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Shaking his head, he got up, went to the closet, and pulled out a suitcase.
“Something’s come up and I’ve got to get to Houston,” he said.
Trevor was angry that Stacy had left. Luis had screwed everything up. Even his best friend was mad at him. And he couldn’t blame him.
“I’m sorry, Trevor,” he said. “I’m confused. I don’t know what to do. You know how bad my episodes can be. You’ve seen them. A child would be terrified.”
His friend turned and faced him, his brown eyes flashing with anger.
“She was the best thing that has ever happened to us. And this morning, you made the announcement about getting a vasectomy all because one condom ripped. Yes, you’ve got PTSD, but do you honestly think it will last forever?”
“My mother told me that she thinks I’ll heal. I’m not so certain, but it is a first step.”
“Not if you don’t go back to the doctor you were seeing,” he said, throwing clothes into a bag. “Start by getting back in to see that doctor you’re avoiding. I can’t imagine what you went through when you were in the Navy, but it’s time to put it behind you. I’m ready to settle down and have a family. And you have to decide if that’s something you want.”
Trevor was right. At first, he’d refused to face his PTSD head-on, but maybe he needed to talk to the doctor and see if he could put this part of his life behind him. Maybe he never would. Maybe he would have flareups, but regardless, it was time to learn the truth.
“I’ll call him today and see when I can get in to see him,” he said.
Trevor threw in his toiletries.
“What about Stacy?” Luis said. “What are we going to do?”
“Do you have her phone number?”
“No,” he said, realizing they didn’t have her number or her address. All they knew was that she lived in New York City. But Kalie knew how to contact her. Kalie knew where she lived.
“Maybe we need to let her have some time to think about this. Maybe we need some time to consider what we want. This was supposed to have been a week that we just engaged in pleasure and sex with no commitments, but things changed for her. And frankly, for me as well. I was thinking we’d found our forever woman until this morning when you let her know you didn’t want children. Which was a shock to me as well. Did you even think about letting me know?”
It was something he had not wanted to discuss because he feared exactly what was happening now. Trevor wanted a family. Trevor wanted them to share a woman and get married. If he had to face this problem and an ultimatum, he dreaded he’d lose another friend.
“I kept hoping we would never have to cross this bridge,” he said, knowing he was not being fair to his friend or to Stacy.
With a sigh, Luis knew Trevor had been considering asking her to stay. They were so good together. The sex had been fantastic and they enjoyed one another’s company. Stacy had been so eager to learn their ways and willing to try just about anything.
Only his PTSD stood in the way.
Was that why he’d acted like he had this morning? Things had been so good and he had to fuck it all up? Was this his way of pushing her and even Trevor away?
“My mother told me that I push people away to keep them from getting close. I think I did that this morning. After the condom broke last night, I got scared. I was developing feelings for Stacy and I had to push her away so she didn’t see the pain inside me. Even you, Trevor, I push away,” he admitted.
Trevor nodded and continued to pack a suitcase. The man was leaving. Luis had ruined everything between the three of them.
Outside, the big elm tree’s leaves rustled in the wind and the cows bellowed in the distance. Being here by himself, it would be quiet. Lonely.
With a sigh, Trevor ran his hand through his hair. “This week, I started thinking of forever. Of you, me, and Stacy building a life together. But after this morning, I need some time away. When I get back, we need to see if we want to continue the ranch or go our separate ways. You need to let me know what you want to do. But for me, I want a family. I want to get married and build a life either here on the ranch or someplace. That can happen either with you or without you, but that’s what I want. Now you have to decide what you want.”
Luis nodded. Why did it feel like not only had he screwed things up with Stacy, but that he was going to possibly lose his best friend? All because of his stupid PTSD that he feared. Was he willing to lose everything?
Hadn’t he lost enough?
Closing his suitcase, Trevor gazed at him. “You know I love you, Luis. We’ve been friends for years, but I have dreams. Dreams of my own family. Dreams of a wife and kids. I always thought we would share this, but if you insist on no children, then that’s not going to work for me. Think about what you want. I’ll be back next week and we can talk then, but I’m not giving up my dreams for you.”
Lifting his suitcase, he walked out the door and Luis heard him go down the stairs and out the door. A few minutes later, he heard Trevor’s truck back out the driveway, gravel spinning.
Two people had walked out of his life today and it felt like his world was crashing down around him.
Sitting alone in the bedroom, he noticed how quiet the house was. Unable to function, he just sat there for the longest. Finally, he went downstairs into the living room, found a bottle of scotch, and took it outside.
