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Or maybe it was just a fantasy, some fantasy I was living out for the sake of it. Would I really ever have been able to make it out of this business? Out of this world? Was my name too deeply tied to it now? I didn’t know. I wasn’t sure.
"I don’t know," I replied, finally. It seemed like the most honest answer I could give her. I didn’t know what to say to her, what would have been the truth.
She sighed heavily and took another sip of her drink.
"Yeah, that’s what I figured," She replied. "I just...I get it, I do. I want to uphold my mom’s legacy, too, but I don’t want to let my life be dictated by that, either."
"What’s her legacy?" I asked her, shifting the conversation to something else. I didn’t want to focus too much on my family. I knew it made her uncomfortable, and she wasn’t part of my world. Never had been, and I doubted she wanted to be.
She smiled like the memories were rushing up and through her head.
"She did a lot of charity work," she explained. "She always said to me that she didn’t think there was anything beyond this life, so you just had to do the very best you could while you were here. I always liked that, you know? It always felt right to me. She never had excuses. She would always jump into anything that came her way. I always loved that about her."
"And that’s what you want to do?" I asked, and she nodded.
"I mean, I don’t think I’ll be able to make the same impact she did," she admitted. "But I want to try, at least."
"Why don’t you think you’ll be able to keep up with her?"
She shrugged. "She worked her whole life to make a difference in this city," she explained. "She worked at the hotel part-time to make money, and she used her influence and cash the rest of the time to help people. Donating to women’s shelters, organizing charity drives—I don’t think there’s anything she didn’t do, any group she didn’t try to help while she was here. I’m not sure anyone would be able to keep up with that. And with the hotel...well, it’s not like I have that to fall back on the way she did."
She ran her finger around the rim of her glass, and I could tell she was thinking of her mother—thinking of all she had lost with her. I reached out to take her other hand, giving it a squeeze.
"She sounds like an amazing woman," I remarked, and she nodded.
"She really was. I just miss her so much sometimes, you know?"
"I get it," I said. "I feel that way about my dad. Working the business helps me feel closer to him, I guess."
"Yeah, I think that’s why Mark wanted to take over the business," she agreed.
It was the first time she had brought up her brother since we had had that confrontation the night before, and I was surprised to hear her speak his name like that.
"You weren’t interested in it?" I asked, and she shook her head.
"I wanted to use my degree for other things," She replied. "I know my mom would have wanted me to strike out into the world—do my own thing, you know?"
I nodded.
"Guessing your dad wasn’t much the same way, huh?" she remarked, tipping her head to the side. I shook my head.
"No, not really," I agreed. "He was...he was always sure I was going to take over the business. That was why he did this kind of work in the first place, actually. He wanted to make a legacy for me. He grew up struggling. His whole family did. And he never wanted me to have to go through the same thing. I never did, I guess, so I should be grateful to him for that..."
I trailed off. A twist of guilt turned in my chest. I should be grateful for it, so why did all of this feel like an imposition all of a sudden? My father had worked his whole life to get me where I was, to make sure I would never have to struggle the way he had, and yet, I was sitting here, doubt in my voice and questions in my heart. I should have known better.
"You feel bad about that, don’t you?" She asked me as though she could sense what was going on inside my head. I stared at her. Was it that obvious? Or was she just that perceptive? I wasn’t sure. I wasn’t sure I even wanted to know. I nodded.
"A little," I admitted. "I just...you’re right. I never chose any of this for myself. I just went along with it. I did what I thought he wanted because it’s what I’ve known my whole life. I could never have imagined it going any other way. I was always just...sure this was how it had to be."
She linked her fingers through mine on the table. I looked down at our hands, joined like that. They looked...right, on some level that I couldn’t quite put into words.
"It doesn’t have to stay like that," she told me, her voice softening. "Think of all the change you could make in this city. With the money you have...you could make everything better here. For everyone. You could use that power you have for good."
I drew my hand back from hers.
"I don’t know if anyone would even want my money," I said, shaking my head. "Knowing where it comes from. What it was earned through."
"Trust me, most charities don’t care where the cash is coming from as long as it lets them help the people they’re trying to assist a little longer," she assured me. "And besides, you could turn the business into something more legit if you wanted, right? You’re the one calling the shots now. You run the place."
