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There was also the fact that I wasn’t entirely sure why Lars had kissed me in the first place. Had it been out of pity? Desperation to keep me from dating? Annoyance? Yeah, I’d felt him hard between my thighs when I’d had my legs wrapped around his waist, but he was also a guy. As unfair as it was to generalize, it was no secret that it didn’t take much for guys to get hard. Lars was a healthy, virile, teenage guy; his dick was probably hard most of the day just because it could be.
I was also hating how Lars might have been right about my inexperience. One hot kiss later, and I was already dreaming about Lars freakin’ Finley being my boyfriend. I’d wanted to keep going, and having never felt passion like that before, I had no idea if my need was because of Lars or if I’d be feeling this way about any guy that had been my first kiss. I felt confused, and I’d be lying if I said that my feelings weren’t a little hurt by Lars’ silence right now.
Did he really regret it?
As the town’s scenery flew past me on the way home, my biggest concern was our friendship. Regardless of the past week and his crazy behavior, I couldn’t remember a time when Lars hadn’t been a part of my life. As one of Talon’s best friends, we’d grown up close, and I’d always felt safe and comfortable with both Lars and Hunter. Mr. and Mrs. Finley had even babysat me a few times during my childhood. While it’d been rare because Talon had always been good about taking care of me, there’d still been a couple of times when the Finleys had stepped in to help.
With Talon, Kenzlee, Alexandria, and Hunter gone, Lars was the only real friend that I had left here. Yeah, Calliope was beginning to feel like a real friend these days, but our friendship wasn’t anywhere near close to what I had with Lars. If I were in trouble, I’d call Lars first now that Talon wasn’t nearby. Lars was on speed dial like the others, and now I had no idea what to do next.
Plus, aside from our friendship, that kiss had been freakin’ explosive. While I’d thought about it a lot, I never imagined that my first kiss would feel so incredibly passionate. I never imagined that I’d want more so easily and so quickly from just one kiss.
I could still feel Lars’ lips on mine, his fingers digging into my hips, and the way that he’d felt so solid pressed in between my thighs. For a second there, it’d felt like all those times when I’d see Talon grab ahold of Kenzlee, kissing her and holding her like he’d die if he let her go. I’d never understood how he’d become so obsessed with her, but I could understand how it could happen now. Now that I knew what passion felt like…yeah, I could see how people could get carried away enough to throw caution to the wind.
As we neared my house, I knew that I’d be stupid to develop feelings for Lars, and with the way that my stomach was still swarming with butterflies, my naivety felt like a huge slap in the face. Lars had warned me about getting taken advantage of because I had no idea what I’d be dealing with, and it galled me to have to admit that he might have been right about that. I’d been so certain that I was smart and mature enough not to get caught up in the first guy to pay me any attention, yet here I was, wanting Lars to kiss me again, and possibly more.
I also wasn’t sure what I wanted after this. Did I want Lars to go back to treating me like Talon’s little sister and pretending like our kiss had never happened? Did I want him to ask me out? Did I want us to be adults about this and just move on?
When the truck pulled into my driveway, I noticed that all the lights were off. It wasn’t even nine o’clock on a Friday night, and I was already home from my first party ever. I also knew that Mom wouldn’t be home from work for another hour, so I didn’t even have her to distract me from all my chaotic thoughts. Sure, I could call Talon, but it was a Friday night, and he and Kenzlee were probably doing what all young college kids did, and I didn’t want to bother him with something that I wasn’t even sure was worth bothering him about. Plus, I could always call Kenzlee tomorrow for some advice.
As I’d been taught, I waited in the truck until Lars made his way around the front to come open the door for me. Though his actions were completely normal and something that I was used to, I couldn’t stop from seeing this as more of a mess than it probably was. Lars Finley was used to being with girls of all types, so I seriously doubted that one little kiss had even made it on his radar.
As soon as he opened the door, he asked, “Your Mom still at work?”
I hopped out of the truck, ignoring his outstretched hand. “Yeah,” I answered, doing my best to keep my voice light. “She’ll be home around ten or so.”
“I thought she’d take it easier after Kenzlee paid off the house,” he remarked as he shut the door behind me.
I didn’t look up at him as I shrugged. “She doesn’t know anything else.” I started making my way down the walkway. “Once I’m gone, she might slow down a bit. However, right now, she still has one child to support, and working all the time is the only way that she knows how to do that.”
“Your mom’s a good woman.”
“Yes, she is.”
Once we got to the front door, I immediately pulled my keys from my pocket to unlock my way to freedom. “Thanks for the ride,” I muttered as I turned the doorknob.
“Edie, wait a second,” he said, causing my heart to start rattling around inside my chest again.
I turned to look up at him. “Yeah?”
His hazel eyes looked troubled, and I already knew what he was going to say before he opened his mouth. “About earlier…uh…”
“Yeah?” The hell if I was going to make this easy on him when I was mentally a mess.
“I shouldn’t have kissed you,” he finally said, and I shouldnotbe feeling so upset about a sentence that I’d been expecting. “We-”
“Don’t worry about it,” I said, determined to salvage some of my pride. “It’s not the big deal that you’re making it out to be, Lars.”
His head reared back a little, a slight tick in his jaw. “Oh, really?”
My stomach felt nauseous, but the truth was the truth, no matter how I felt about it. “C’mon, Lars,” I said. “How many girls have you kissed like that in your lifetime? Dozens? Hundreds?” That left eye of his started twitching again. “It was just a kiss. It’s no big deal.”
“Even though it was your first?” he challenged.
“Even though it was my first,” I repeated, tasting the lie on my lips. “I’m sorry to disappoint you, but contrary to what you thought, I’m not falling in love and throwing my future away for the first boy that I ever kissed.” I shrugged carelessly. “Honestly, I can’t imagine how happy you must be to hear that. Proves that I’m not as stupid or as naïve as you thought I was.”
Not giving him a chance to respond, I went inside, glad for the space to get my head on straight.
Chapter 11
