AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“You could have it to yourself,” he says. “But that will make pampering you much more difficult. I’d also like to check that you haven’t taken any wounds you’re trying to hide, seeing as you’re so adamant about not letting an actual medic look you over.”
So, he does have a bit of an ulterior motive here. I can’t even be annoyed at him for it, because it’s out of concern.
“I’m not hiding any wounds,” I insist.
Of its own accord, my hand clenches against my sternum. Against the spot just below the modest swell of my breasts where Ishouldbe branded.
“Ah.” Casimir raises his hands to rest them gingerly on my shoulders, his thumbs stroking soothing lines over my bared skin. “It’s all right, Kindness. You don’t have to hidethat. I already know.”
My heart just about bursts straight through my ribs. Despite my best efforts to keep it steady, my voice wavers. “You know what?”
His voice stays gentle, wrapping around me like another layer of silk. “I don’t imagine the others would have guessed. I’m trained to pick up on body language, to evaluate people’s reactions… And before I started official classes at the college, one of the boys I was tutored with was godless. Some quirks are familiar.”
What?Julita bursts out.
My legs wobble under me, rocked by a surge of emotion. Shock that the courtesan actually does know, immense relief that he doesn’t knoweverything.
I can’t see much point in trying to deny the truth now, to him or my ghostly passenger.
I take in a gulp of air and let out a shaky laugh. “Not much gets by you, huh? What ‘quirks’ am I giving myself away with?”
“Like I said, I doubt anyone else would realize.” Casimir keeps up his slow massage of my shoulders, but his voice has lightened as if he’s relieved too. Maybe he was worried about how I’d respond?
“It took me a while myself,” he continues. “But I’ve never seen you make the gesture of the divinities, even when you’re under threat. When you’re tense, you sometimes shield that spot like you did just now, as if you’re covering it from view. You kept your gaze averted from the Temple of the Crown when you rode by on our return from the orphanage.”
I test my teeth against my lower lip but catch myself before I really start worrying at it. I can seem a little discomforted, but I don’t want him wondering why I’m still agitated after he’s shown he won’t judge me.
Especially not after he’s proven what a keen observer he really is.
“I was on my own for a lot of my childhood,” I say, feeling the need to give an explanation. It’s a somewhat honest one. “It felt wrong to dedicate myself to any of the divinities who didn’t appear to give a shit about what happened to me up until then. I never wanted a gift.”
Least of all the one I ended up with through no choice of my own.
Casimir gives my shoulders a reassuring squeeze. “My friend had similar reasons. Choosing godlessness shouldn’t bethatoffensive. Our lives are still our own—the All-Giver never denied that even while watching over us. You clearly haven’t done anything terrible enough for the gods to strike you down.”
He chuckles as if the idea is totally absurd, and I make myself laugh along.
He has no idea. I’m just lucky the godlen don’t keep too close an eye on the millions of mortals under their purview.
“There are a lot of other people who don’t see it that way.” I don’t want him bringing it up with the other men.
“Within these walls in particular,” Casimir says in acknowledgment. “I haven’t mentioned the suspicion to anyone else, and I won’t. I wouldn’t have mentioned it toyouif it hadn’t seemed to be holding you back.”
Holding me back from the bath, which is now nearly full of water and foamy bubbles.
Casimir leaves me so he can shut off the water. I drink in the haze of steam in the air.
The knot in my stomach lingers.
Do I even deserve the compassion this incredible man is offering me? I’m still lying to him.
But if my magic keeps tearing away at me, how much longer do I even have?
I’m never going to get my daydream from my times in Ewalin’s oak tree, of family and belonging and laughter. Is it really unfair to accept just a sliver of that kind of amity?
Great God help me, I would like to be pampered, just once. When am I ever going to get an offer like this again?
I grapple with the pang of longing inside me for a few moments longer and then meet Casimir’s gaze. “Just a bath.”
