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Jax has been staying with us and will continue to do so until after the wedding in three weeks. His room is smack in the middle of mine and Luca’s, and I think Jax gets a sick sort of satisfaction because of it. They don’t speak to each other at all, and Luca makes no secret of the fact that he dislikes my best friend—especially after what I told him, but there’s no outward hostility. I'm hoping Luca can get past his issues, because I know it’s not like that for Jax.
Things used to be so easy back when my only worry in the world was whether or not I was allowed to stay out past seven. Back before I worried about boys and their feelings and whether or not they matched up with my feelings. In all honesty, River’s words fucked me up a little. Call me naive, but I never knew he felt something so deep for me. We were friends, of course, but I was under the impression that my imagination was the only reality where he would return my feelings. After sleeping with Luca that night on the beach, a part of me was worried he’d tell the River right away and I’d somehow lose the fantasy of the three of us forever. Thinking back on it, maybe Iwasnaive...and selfish.
It’s brighter out now and I can see some surfers to the left of me, clustered in small groupings of two and three. I watch as they take turns, wave after wave crashing down over them as they zip around effortlessly. I can’t help but wonder if one of them is River. I wouldn't be surprised to find him out here as early as me like we used to when we were kids.
I still don't know where we stand after what went down between us. When his lips crashed into mine out by the water, I was overwhelmed with conflicting feelings of both longing and betrayal. Deep down, I wanted nothing more than to let him sweep me up into his strong arms and tell me how much he missed me. I wanted that moment so fucking badly, but when reality crashed down, all I could see was Casey. I’m not a fan of men who use women and discard them for someone else. No matter how much I despise the shrew, nothing warrants that sort of heartbreak. So, no matter how hard it was to shove him away, I had to do it.
I miss the simpler days, when everything seemed so straightforward and innocent. We used to sit out here for hours, surfing the day away and lazing about in the sun...sometimes, I still daydream about that perfect time in my life.
“You won't do it—”I tease as River's smile widens. My heart does a little flip in my chest. His floppy blonde hair falls in front of his eyes, not yet wet from the ocean.
“What’ll you give me if I do?” his green eyes twinkle. The water undulates beneath us and the waves are just a little too volatile for my taste. For now, I’m content to sit back and watch my crazy-ass friend.
The glaring morning sun makes his freckles stand out against tanned, taut skin. He’s all lanky muscle and grace—it makes my mouth water. I cast my eyes down, knowing he’d see too much if I didn’t look away. Things have been changing lately around my friends...at least for me they have. I’ve noticed myself watching their bodies and the way they move their lips a little too closely.
The sloshing of water makes me look back up to see River paddling closer toward me. His mouth is drawn up into a lazy grin. He tosses his head to the side in that surfer way to flick his hair from his eyes. “Tell you what, blondie. If I can pull it off, you have to do whatever I say for the next hour.”
Chewing on my lip I tilt my head, wondering if this is a good idea. He could potentially have me pick my nose and eat it, or run around naked for all I know…
“C’mon, you chickening out?” His eyebrows wiggle. “I mean if you wanna try it instead, I promise I’ll be your personal slave for the next twenty-four hours.” He places his palm on his chest in an oath, but as my eyes follow his hand, I stare openly at the rivulets of salt water cascading over his skin.
He clears his throat and I snap my eyes back to his, cheeks blazing. There’s something there in his stare that makes me nervous. I don’t know what the hell is wrong with me. I’ve never been this uneasy around River. We arrived only two weeks ago, just like every other summer before. When I met the boys down by the walking path like always, their welcoming smiles and open arms felt just as warm as they always have, but when River placed just the smallest of kisses in the middle of my forehead, I swear it was like fireworks went off in my brain.
“Fine,” I grumble, folding my arms over my chest. His eyes dip so briefly that I feel like I might have imagined it. “Do it, but if you die, I’ll kill you.”
A bark of laughter erupts from him as he turns his board around and begins to paddle away. The waves are even larger now than they were a few minutes ago. The wind is whipping faster and sharper. I bite my tongue as I watch his lithe arms dragging him further out until there’s no going back. Turning around, he’s facing the beach now as the water accumulates behind him.
“Go, Riv!” I scream. “Paddle now!” I’m frantic. I know he’s probably rolling his eyes if he can even hear me, but I can’t help it.
He paddles faster and faster until soon, he reaches down and expertly hoists himself up onto the board in one fluid movement. Watching him is like watching living, moving art. Turning the board, he begins to slice through the folding water like a shooting star in the night sky.
I hold my breath for this next part. What he’s about to do should be illegal. I look around for a second, hoping there are lifeguards watching. River bends down, placing his hands on the board, but in seconds, his body is upside down, balancing on his hands with his feet in the air…
I thinkabout that day all the time. That day marked a change in the tide for me. It’s hard to look back on your childhood and pinpoint the exact moment when something fundamental changed and never went back.
You know that old saying about how one day your mom set you down as a baby and, technically, never picked you back up again? Well, that’s how that day felt. Once I began watching River and Luca in a new way, my heart was never the same again.
I can feel a swell building up beneath me, so I paddle out into deeper water. My muscles are stretched pleasantly and sprays of crisp salt water slap my cheeks as I crest a rolling wave. Turning my board around, I let the momentum of the water take me until I’m gaining speed. My pale hair flaps behind me as the wind hits my face. In a fluid, practiced motion, I hoist myself to my feet and find my balance effortlessly.
The wave is perfect and I just go with it, cutting through the water and using my fingers to drag along the inner curve of the tube. The fold of the water blocks my view of the beach, and I have no idea how fast I’m going, but I don’t care. Out here, I feel so utterly free. I feel wild and uncontrolled. For a moment, I wonder to myself if this feeling is the reason River got so good at surfing. Is this the feeling he chases?
The wave ends and my speed decreases, so I squat down on the board until I bring myself to a sitting position again. I’m coasting now, letting the water pass under me as my feet drag under the board. My hair is barely damp since this time I managed to stay upright instead of falling off at the very end. I smile to myself in satisfaction.
“You’re getting better than I am!” a voice calls out over my shoulder. My entire body tenses.
Turning my head, I stare at River as he paddles closer, his long hair tied back in a man bun and a stupid smile is plastered on his sundrenched face. I hate the way my body reacts to that smile. I hate the butterflies that fill my stomach at his nearness. I’m still mad as hell, but River never did know when enough was enough.
“What do you want, River?” I mutter when he’s close enough to hear. I look away from those playful green eyes.
He huffs a laugh. “Oh my bad, blondie, I wasn’t aware you owned the ocean.”
Cutting my eyes back to him, I see that he’s still fucking grinning. “Is Luca with you?” I ask dumbly. Sometimes he surfs, but he’s not addicted to it the way River is.
He waves his hand. “Nah, he’s dealing with some stuff down at the studio today. I guess they're almost finished, so he went to check it out.”
I perk up at the news at the same time I feel a sinking in my stomach. If Luca’s studio is finished, that means he’ll be moving out soon and I don’t know how that makes me feel.
“Where’s your little minion today?” he asks as he dips his hand in the water, scoops it up and splashes his face with it. I watch, lips parted slightly as water droplets run down his golden skin in the light of the rising sun.
