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Slowly, I turned my head to look at him. His face took on a sympathetic look, and he shook his head slowly. “I’m just trying to help you, Julie. You and I were a thing once upon a time. I’d hate to see him fire you in front of the whole gala. Especially in a get up like that. It’s just embarrassing.”
My chin trembled, and my eyes burned with unshed tears. Alan smiled at me, knocking his knuckle under my chin. “Chin up, babe. I’m sure you’ll find someplace better somewhere else. Maybe try a library or something. Somewhere where you don’t have to interact with people as much. I think you’ve embarrassed enough people for one lifetime.”
Shame settled heavily over my shoulders, and I dropped my gaze to my feet. He had a point. I was constantly embarrassing myself and others. Grayson’s furious scowl flashed in my head again and I sank in on myself a little.
“I’m… I’m going home.”
Alan’s voice was sickly sweet, like he was trying to be sympathetic. “You do that. Should I let people know you won’t be coming back or–”
I pushed past him, making a beeline for the exit. I had to get out of here. I couldn’t breathe. I just kept seeing Grayson’s glare, hearing his dismissive tone. You’ve done enough. God, I truly was an idiot. I got too full of myself and ruined what was supposed to be an important night for him.
“Julie?” Bennett’s voice called out to me. I thought about ignoring him, pretending I didn’t hear it, but he appeared in front of me, Luka popping up beside him. I forced a small smile that felt more like a grimace.
“H-Hey…”
Bennett frowned at me, but Luka spoke first before he could say anything.
“Hey, I wanted to talk to you about something. You got a minute?”
I could feel the eyes on my back, burning into me and threatening to buckle me. Harsh whispers from the people closest to me. One of them was loud enough for me to hear a bit of it and I winced when I heard the word ‘whore’.
“I-I’m not sure. I–”
“I know you’re really busy with Grayson, and it’ll only take a minute. I just… There’s been something I’ve been meaning to talk to you about and I’m worried if I keep waiting around, I’ll never work up the nerve.”
Nodding helplessly, I shuffled forward, following him to the other side of the columns, where there was a little more privacy. He ran his fingers through his hair, anxiety etched into his fingers. I did my best to give him my full attention, but the buzzing in my ears was getting louder and I couldn’t really take in what he was saying.
“... I’ve always had a big question mark about it, but I never had the nerve to really look into it. I don’t want you to think it's anything about you…”
My heart stuttered. It sounded like he was breaking up with me and my heart couldn’t take it.
“So we’ve been… experimenting, I guess. Just little stuff for now. I don’t know. And I was thinking, if you’re okay with it, that you might–”
I couldn’t concentrate on what he was saying. The buzzing was so loud, I could only hear half the words and I couldn’t look him in the eye. If I did, he’d see me cry, and I didn't want to embarrass him. I shook my head quickly. “I’m sorry. I can’t do this right now.”
Pushing past him, I made a mad dash for the front door. Everything had been perfect for a few minutes. I should’ve known it would fall apart spectacularly. I wasn’t good enough for a life like that, with handsome men who thought I was worthwhile and more happiness than I thought possible for one lifetime. I wasn’t meant for things like that. I was an embarrassment, an experiment, a temporary figure in the lives of these perfect men.
A sob worked its way up my throat, choking me, and it was hard to see through the tears in my eyes. I lifted my hand on the edge of the street, hailing a taxi, and risked a glance over my shoulder. The event was still in full swing, lights shining on the historic building. I dropped into the back seat and rattled off my address to the driver.
No one followed me, no one made a move to stop me. I knew in my gut, right then and there, that I could never go back. I’d embarrassed myself enough.
Chapter Forty-Five
BENNETT
When I called out to Julie through the crowd, she looked really pale. I tried to motion to Luka to wait, to talk to her about what we’d been doing together another time, but he’d been nervous all night about bringing it up to her, and he wasn’t paying attention to me.
“Hey, I wanted to talk to you about something. You got a minute?”
“I-I’m not sure. I–”
“I know you’re really busy with Grayson, and it’ll only take a minute. I just… There’s been something I’ve been meaning to talk to you about and I’m worried if I keep waiting around, I’ll never work up the nerve.”
She nodded, her face a mask of what looked like pain and confusion as she followed Luka to a nearby column. He’d asked for me to stay, to give him the courage to talk to her about what we’d been doing. He said it didn’t feel right to continue without her knowing, and I agreed with him, but now didn’t seem like the right time. Before I could interrupt him again, he started his nervous rambling, giving me no chance to talk over him.
“I think I’m into more than just women. I’ve always had a big question mark about it, but I never had the nerve to really look into it. I don’t want you to think it’s anything about you. You’re perfect as always. I love being together with you. I guess I’ve always just wanted to do more, you know? And after Bennett figured out what was up, he offered to help me figure it out. So we’ve been… experimenting, I guess. Just little stuff for now. I don’t know. And I was thinking, if you’re okay with it, that you might–”
Her expression looked heartbroken, and she shook her head quickly. “I’m sorry. I can’t do this right now.”
