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Before now, words had been used to hurt. I didn’t realize they could feel like a gentle breeze. Sweeping across my skin. Leaving remnants of their existence. Reminding me there’s good out there.
On an exhale, my shoulders drop, and I close the inch of space between us, pressing my mouth against his. His stubble tickles my skin, and I smile against the softness of his lips.
It should be awkward, my face in his hand and our lips pressed together, but all I can think isfinally. This is the happiness he spoke of. I never want it to end.
When we part, it’s in sync. He bites his lip and shrugs, and a giggle bubbles up inside me. There’s no stopping the giddiness from escaping.
I kissed Ash. It was amazing. More than I ever imagined. I’m on cloud nine million. There’s no coming down from this. I lift my hands to my face, attempting to cover my laughter, joy, and the overwhelming urge to kiss him again.
“Oh my God, Ash! My gardening gloves. I must be a mess.”
“You’re beautiful.”
No one spends six hours in their gardens without walking away filthy. It’s impossible. I’m sure there are dirt smears all over my face and soil speckled in my tangled hair.
And I have my torn-up overalls on.
Halloween stores could sell my look as “date night tragedy.”
“I didn’t know you were coming over. I wouldn’t be wearing…well, this. I would—”
My words are cut off by his lips pressing gently to mine. Only briefly, before he pulls away. “I wouldn’t want you to look any other way.”
Heat blossoms in my cheeks and spreads through my chest. Not from embarrassment. I’ve never felt so seen. Accepted.
Even as he stares, adoration shining from his eyes, I wait for the insults to come. My stomach churns as years of abuse make me feel unworthy of his kindness.
I hate that Craig has infiltrated this wonderful moment. He spent years tearing me down. Telling me to keep my nails painted to cover the filth. Clamping his hands over his nose and saying, “A woman who works with plants should smell more like flowers.” Making sexual jabs about me being the wrong kind of dirty.
He used all myflawsas excuses to sleep around. I was the worst wife. Every affair was my fault. Every insult brought on by my failings.
Yet, he wouldn’t let me go.
Once you belong to Craig Mathison, you always belong to him. He made sure to remind me of that today. The malice in his dark stare after our divorce was finalized sent shivers down my spine, leaving no doubt in my mind he meant it.
Worrying over what he’d do to anyone who gets close to me has kept me from pursuing anyone.
Especially Ash.
“Stop thinking about him. He’s not here. He has nothing to do with us. With what just happened. With what could happen.”
His words are almost enough to make me forget it all. The compassion in his eyes and way his warm hands envelop mine are almost enough to chase away my worries.
“I wish it were that simple, Ash.”
I want it to be. There’s nothing I want more than to embrace this moment, but the reality is, Craig will never let Ash and I be together. He’ll find a way to destroy us. Ash knows it as much as I do.
We stand in silence, neither of us ready to admit the truth. The heaviness of how much we wish this could work is strangling. When two people care about each other as much as Ash and I do, nothing should keep them apart.
“One date,” he says before I can fall any deeper into my thoughts. “Just one. If you want to walk away after that, I’ll let you. I promise you that. I also promise you won’t want to.”
Determination and excitement dance around him. His green stare doesn’t waver from mine, waiting for me to decide, not pushing me to agree.
That makes the decision for me. His kind and patient nature deserves more than me simply agreeing to what he asks. But I also don’t want to say no. A date with Ash is too tempting.
After, I’ll figure out how to help him understand we can only be friends. I don’t know how, but I have to try.
For both our sakes.
