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“I’ve been dead this whole time,” I said, staring into the mirror at the other version of myself laid out on my bed. There was no life left in the shell of a body that was covered in blood.
I blinked, expecting to feel tears cascading down my cheeks, but somehow my eyes were bone dry. “I—I would have seen the—" I said, stopping mid-sentence and staring at my new dress. This one was clean and beautiful. No blood anywhere.
The night I’d woken up from that dreamless sleep, there’d been blood. There was a lot of it, and it was everywhere, but I hadn’t thought to investigate enough. I’d been so wrapped up in finding Austin that I’d fled our apartment before I could get answers. It was all making sense now, and I felt sick.
“The blood?” Bael finished for me. I stiffened, remembering that I wasn't the only one in the room, staring into this damn mirror. Staring at my corpse. “Our minds sometimes have a way of shielding us from things we aren’t ready to see,” he said. “If you’re remembering, it means you’re ready to face what happened to you. This happens to most of us when we first arrive. It’s just a natural part of dying.”
My gaze lingered on his deep blue eyes as he traced a finger up my neck and ran his thumb over the softness of my lips. His touch sent a pleasant shiver through me. His voice softened. "Are you ready for the truth,mon amour?"
My eyes drifted to the mirror, where my whole world used to be. Now it was empty and cold. Bael circled me so that nothing stood between me and the mirror.
My mind was running wild as I asked myself the same question. Did I really want to know the truth? Was I ready to face it? I could feel it looming over me, the answer so obvious that it swept away any doubt. Of course I was ready for it. I already knew the truth. I could see it spelled out in front of me, and it jogged something in my memory.
Austin had taken it too far. I should have known better than to think he was just making empty threats every time I pushed him. All around me, I saw the reminder of my mistake—the walls and furniture in my room were splattered with red blood from the fight I likely put up before Austin had overpowered me.
In agonizing clarity, I remembered that night. There was an argument—something about him coming home earlier than expected, and within moments it had escalated to a level I never thought possible. Fury took over, and then it was all over.
I looked to my left and saw Theodore, his silhouette illuminated by the glowing violet lights of thevevesthat surrounded the mirror. His expression was unreadable, yet I could sense something in him that made me wonder... How many times had he seen this same dilemma play out? It seemed like an eternity had passed since I first arrived here, and yet so much remained shrouded in mystery. In front of me was a path leading to safety, but what would happen if I chose the alternative? What if I chose to be selfish?
A very real part of me wanted to stay here with Bael and Theodore. I made friends with Ellie and Tony, and they were better friends to me than all of those people who left me when my life got too hard for them to handle.
My whole body trembled with anticipation as Bael's hands lingered on my shoulders, his breath coming out in a ragged exhale against the back of my neck, as if he were nervous too. It was as if he was holding back so many things he wanted to say to me. I took a calculated step away from him, and the sudden absence of his touch sparked something inside me—something wild yet overwhelming. It was longing.
"I need time to think," I said shakily, sinking my fingers into my hair in frustration. "How long do I have?"
Theodore's pause felt like an eternity, my heart sinking with every passing second. His face remained stoic and resolute, his onyx eyes reflecting the strange violet hue of the funhouse mirrors like two hard marbles embedded in obsidian. Under the surface of his dark skin was that beautiful skull, seemingly radiating an eldritch glow that only made him more striking.
“Time is fleeting, Moria, but right now, it moves slowly, waiting for you to make your decision. Days will pass here, while only seconds slip by in the waking world. Every moment you wait, a part of your life fades away. You'll have to make your choice soon, before it's too late for you to trust your own judgment. But no matter what you decide, I want you to remember; I’m a possessive man." His full lips curled into a grin. "If you choose to reject me, I'll be here waiting, watching until you inevitably beg for me to let you back in.”
He came closer and closer until he loomed over me, powerful, terrifying and still so beautiful that I couldn't help but appreciate every otherworldly feature.
“What will it be, blue girl?" Bael asked, his eyes dancing with anticipation.
I shook my head, turning away from the mirror, my chest rising and falling faster and faster with each labored breath. When I peered back over my shoulder, the image once again shifted to Austin, covered head to toe in blood as he clutched that knife in his hands. His movements were torturously slow.
“You could be powerful,” Bael said, taking my attention off of the man who decided to take my life from me. He and Theodore came closer, trapping me as I backed away. I briefly wondered what would happen if I tripped and fell through. “You know you can’t remain in this state forever. Why not embrace this opportunity? Stay, and be everything that bastard told you not to be.”
My mind was desperately trying to process the weight of what was being asked of me. The thought of staying in this place for an eternity, trapped among the undead carnival-goers filled me with something not quite like dreadper se, but close to it. But at the same time, there was something alluring about the thought of staying here—a sense of freedom from reality that I had never experienced before.
As I mulled over my options, Bael reached out his hand, his fingers brushing against mine. "It's natural to be afraid. In fact, I would encourage it," he whispered, his eyes darkening until his pupils expanded to cover the blue. Under them were purplish shadows that made his face appear striking and severe, but no less beautiful. "There's a spark of life left inside that body, and if you choose to ignite it, you can't undo it. Whatever decision you make will be permanent."
His gentle caress sent a wave of pleasure through me. He was like a drug, even to this body that wasn't completely alive. I was nothing more than a soul, and yet every touch made me feel hot and flushed with anticipation. I slowly closed my eyes, savoring every second of his touch, before opening them to meet both men's gazes.
Theodore watched us thoughtfully, his gaze pausing on the spot where Bael's fingers caressed me. It wasn't anger in his eyes, but rather curiosity and excitement.
My body heated, suddenly remembering exactly what Bael and I had been up to before I appeared in this room. Theodore had been there in my room, watching us the entire time. He’d watched as I rode Bael's cock hard and fast—never once breaking his stare.
"How am I supposed to make this kind of choice?" My mind flickered with snapshots of my life; Grandma Anne's smile, her cooking, her laughter, and warm hugs. The memory of my dad and the old, dusty photos I kept of him in my bedside drawer. But those were distant memories now. In this moment everything felt so surreal.
It occurred to me that nowhere in those memories did I have a single urge to return to the man in that mirror. The man who thought he could dispose of me like unwanted trash. The man who put a precious child inside of me only to blame me when we lost her.
What choice was there? Immortality or suffering? I could make a home here, couldn't I? With Ellie, Lafayette, Bael, Theodore, and all the denizens of this carnival that I had yet to meet. Was it so wrong that a part of me craved it?
"How long do I have to decide?" I asked again. "Stop dancing around it." I was getting tired of riddles and half truths.
A small smile stretched across Bael's lips, and his eyes shone with something like hope. "As long as you need to be sure of your decision. Day's, weeks, months; it doesn't matter. But Theo is right. This place will change you. It's better to decide while your death is fresh. I don't want to pressure you."
I rolled my eyes with a huff of amusement. "Sure you don't." I knew for a fact that he was indeed trying to sway me. Whether it was with his impressive skills in bed that I wouldn't mind sampling again soon, or with his pretty words and promises. Bael had a silver tongue that I needed to watch out for.
