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“Damon!” she says as she pulls me into a hug. “Why are you crying?”
I can’t answer, just lean down and pull her into me. This little, gentle soul. She has no idea about the world that awaits her. Well, maybe she does. She’s been through a lot, but she’s somehow managed to stay innocent and carefree during all of it. It just shows how well Reed did in raising her. That guy deserves a medal.
“Nothing, little bug. Let’s go inside.”
I pull her into my arms, and she wraps her legs around me as I close the front door behind us. The doggos bound up to me, and I lean down, accepting their slobbering kisses.
I’ve really sunk low, haven’t I? I should have stayed and spoken to him, should have communicated, told him what I was thinking.
But I was too scared.
I’m not even sure what I would have said. I walk to my room and flop down on the bed. Everything I own is still in bags. I should just pack up and leave. Should just cut my losses.
“Oh for fuck’s sake,” I mutter as I stare at the ceiling. There’s nothing up there, the dark plaster offering me no comfort. I hear the scraping of doggy nails scratching down the door, and I slap a hand over my face.
“Fine, you mutts,” I say as I sit up and let them in. They jump onto my bed, crowding me, nuzzling into my neck and chest, and I hold on to them a little longer than I should. I let them distract me for a few measly minutes before I remember why I’m here.
I’m a camboy. This is my job and it’s tearing Tomas and me apart. He’s really not okay with it despite him saying otherwise.
I have so many fucking decisions to make, but first I need my space. This country air is clouding my mind. It’s making me dream bigger dreams than I should have. It’s fucking with my mind. I need out before I end up floating around endlessly in outer space.
I shoot Leo another text before I can change my mind.
There. It’s done.
Tomas and I can figure it out.
I hope.
I fucking hope.
SEVENTEEN
Tomas
My stomach churns. After Leo sent Damon a message to collab with him, the rest of the night passed in a blur of fake smiles and burning eyes. It almost felt like I wasn’t there in my living room. I felt like I was wading under water and couldn’t quite make everything out.
But the one thing I do know is I can’t control Damon. I won’t. It’s not my place.
However, the thought of him collaborating with another man on or off camera is just too much. I didn’t think it would be, but it is.
It’s his job, though. I know this, and yet it doesn’t stop it from hurting, from an ache settling in the middle of my chest and burrowing its way into my heart.
The solo stuff doesn’t bother me, really. I can manage it. But thinking of watching him with someone else is something I can’t do. Even past videos of him being fucked or fucking, long before we were even together are things I can’t watch.
Oh my god. Are we together?
It feels like we are. But now he’s going to….
I try to shake the thought away before it causes any more damage. I can’t think about anyone else touching him, someone grabbing on to his hips and sliding into his tight ass, filling him up. No. Fuck no. That’s my job. I want to be the only one.
And maybe that’s not fair, but fuck, that’s what I want.
Still, after he got that text, I just sat there, frozen. I hoped that he would tell me that he didn’t want to go through with it—that what we have is special.
He didn’t do that though. He was silent. He just waited.
So, of course, I didn’t ask himnotto go through with it. I didn’t want to tell him not to take a great opportunity, to grow his business. So I kept my mouth shut and sat there, despite wanting to become a caveman and throw him over my shoulder, holding an ax in my free hand and telling everyone to back away until I could fuck some sense into him.
