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“She’s pissed at me,” River says with a dark chuckle, telling me they're in the middle of another one of their epic arguments.
I roll my eyes. “No shit, she’s pissed. You invited her as a plus one and then kissed someone else before you even got drunk. I’d be pissed, too.”
River told me everything that happened out on the beach. The excuses she’d given, the apology she’d blurted out. The look in her eyes that had his heart beating too fast. I still don't know how to feel about any of it. I don't know if it absolves her of what she put me through, or if I should just let it go and move on. It’s easier said than done. But River kissed her that night and doesn't regret it. Casey, apparently, didn’t appreciate that.
“We’re not even dating,” he groans, glancing away from his phone for a second. “Not for her lack of trying…”
Shaking my head I turn back around, opening random shit on her computer. There’s not much here, just folders of old classwork, some music apps, and browsers. Being the asshole I am, I click open her social media accounts one by one and browse her photos. Most of them are from New York with a couple being from various vacations she’d taken over the years.
My stomach is tight and I'm chewing on the inside of my lip as I scroll, watching Nora Blair grow up before my eyes, knowing I never got to be there for any of it. About ninety percent of her pictures are with Jax Pembroke, which doesn't surprise me. They've been best friends since before I met her. I never saw him as a threat, though. He was always that gangly boy that watched Nora with puppy-dog eyes that she never seemed to notice. She only had eyes for me and River, and we always let Jax know it.
Seeing him show up like Prince fucking Charming at her mom’s party was like a punch to the face. The way her whole demeanor shifted, and how her honey-colored eyes lit up every time she looked at him broke something inside of me. All I can think about now is all the times she used to look at me just like that, and how now, she only looks at me when she has no other choice.
I finish snooping around on her computer and close out of everything, leaving no trace that I was ever there. Pulling out my phone, I take a seat on her bed, opening up TikTok and finding her live stream. For the next twenty minutes, River and I watch her dance in silence. Neither of us know exactly why we’re here right now instead of doing literally anything else in the world. Hell, if Riv wanted to, he could be at Casey’s getting his dick sucked because Casey is a massive pushover who would forgive him for anything. But instead, he’s creeping around in Nora’s room, watching her dance in secret like a lovesick asshole just like me.
Nora
My dancing haze is interrupted by a heavy thud on the glass window that faces Main Street. With a jolt, I squint my eyes through the dark room, just enough to make out the figure on the other side of the glass. Jax stands there with his black hood pulled up, grinning at me as the rain pours around him. He nods his head, gesturing for me to let him in. I let out a long breath and rush to the emergency exit, pushing it open just enough for him to slip inside before I slam it shut and click the lock.
“What are you doing here?” I ask as I rush to the curtains and draw them closed. We don’t need any peeping Toms thinking we’re some bratty kids up to no good in here. Without the view of the window, the room looks a lot smaller. Heading to my phone by the mirror, I grab it and turn off my live stream, watching River and Luca disappear.
Casting his hood off, Jax shakes his head of long, brown hair back and forth, letting icy droplets spray me in the face. He grins. “Just getting back from the bar. Jed had to head out early.” He looks around the room. “So, this is the famous Landy’s I’ve heard so much about.” He whistles low under his breath.
“This is it.” I smile, turning down the volume to quiet the music. Our voices echo in the empty room. “It's smaller than the one back home, but I like it. Landy lets me practice whenever I want.” Something dawns on me, and I pause, looking at Jax as he saunters closer, still looking around the room. “How’d the showcase audition do for Kate?” He never told me, so I suppose I figured she was a shoe in.
Smiling slyly, he closes in on me, a strange glimmer in his eye. “I thought you would have realized that when I booked my flight to your mom’s party, it meant I couldn't be in two places at once.”
My eyes widen in confusion. What is he…?
Holy crap.
“Jax, please tell me you didn’t skip the showcase for me! Fuck, I didn’t even realize it was the same day. Jax, we practiced that dance for months! What did you tell Lana and Kate?”
His smile only grows as he places his palms on my upper arms. “Babe, I made a choice. I wanted to be here for you. It just so happened to fall on the day of the engagement party, and I knew that when I booked the ticket. Besides, your mom is like family, do you really think i'm gonna miss out on that?” My breath catches as he moves in even closer. “I have my priorities in order, Nora, and I don’t regret it.”
Our chests are touching now. I can feel the heat from his body mixing with the smell of the summer rain. It’s intoxicating and I have to stop myself from leaning into him.
But why? Why do I have to stop myself?
His fingers lift my chin, forcing me to look at him. “Why do you do that?” he asks softly. “Why do you always look away from me?”
He sees everything. I can’t hide from my best friend, and even trying to is a waste of time. This is the conversation I’ve been dreading for a long time, and I had no idea it was going to come so soon. Surely, Jax will hate me when all is said and done. What man wouldn’t? What man would willingly pursue a woman who’s already in love with other people.
“Talk to me,” he says, dragging the tips of his fingers down the side of my cheek softly. I lean into the touch, letting the warmth of it flow down my whole body, making my skin flush pleasantly.
“I’m in love with three different men, Jax. I can barely even wrap my head around the logistics alone—”
I never get to finish the sentence because his lips are on mine. His kisses swallow everything I was about to say. The speech I had prepared flutters away in the wind as I swirl my tongue around his. I can taste whatever smoky drink he’d had at the bar. His hands roam up my neck until they're cradling the back of my head tightly. Pressing my body against his, I let my own hands wander—down his chest and up beneath his shirt. His muscles ripple beneath my fingers causing me to clench my thighs together.
His lips pull away from mine for a brief moment as his eyes scan my face. “I love you so goddamn much. I’ve loved you since we were kids.” He leans in for a few, hard pecks that leave my head spinning. “Tell me this is fucking real. Tell me you really feel the same way I do because my head is about to explode.” His words are urgent and almost pleading.
Was that part really the only part he heard? Had his mind shut out that part about the twoothermen I was in love with? My heart is fluttering wildly at his confession. I’d always suspected he’d harbored some feelings for me, but never would have guessed it ran this deep. There was tension between us the older we got, but the look in his eyes confirms everything.
“I do love you. I wouldn’t say it unless I meant it.” It was my turn to grip his face, feeling the roughness of his stubble under my thumbs. “I think I've loved you for a lot longer than I even knew, but it still doesn't change anything. How can you be okay with this? The same way I love you, I love Luca and River just as much, and I don’t think it’s ever going to go away.”
As I say the words I can feel their truth. My feelings for Luca and River are just as strong today as the day I left them. I've loved them since I was a child and a love like that doesnt fade with time. It festers and grows until it can’t be contained any more. Just because they no longer feel the same way doesn't make it any less real. It doesn't make it stop.
That’s almost the worst part of all of this. How fucking pathetic am I? Pining for two men who can barely stand to look at me. Men who don’t respect me, men who think I’m fickle and flighty. Men who have already moved on just fine without me.
