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“I’ll relay your kind words when I see her later,” I drawl, shaking myself out of my stupor. “She has a name, you know.” I reach down and scoop up some cold water and splash it on my own overheated face, but then laugh a second later, remembering the way Kennedy told me to fuck off at 5am. “She’s a lazy ass and doesn’t get out of bed before noon.”
He chuckles. “Sounds like the Kennedy I knew in highschool. She was notoriously late for class. I’m surprised the two of you can even stand each other, you're basically opposites.”
“That's precisely why we’re such good friends.”
We sit in silence for a few minutes, and for some reason, our small banter has broken some of the tension. Looking closer now, I fight the cringe I feel as my eyes rove over his face. I know there’s nothing there, but I feel like I can still see the glaring redness of his cheek after I’d slapped him back at the country club. Shame fills me, but I have to remind myself once again that he’d deserved it.
“This has been fun, but I'm gonna head out,” I tell him, making a move to paddle back to shore.
I hear a small splash behind me. “Nora, wait—”
Despite my need to get away, my body follows his command. It’s like the man has a direct link to my brain’s power over my muscles. I stop, but I don’t turn to face him. Regardless of the fact that I can’t see him, I know he’s coming closer.
“We need to talk about what happened,” he says in a soft voice, softer than I would have expected for a guy who had the shit slapped out of him.
“There’s nothing left to talk about. You said your part and I said mine. Do we really need to rehash this over and over again?” Closing my eyes tightly, I rub my forehead with my fingers in small circles.
I can hear him circling around to my front, blocking my view of the beach. Opening my eyes, River sits up straight, letting the sun bounce off of his tanned chest, casting small shadows over each one of his abs. I fight the urge to trace every line with my eyes.
“I’m sorry,” he says, catching me off guard. I look up quickly and catch his eyes. There’s no lie in them. “I shouldn’t have kissed you like that, it wasn’t the right time.”
Rolling my eyes, I cross my arms over my chest. “The right time? When is the right time, River?”
He smirks. “I can think of a few—”
“Stop!” I hold a hand up, silencing his snarky remark. “I don’t want to talk to Asshole River right now. I want to talk to the real you. Stop with the innuendos and the jokes and tell me what the hell is wrong with you.”
He sobers immediately, ice clouding his eyes. He points at me aggressively. “You’re what’s wrong with me, Nora.” I pull back and bristle but he keeps going. “Do you have any idea what it’s like to watch you every single day and not be able to have you? To not be able to touch you and hug you or kiss you as much as I want? Because I do. Every fucking day, and I can’t tell if its my fault for letting myself forgive you for what you did…”
I suck in a breath. “You don’t know what you’re saying.” I shake my head. “You have a girlfriend and she doesn’t deserve this. You need to figure out what you want before you just do things. I can’t be the other woman in this little love triangle.”
“I know what I fucking want,” he snaps. The heat of his stare licks over my skin. “I’ve wanted you since the day we met, but we weren’t ready and I waited.”
I laugh, not believing a word. “That’s such bullshit. I watched you with countless girls over the years. You treated me like your kid sister at best. I pined for you like a dumb, little girl, but don’t try to convince me for one second that it was mutual.”
Like Jax had said…all those nights I cried in his arms over River’s latest fling. I remember those days in love with a boy that didn’t love me back. It was agonizing and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.
His face draws up in a disgusted snarl. “You’ve sure as fuck have never been a sister to me, and you damn well know that. If you didn’t realize the fact that Luca and I were fucking panting over you then you’re blind. We were crazy about you. Why do you think we waited for you at those docks on the same fucking day, every fucking year for almost a decade?” His chest is heaving and his hands grip his board tightly as we sway over the water. “I filled my time with useless girls, trying to take my mind off of the one I really wanted, because at the end of every summer, I knew you had no choice but to leave. I told myself that one day, you would be old enough to make the choice to stay...to stay with us so we could be together.”
I blink at him, eyes wide and mouth agape. “Us? As in the three of us?”
“Yes!” he snaps, running his hands through his hair in frustration. “You, me, and Luca—the way it was always meant to be. We could have taken care of you, Nora. We still can. We could have been happy, but then you fucking left and ruined everything!”
I flinch, suddenly needing to get out of this water. I can feel the cold seeping into my bones, but my chill has more to do with the hurt and betrayal in his words. I know I, technically, deserve it, but how many times do I need to tell him I’m sorry? Does he expect me to drop to my knees and grovel? Does he want me to beg? I don’t think I even deserve that.
I shake my head back and forth, rejecting the notion. “But Casey—”
“Fuck Casey!” he shouts, slamming his fist on his board. “I broke up with Casey the day after you got back into town! Technically, we were never even fucking together.”
I don’t know what to think or what to believe. They’d looked pretty comfortable to me. “Why was she your date to my mom’s party, huh? Why was she hanging off of you all night? Why didn’t you say something earlier?” I don’t understand why River has to be so secretive. Why make things harder than they need to be? Where is my River? Where did he go? “I saw you kiss her the night of the bonfire. You can’t lie to me. I saw it with my own eyes.”
His smirk is bitter and his green eyes blaze in the sun. “You saw what I wanted you to see. I wanted you to feel just as much hurt as you made me feel. I wanted you to want something that you couldn't have.” My chest feels heavy as the weight of his words settle in. “Did it hurt, Nora? Did it make you want to scream when you saw me touch her?” He’s taunting me now. Asshole River is back, and he’s here to stay this time. “Do you wonder if I took her home that night and fuc—?”
I don’t let him finish, I just turn and paddle away as a large wave rolls under us and gives me the momentum I need. I hate that I’m stuck out here on this stupid board. I hate that I can’t paddle faster. It doesn't quite have the same finesse as slamming a door.
“Nora, I'm sorry!” he shouts after me, but I ignore him. “Get the fuck back here, Nora! This isn't finished!”
I stick to my resolve, no matter how much my heart wills me to turn back around. I just let the gentle waves coast me toward the sand, knowing he won’t follow.
