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She just salutes the camera before clicking off.
* * *
I pullmyself together enough that I can go back out there and make an excuse to leave gracefully. I have plans to drag Jax back to the house and find out if he really means all of those promises over text.
I feel kind of bad for ditching the party early, but I can’t stand another second surrounded by two guys who hate me and the women they choose to flaunt. It’s too much. I'll stick around for the toasts and maybe a bit of dancing for my mom’s sake, but then I’m out of here.
Unlocking the bathroom door, I breathe a sigh of relief that there isn’t a line of angry women waiting to use the toilets, just one pissed-off-looking cleaning lady. The hallway is dark enough that a glaring exit sign glows green just ten feet away. I make a split-second decision to go for some air. I need to walk off the jitters before heading back inside.
The crisp wind hits my face as I let the door slam behind me. The backside of the club hits the sandy beach, so I abandon my heels to make a fast getaway, not caring about getting messy. The sand is still warm, soaked in vitamin D from the long sunny day, but as I move along faster, my toes dig deeper, reaching the wet, icy layer beneath. A hand wraps around my upper arm, jerking me to a stop and I let out a small yelp of surprise before whipping around.
River’s blond hair whips in the wind and his suit jacket is long gone. In his eyes are a million questions and a seriousness that wasn’t present back in the ballroom. His jaw is taut as he yanks me towards him. I struggle, but my heart beats wildly.
“Stop trying to run from me, Nora!” he shouts at me, causing me to flinch. “You already did that once, and fuck me if I’ll let you pull that shit again!”
“Let me go!” I tug my arm, but his grip is stronger than my will to pull away. He holds me close to him, unable to break free.
“Why should I? So you can disappear again? That’s what you do best, right? You walk around this fucking town like you never left me, looking like a fucking ghost from my memory and breaking my heart all over again.” His words trip me up and I stop struggling. His eyes narrow on my lips, but the anger keeps him yelling. “You have no idea what the past seven years have been like, what the past seven summers have been like.”
I step in closer as my hair whips us both in the face. “I’m trying, River. I’m trying so damn hard to make up for the past, but you won’t let me. Like you said, it’s been seven years. Why can’t we forget our mistakes and try to do things better this time?”
Strong hands drift up my neck and his fingers press in almost painfully and he holds my face steady. “How hard is it to pick up a goddamn phone?” The pain in his voice hits me like a physical blow. “I called so many fucking times just to hear your voice. You know how the fuck I feel about you, Nora. You’ve always known it.”
My eyes flit between his green ones which have darkened to near black. “You can’t tell me what I know. I was sixteen. I didn’t even know what it meant to love someone yet. We were kids, River. I thought I loved you, too, once, just like I loved Luca.”
He licks his lips, his fingers tightening in my hair. “You have no clue what you’re doing to us. I never thought I’d see you again and here you are, in my face every fucking day like you never left.”
“River, stop!” I shout as he moves in closer. He does. He stops with my face cradled between his palms, our hair blowing around us as the evening wind picks up. Reaching up I grasp his wrist gently, willing him to hear me. “I’m sorry.” My words are nearly a whisper but he hears me. His eyes widen just a fraction as I repeat them. “I’m sorry for leaving. I’m sorry about Luca’s parents, and I’m sorry if you thought I left because of something you guys did. I overheard a conversation I shouldn’t have heard, and I think it was taken out of context. It sounds stupid even saying it out loud, but I’m so fucking sorry. I don’t even blame Luca for what he did—”
“What are you talking about?” He cuts me off, shaking his head in angry confusion. “What did Luca ever do besides love you?”
I draw back slightly, searching his eyes for a lie but not finding one. “Luca didn’t tell you, did he.” It wasn’t a question. I could already tell he had no idea, and honestly how could he in the short time it took for Luca to leave me alone after what we’d done in my room and make it to the party?
He steps even closer, too close, crowding me with the sea at my back. I want so badly at this moment to run my hands along the hard lines of his chest. I want his strong arms to wrap themselves around me, to rub my back, skim through my long hair, and tell me everything will sort itself out. I want him to look at me the way he used to. “Tell me, Nor.”
Nor. He called me Nor. Something inside me cracks.
“You might want to ask Luca why he was running late to the party tonight,” I tell him truthfully, and I can see the wheels turning in his eyes. “Ask him what he was doing in my bedroom before he left. Maybe it’s actually better ifyouask him because I’m still trying to figure it out for myself.”
His palm cradles my cheek softly, and for just the briefest moment, it’s like the old River is here with me. “If he did something to hurt you—”
“Don’t,” I whisper, shaking my head. “Just don’t. I’m not that fragile, little teenager I used to be. I don’t need you to coddle me when five minutes ago you looked at me like you hated me. Maybe we’re all better off apart. Maybe I needed to come back here to make amends so we could all move on with our lives.” It breaks my heart to even utter the words, and the look of bewilderment and disbelief that comes over him is instant.
But it’s true, isn’t it? They’re clearly happy now. Their lives are full without me in it. They have women, they have their careers and families. They don’t need me anymore.
“I don’t fucking think so. You stormed back into my life and now you have to deal with the fallout like a big girl. If Luca did something to you, it probably wasn’t anything you didn’t have coming.”
I stagger backward as if he’d hit me and his hands fall from my face. A second of regret passes over his face, but it doesn’t last long. “See, this is what I mean. You just can’t help yourself. You just can’t let shit go.”
I turn around, realizing I've already been absent from the party for way too long, but warm fingers grab my wrist and yank me backward. My body is spun around and before I realize what’s happening, lips mold to mine. A kiss I've imagined a million times. A kiss I see in my dreams. A kiss that should not be happening right now, no matter how good it feels.
For so long, I’ve let River remain untouchable. For so many years, I contented myself with a fantasy of what if’s. But as his tongue licks at mine and his palms caress my cheeks while he holds me close, everything I’ve ever wanted crashes around me like the waves in the distance. He tastes like sunshine and regret, but I savor it, even though I know this has to end. It has to end now if I have any chance of redeeming myself.
Realization of exactly what’s happening here dawns on me and I stagger backwards, ripping my lips from his before cracking my palm across his cheek. His head whips to the side as I cover my mouth with my hands in shock. An angry red mark blazes over his cheekbone, and when he swivels his eyes back to meet mine there’s confusion there.
Fuck, why did I hit him? What the fuck is wrong with me?!
I’m so mad I could spit. Disgust rolls over me and I push hard on his chest causing him to stagger. “You fucking bastard!” I scream in his face. “You goddamned cheating, fucking bastard!” His confusion remains as he touches a hand to his blazing cheek. “You have a girlfriend, you idiot! How would Casey feel if she were watching you right now? How would it look?” As much as I despise the wench, I’ll never be okay with cheating. I may be in love with three men at once, but I make no secret about it. They know the score, but what River is doing is unfair, even Casey doesn’t deserve this.
