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What the hell is wrong with me?
I’ve never wanted anything like this before.
My cock is hard in my pants, and I press the heel of my palm against it, pushing it down. Go the fuck down.
I can’t do this. I’m too old for a sexual awakening. I’m thirty-two for fuck’s sake.
Quickly, I close the browser and leave the computer behind before I do something stupid like subscribe. What the hell was I thinking? Watching Damon online, almost getting himself off—that was rude and creepy. Just plain dumb.
Never again.
It was just a little taste. It was curiosity and taking an interest in my new friend. That’s all.
It’s not a big deal.
And it won’t happen again.
FOUR
Damon
Well, that was not what I had intended when I walked over to Tomas’s today. And I didn’t expect him to be all sweaty and dirty and really sexy. I mean, I do like a man who doesn’t mind getting filthy.
But Tomas isn’t into men and when I got way too excited about showing him my plants, I could have kicked myself when that slightly naughty photo popped up. I mean, it was honestly pretty tame compared to some of the other photos I have on there—like a few of the ones with toys or other men—but still, I swear on my sweet orchid’s life I did not mean to show my straight temporary neighbor my man meat.
However, the look that crossed his face when he saw it wasn’t horror or disgust. At least, I really don’t think so.
No…it seemed more…curious?
I don’t know. Maybe I’m imagining things. I just don’t know anymore.
But as a proud gay man, there is no way I’m messing withcurious.Not my thing. I mean, there have been times when I’ve played that up for the cameras. Lots of times. The audience loves the big burly “straight” man who gets a little too curious when the super sexy twink pops up, but that’s not real life.
No. Real life leads to disappointment and heartbreak. To misunderstandings and questioning. I won’t do that. I’ve worked too hard to get where I am now. I love who I am. And what I’ve become.
And yet, I can’t stop thinking about my sexy new friend and that look he gave me. The way his cheeks pinkened.
“No.” I scold myself out loud as I make my way to the gym showers to wash away the sweat of an intense workout. I mean, you gotta keep it tight when you’re on camera fully naked all the time. There’s no room for things like rolls.
Despite loving those on others, they’re not for me. Not now. And probably not ever. Especially if I keep filming myself.
As soon as I walk into the locker room, a Hottie McHotFace is right there. He’s bulky and tan and is eyeing me with quiet admiration. I know there’s a good chance he’s a subscriber. This happens a few times a week. People recognize me, and I honestly don’t mind it. Maybe any other day, I’d saunter over to him and ask if he wanted a real live show in the showers, but today my head’s just not into it.
This guy is too sculpted…too perfect. There’s not a speck of dirt on him. I bet his nails don’t even have a hint of grease.
He probably doesn’t even know how an engine works.
And now I know without a doubt, I’m in big, fat trouble despite my pep talk earlier.
I don’t do curious, and yet here I am, curiously wondering if I maybe should give Tomas a chance. Not that he wants a chance, but still. My mind seems to be considering it.
Shooting the guy a wink before heading into the shower alone, I try like hell not to think about Tomas and all his grease and the dirt on those hands of his. And yet, my own fingers wrap around my dick anyways, pumping it once just because.
Tomas’s face doesnotfilter through my mind as I do it. I definitelydon’tthink about his rough hands or his messy hair.
And I most definitely do not think about those lips.
