to me.
“You need more people in your corner. And maybe if you hear it from more people, you’ll realize it wasn’t your fault.”
My heart picked up, and I thought about telling him no, but I trusted Tyson. If he thought it’d be good for me, then I’d give it a shot. And if it went poorly, then maybe I’d finally stop lying to myself. I took a few deep breaths, hesitantly moving to stand behind the podium. Bouncing on my toes, I tried not to grimace.
“Uh, hi. I’m Sam and I’m… not an addict.” I paused while the group chuckled. “I, uh… had a bad day the other day, though.” I cleared my throat nervously. “Last weekend, I got a phone call from my sister. We hadn’t spoken since she cut me off after our parents died. She and a lot of other people blamed me for what happened and–” I paused, dropping my gaze from the crowd to my hands. “I blamed myself for a long time, too. I still do sometimes. Anyway… She wanted me to go back to her church and show the congregation that I was no longer an embarrassment to the family. She said I owed her.”
I swallowed hard at the memory. Tyson stayed on my couch that night to make sure I was okay, but it took a few days for me to feel like myself again.
