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I nodded. Maybe it was time for me to start exploring this strange new world I found myself in. Maybe it was time to stop living in fear and start taking control of my own damn life. I knew that before I could take another step forward, I needed to tell her everything.
“Ellie," I said hesitantly. “There's something that I really need you to know about me. I trust you more than anyone and if there's a chance to make things different for myself if I stay here, it starts now." My hands were shaky as I fumbled for the right words. I was sick of keeping everything to myself and suffering alone. I was done with that. The old Moria could fuck right off.
Ellie gave me a curious look. “What is it? You know you can tell me anything.”
I inhaled deeply, feeling a heavy weight in my chest. “My husband murdered me," I said. "That's why I'm here. He killed me, and now I'm stuck." Ellie's eyes softened as she grabbed both my hands and gently squeezed my fingers. She didn't even look surprised. I huffed a bitter laugh. "But you're probably used to sob stories like this."
"Don't even think like that," she said waving me off. She sat on the edge of my bed while I sat down on the small sofa on the far wall. The wagon wasn't large, but it was just the right size for a basic living arrangement. "What happened? Tell me about the rat-bastard who did this to you."
My hand shot to my neck, and I swallowed thickly. "He cut my throat." When I swallowed, it was like I could still feel the searing pain and the heat of the knife's blade, even though I didn't fully remember it happening.
There was an uncomfortable pause before she spoke again. "Why?"
“He’s a monster, Ellie. Arealmonster,” I spat out. "I can't believe it took me so long to realize I needed to run." Dragging my fingers through my hair, I pulled my legs up onto the seat and tucked them under me, as if curling into a smaller form might make me feel any safer. "He hated that I practiced Vodou. I come from a long line of practitioners, and I planned on following in my grandma's footsteps. Austin was Christian, and probably thought I was a Satan worshiper or something."
She frowned. "If he thought that, why'd he even marry you? No offense to you, darling, of course, but it doesn't make sense why he'd marry someone he had so many fundamental differences with."
I shrugged. "That's the same damn question I've asked myself every day since we got married. I think he saw it as a personal challenge to convert me. He used to treat my beliefs like some kind of silly infatuation or fad. He never came to any of our functions or even tried to get to know my family or the community in New Orleans. All he ever talked about was making a new life with new traditions. Obviously, what he really meant was that he wantedmeto conform tohistraditions andhislife."
She walked to me, flinging her arms around my body as she sat next to me on the sofa. “I’m so fucking sorry, Mori,” she said, I couldn't bring myself to reply. On one hand I wanted the comfort of her words, but on the other, I was frozen with rage.
I just hugged her back, feeling the weight of my confession lifted off my shoulders. It felt good to finally tell someone the truth. As we embraced, there was another knock at the door and I froze. I had a feeling I knew who it might be.
Sure enough, when I opened the door, there was Bael looking back at me with worry etched on his face. “What’s wrong?” he asked, taking step up the small wooden staircase and into my doorway. He paused when he spotted Ellie. “Why do you look so sad?” He laid a palm on my cheek, and I leaned in to the touch.
My eyes flickered to Lafayette, who pranced over to Bael and swirled around his feet. He wasn’t Bael’s cat, but I had a feeling he was the reason for this little visit.
I gave him a fake smile. “Everything’s okay for now. I’m just feeling extra dramatic right now, I guess.”
He glanced at Ellie, and she smiled a bit too widely to be innocent. “Good,” he said suspiciously before pasting a grin on his face. “Because I want to take you somewhere.”
“I have company,” I said, gesturing to Ellie.
She stood abruptly and waved me off. “Oh hush. I was only stopping in before my show. You go ahead. You know where to find me later, darling.” Before I could respond, Ellie kissed me on the cheek and pranced outside and down the steps, waving as she left.
I shook my head, bewildered. “Where?” I asked Bael nervously, feeling the tension building between us. He was watching every move I made, as if he kew all about the turmoil raging inside me.
“A place where we can relax. There’s more to this place than you know. Not everything about the crossroads is dark and bleak, blue girl. You promised to give this a chance, so I’m holding you to it.”
I sucked in a deep breath and offered him my hand, which he took with a wide grin before leading me out of my wagon. With every step I took, my sense of anxiety grew. All I could think about was why he was so invested in this. Why did he want me to stay here so badly? Something inside of me urged me forward. Part of me wanted to explore this strange new world, but another part of me wanted to run back to the safety of my wagon.
All around us were gray faces, lined up for every booth, every ride, and every sideshow. They stared ahead blankly, making me feel sick to my stomach. They were like zombies, and I wanted to run up to each one of them and shake them awake.
It wasn’t until we arrived at a secluded section of the carnival, away from the bright lights and chaos, that he finally turned to me. “Moria,” he said softly, his eyes intense. “I hope you don’t think I’m cold and unfeeling. I’ve been where you are now, and I remember the fear.” I raised an eyebrow. He took my hands, linking his fingers with mine. “I know what it’s like to be betrayed by someone you thought you loved,” he said, his eyes going briefly distant. “To feel like your entire world has been torn apart in a split second. It’s not easy, and I can’t promise you it willeverbe easy. But it doesn’t have to be all bad. Even in darkness, there’s beauty.”
I felt a lump form in my throat as memories of my husband came flooding back to me. Memories of before he changed. Before he became twisted and hateful. “How did you know?”
Bael gave me a sad smile. “It’s written all over your face,” he said. “The pain, the anger—they’re familiar to me.” I just stared at him, unsure of what to say. “But the thing is,” Bael continued, taking a step closer to me. “You don’t have to let those feelings consume you. You have a choice.”
“A choice?” I repeated it, feeling stupid for not understanding.
“Yes,” he said firmly. “A choice to hide from your past and let it continue to control you, or you can get revenge.” His words sent chills down my spine. "When I was hung from that tree branch and left to die, it was the loneliest I've ever felt in my life. I had friends and lovers in that city, but not one of them came to my defense."
My chest squeezed, remembering his sad, horrifying story. He'd been hung as a witch by people who used to smile and welcome him into their lives. He'd been so young. Only thirty when his life was snuffed out, and that kind of thing left scars.
I peered at him sadly, seeing him lost in memories. His eyes were distant, and his jaw was clenched tight. "I got my revenge. It's not something I enjoy talking about, but I promise you it was worth it. I thank Theodore every moment of my afterlife for allowing me to seek it. I don't know if I'd have been able to really move on if I hadn't." He met my eyes, a dry smile curling his lips. "I won't deny I enjoyed it. Just a little." He pinched his thumb and forefinger together.
I chuckled. Truthfully, I’d never been a violent or vindictive person. When I was ostracized by my mom and stepdad, along with that entire half of my own family, I never felt like I needed to get some kind of revenge on them for treating me that way. I picked up and moved on with my own life.
