AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“But there could have been feathers,” Shaw said. “That was the important part.”
“I’ve had a kink in my neck for a motherfucking month, in case anybody cares.”
“So,” Auggie said—and the poor kid actually held up his hand. “I’m going to jump in here. Birds Aren’t Real is, um, real. Like, in the sense that it’s an actual movement. But it’s, like, a joke. A parody of conspiracy theories. It’s—”
“I swear to God, John,” Emery said, “if I hear one more Gen Z-er use the word ironic incorrectly, I’m going to commit murder.”
Auggie threw Theo a look, and Theo said, “It’s satire.”
“Oh.” A little color came into Emery’s face. “All right, then.”
“So, this woman,” Tean asked, “the one in Yesenia’s room, she—what? Fell for it? Believes it’s actually real?”
“Like me,” Shaw said proudly.
Auggie shrugged. “No idea.”
“More importantly,” North said, “is she the one who took a dump on the bed?”
“I could try to find her on social media,” Auggie said. “I’m pretty good at that.”
“No,” Theo said, sitting forward. “You’re not doing that. He’s not doing that.”
“I’m on my phone all day anyway,” Auggie said. And then, in a lower voice that was clearly meant for Theo alone, he added, “And it’s my decision.”
An ugly flush rippled through Theo’s face, and he looked away.
“That would be helpful,” Jem said.
“But we don’t want to cause any problems,” Tean said, his gaze sliding from Auggie to Theo.
“We want to help,” Auggie said. “We’re good at finding people.”
“Then do me a favor,” North said, “and find Yesenia while you’re at it.”
Auggie shrugged. “I can see if she’s posted anything. I can look at Missy’s stuff, too, if you tell me what to look for.”
North grunted. “While iCarly does his thing, Shaw and I are going to do some real detective work and track her down. If she’s alive, your friend goes free. If she’s dead, we still get paid.”
“And if she’s dead,” Shaw said, “I can probably contact her spirit on the astral plane and find out who killed her.”
“You don’t have to help us,” Tean said.
“Why not?” North said. “We’re looking for her anyway.”
“Besides,” Shaw said, “you saved North’s life.”
“Excuse me?” North said.
“With the knife. When you were trying to fight the bad guys with a pillow.”
“He didn’t save my life, thank you very fucking much. I was handling that situation.”
Shaw cocked his head. And then he made a soft, understanding noise.
“No,” North said.
“Of course you were handling it,” Shaw said. “You were handling it so well.”
