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Guilt climbed up my insides, sticking somewhere in the back of my throat. After a decade of steady focus, blinders on to everything but my job, this was new. And I wasn’t sure what to do with it.
Maybe it was me.
Maybe I didn’t know how to be retired. Didn’t know how to move through my days without one singular purpose. Or maybe I didn’t know how to make peace with the unknown, because something about it made me feel wildly out of control. Maybe this thing with Charlotte was born out of that feeling, not because I was trying to upend either of our lives with some new relationship.
“Daphne wants to know if she can send you guys some meal delivery.”
“Yeah right, she’s gonna pick a casserole made out of tofu and tree bark and tell me it’ll extend my life by ten years if I eat it.”
Charlotte laughed. “You’ve clearly never had good tofu.”
“No one has. They’ve all just fooled themselves that it’s good because they don’t eat steak.”
“I’ll tell her she can hold off for now,” Charlotte said, a smile evident in her voice.
“Thank you.” Ford was bouncing up and down now, his impatience turning the corner into something bigger and louder. I held up my hand. No wonder parents didn’t get shit done.
“Do you ...” She paused. “Never mind.”
“What?”
“Nothing.”
“Charlotte.”
“Burke.”
I shook my head. “What is it?”
“Do you still want me to come to Ann Arbor with you?”
“Fuck,” I muttered. “I didn’t even think about that when I booked my tickets.”
“I wondered if you forgot.”
If I was in Florida another week, I’d have to go straight there. I rubbed my forehead with a heavy sigh. “I’ll look at flights after I talk to Tansy, but ... yeah,” I said in a rough voice. “I’d like you to be there if you’re still willing to come.”
“Of course I am.” She sounded relieved.
Maybe Charlotte struggled with the unknown just as much as I did. All this—whatever new phase of our relationship we’d entered into—was unfamiliar. And this didn’t seem like the time to discuss what the future might look like. Not with tiny listening ears and a time limit hanging over the whole conversation.
“Charlotte,” I said, my voice quiet, “I ... I know we need to talk, but I think we should do it face-to-face.”
She was quiet. The kind of quiet that yanked at the hairs along the back of my neck. “Another state of the union?”
I pinched my eyes shut. I didn’t want to be across the country from her right now. “Maybe,” I said.
“I know, Burke.” She sounded resigned.
“I’ll talk to Tansy. I can let you know later.”
“It’s okay, really,” she assured me. “You should be with your family when they need you.”
It was on the tip of my tongue to ask about what I needed. If she’d be able to tell me. I wasn’t sureIhad the answer, and that was the hardest part of all.
“Yeah.”
When I disconnected the call, my sister moved into my peripheral. She took a seat at the kitchen island, calmly folded her hands together, and stared me down. “Okay. I think it’s time you got me caught up.”
