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“Tough,” I bit back at him, matching his grumpy attitude with my own. “Neither of us is leaving this room until you open your mouth and tell me what the hell is going on with you.”
He snorted. “I’d like to see you try to stop me,” he retorted.
I arched a brow at him, crossing my arms over my chest. I was slim, just like him, but I had more muscle mass from playing hockey and all the practice and weight training I had to endure day after day. “Wanna test me?” I taunted.
He growled something under his breath I couldn’t catch, but he slunk to his bed before plopping down on it. His skin was still slightly glistening from his run, and it made me want to push him back on his mattress, straddle his hips, and lick all that salty sweat off of his skin.
And fuck—my dick was hard.
“It’s embarrassing,” Sterling finally said, staring at the floor between his feet. His leg began to bounce, a nervous tick he had. I wanted to grip his thigh and soothe him, my fingers twitching with the need, but I held myself back.
“Sterling, nothing you say to me could ever be embarrassing, especially if it’s bothering you.” And I meant that. “Just talk to me. Because I’m going nuts with worry over here.”
He blew out a harsh breath. “I’m suffering from erectile dysfunction,” he told me. I blinked; I sure as hell hadn’t been expecting that. He licked his lips, rubbing his hands together, another nervous tic of his. “Apparently, I’ve had it since puberty since I could never hold an erection. And it’s linked to my PTSD and trauma and all that other shit, so there’s, like, no fucking hope for me.”
I frowned at him. “Did something happen to make you feel bad about it?” He’d never mentioned it before. And I’d never heard a peep of it until now, which meant it hadn’t been bothering him enough to get him down like this.
Something had happened. I knew it in my gut.
He jerked his head up at me, confused. “I just told you I have ED, and you’re just… chill about it?”
I shrugged. “You have ED. Plenty of guys suffer from ED, Sterling. It’s nothing to be embarrassed about, and any guy who truly loved and cared about you wouldn’t care because being with you wouldn’t be purely physical. There’s plenty of warmth and intimacy to be had with just being together.”
I’m that guy! I wanted to yell at him, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t risk freaking Sterling out. He needed me as much as I needed him, and I would never be selfish enough to risk ruining our friendship.
Sterling frowned. “Any guy is going to want to fuck, Graham, and that’s another thing—I don’t think I can,” he confessed. “Darren and I tried,” I gritted my teeth at the thought of him being with Darren, of Darren seeing any part ofmyman, “but I freaked out. Heardhisvoice in my head.” He looked a little bit paler at the admission, and my heart cracked wide open in my chest, all the anger and jealousy abating.
“Sterling,” I rasped, “look at me.” It felt like it took him an eternity to do so, but he slowly raised his eyes to meet mine. “Why did you think you could manage that? Youknowyou can’t.”
He shrugged. “He was pressuring me.”I was going to fucking bash Darren’s face into the ice.“And I just wanted to benormal.”
“Normal is overrated,” I said, getting up from my bed. I took a seat beside him—close enough for him to feel my body heat but not so close that he felt trapped. “You’re perfect just as you are, Sterling. Any guy worth your time would be perfectly fine waiting for you to be ready. And if it never happens, they would be okay with that, too.”
I would be okay with it!I shouted at him in my mind. Christ, I was head over heels for him, and he’d probably never know. Because Sterling needed our friendship more than I needed to be with him. I was afraid if I confessed how I felt to him, he’d push me away. And shit, where would that leave him?
He blew out a soft breath. “Just doesn’t feel like it, Graham.” He leaned his head on my shoulder, and my chest loosened at the contact. Tentatively, I wrapped an arm around his shoulders, and when he didn’t tense or push away, I pulled him into a hug, resting my chin on the top of his head.
“He will,” I promised. I combed my fingers through his dark, curly hair, and he practically purred, his eyes shutting. It was soothing for him, and I did it as much as he allowed me to. “Promise me you won’t ever do something you’re not comfortable with again when it comes to other guys?”
He nodded against my shoulder. “I promise, Graham.”
I dropped a kiss to the top of his head, unable to help myself. Instead of freaking out like I thought he might since I’d just pushed a major boundary, he snuggled closer.
“You make me feel safe,” Sterling said softly.
I swallowed past the sudden lump in my throat, tightening my arms around him. “I’ll always be your safe haven, Sterling. No matter what.”
And that was a promise I’d keep until my last, dying breath.
2
Graham
Ididn’t want to leave Sterling by himself after our discussion. Especially not after everything he’d been through. Hearing his tormentor’s voice in his head? That was scary shit. I was worried about Sterling and wanted him as close as possible so I could keep an eye on him.
But I had hockey practice, and Coach would have my ass on a silver platter if I skipped. It wouldn’t matter to him that I was trying to help a friend through something. Everyone on the team knew I was bisexual, including Coach, and he’d just see it as me skipping out on practice and my team for a bit of fun.
I sighed and quickly got dressed in my gear before skating out onto the ice where most of everyone was already at. I began warming up with everyone else, trying to get my head in the game so I could make sure practice went well. Ineededit to go well because unlike my best friend, I didn’t have wealthy parents I could fall back on. Hockey was my future. Becoming part of the NHL was my sole focus—well, besides maybe trying to get my best friend to fall in love with me.
