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I paused, not sure what to say. Then Antonio reappeared.
"Renata," he said, his voice soft and serious. "May I speak with you for a moment?"
I nodded, feeling a ray of hope. We slipped away from the festivities, and into an alcove just off the main hall. The room was quiet, except for the party's muffled sounds outside. Antonio turned to face me, his eyes full of sorrow.
"I know I haven't been the most attentive husband tonight," he said, his voice thick with emotion. "But I'm afraid I'm about to get worse."
My heart sank into my stomach. "What do you mean?"
He reached out and brushed a hand over my cheek. "I need to go."
I was taken aback.
"Go where?" I asked, trying to keep my voice calm.
"Javier and Manuel found something troubling, and we need to check it out," he explained, his eyes searching mine for understanding.
I tried to hide my disappointment. "For how long?"
"Three nights," he said. "I'll be back before you know it."
I tried to take a deep breath, but my chest felt tight. "Is it about me?"
Antonio hesitated. "Indirectly, yes. But you don't have to worry. You'll be in excellent hands.” He gestured toward the crowd outside. "You're surrounded by people who care for you."
I grabbed his hand. "But it's our wedding night."
He pressed his lips together. "You don't have to pretend with me. We can worry about all that some other time.”
My mouth fell open. "Worry about all that?" I repeated.
Worry. The word weighed down upon me. I wasterrified. My life was no longer my own, and the only person who really understood was Antonio.
He had hurt me, maybe even betrayed me.
But he understood.
Antonio looked down at his feet, unable to meet my gaze. "I know this isn't love, and you never wanted to get married. But it's our reality now. And we have to make the best of it."
My heart squeezed. “You have no idea how I feel.”
The thought of spending the next few nights alone in this opulent house, surrounded by strangers, was sad. Having another broken family was devastating.
He didn’t respond, so I asked, "When do you leave?"
"In an hour," he said, his eyes flicking back up to mine, pleading for understanding.
I wanted to scream, to lash out and demand he stay with me. But I knew it wouldn't change the situation. So I nodded, swallowing back my tears.
Antonio stepped closer and wrapped his arms around me in a tight embrace. "I will be back soon," he whispered, kissing my forehead before slipping away.
After a few minutes of crying, I snuck outside and started walking. It was cold, but I pressed on.
The night sky stretched above me like an endless blanket of stars and then there was a light coating of snow on the ground. I liked the snow much more than I wanted the heat. The cold numbed the pain, and my lower leg was throbbing. Disappointment settled deep in my chest while I wandered through the barren orange orchard.
He didn’t want our future. The only way to answer that was that he didn’t want me. Maybe he would've stayed if I had been different and reacted better.
I had been lost in myself, distrustful. Quick to explode. There was so much anger inside of me, so much grief. I didn’t like myself anymore, but I wasn’t sure if I liked anyone else.
