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I held back.
Damon isn’t one to be caged. He’s fierce and a force to be reckoned with. He’s never going to be a kept man. He loves his career too much, loves his brand. I love that about him.
I love everything about him.
I love—holy shit.
My heart aches as I look at myself in the mirror of my bathroom. My eyes are red-rimmed from trying to keep the tears at bay, and I admit, I look a little haggard.
But I’m in love with this man.
Discovering my feelings for Damon has made me learn so much about myself. How he’s everything I wish I could be sometimes. I’ve always been quiet and reserved, where he’s outgoing and open. Oftentimes, I found myself doing things I didn’t want to do because it was what was expected of me, but Damon naturally goes against the grain.
He’s bold and loud.
I wish I could be more like him.
I wish I could keep him.
My eyes sting again, and I rub at them.
Fuck, I need to tell him. I need to be open and honest. And there’s no better time than now. Why fucking wait? If we wait, we may never say what needs to be said.
I pull on my shoes and rush out of the house, trying to catch him before he leaves.
Oh god, don’t leave.
I stumble onto the front porch and knock wildly. Tasmin opens the door, the dogs barking loudly.
“Is Damon here?” I ask, and she shakes her head.
“Oh, hun, you just missed him—Oh, Amara, don’t put the pizza directly on the rack!” She disappears back into the house, leaving the door slightly ajar.
I don’t bother closing it because I feel like my world is tilting. I sit down on the porch and stuff my face in my hands. God, I fucked up. I should have been honest with him. Peanut slobbers on me, trying to console me, and I scrub at his head.I’m a pathetic, pathetic man, I think as I stare out into the distance.
“Why do you look so despondent,” Carter suddenly says, sitting down next to me. “Looks like you just got a terrible blow job.”
God, I wish that was all this was. “I missed him. I fucking blew it.”
Carter sighs. “Look, we all fuck up now and again. It’s okay. Damon really likes you…” I peer over at him, and he arches an eyebrow at me. “I really did forget about that collab. If I’d remembered, I would have canceled it.”
I sigh and place my head into my hands once more. It’s a nice place to be, cradled and consumed. To have darkness just envelop me.
“It’s not your fault,” I manage to say. “It’s mine. I should have spoken up. Should have said something sooner.”
Carter nudges me with his arm. “Well, you can always have a second chance….”
I peek over at him, and he looks out at the driveway. In my field of vision, Damon is walking toward me. In his arms is a pile of things, to the point where he’s not even able to really juggle it all.
“I’ve never seen him like this. You’re good for him,” Carter says with a wink, but I’m already moving toward Damon without thinking, grabbing on to the bags in his hands, hearing glass clink inside one of them.
“Tomas,” Damon breathes, his words coming out on a wheeze.
“Hey,” I say, feeling my heartbeat in my throat.
“What are you doing here?”
“I—what are you doing?” I ask as I peer into the bag, seeing an assortment of cheeses, salami, and bread.
