AllFreeNovel
Share Us
There are so many things I wish I could go back and change. So many years wasted. So much unhappiness.
It’s all so complicated.
But damn, he looks good. Why does he always look good? When he smiles. The way his green eyes light up. I’ll never admit to how much time I’ve spent fantasizing about pulling his dark hair out of the bun he keeps it in and wrapping my fingers in those curls. Bringing him close. Feeling his heat against me. Having him kiss me.
Ash has consumed my thoughts. Without him, I never would have survived my marriage. He has no idea how many times he saved me.
“Can I come in, River?”
I step back and let him by, holding the beautifully thoughtful gift he brought like a shield in front of me. It’s silly. I don’t need protection from Ash.
Kicking the door closed, I put Dottie on the floor and go to my supply room, seeking out a plant stand, then set her up in an east-facing window where I know she will thrive.
Ash says nothing as I welcome her to her new home, checking her soil to make sure she doesn’t need water, looking her leaves over, adjusting her so the sun hits her just right. When I can no longer stall, I turn to him.
His smirk says it all. I’m busted for being a coward. But I don’t care. Probably because there’s no judgment in his stare. Maybe he needed a minute too.
I can only hope.
“Can we talk now?”
I don’t know what to say. What to ask. I’ve wondered—no, hoped, I hadn’t messed up any chance I had with him by being with Craig. I still don’t know how this can work because of Craig.
It’s such a mess. I made this mess.
Tears burst forth, and I can’t stop them. I’m finally divorced and thrilled about it. Ash is here and he wants to be my “just right.” In the movies, this would be the happy ending.
So why am I so confused?
“Shhh. It’s okay. I’ve got you.”
His arms wrap around me, and I sink into his chest, frustration and anger flowing out of me. Three years of fighting Craig to sign the divorce papers. Him using his influence as our town mayor to keep me married to him. My inability to forge a personal life out of fear for him.
I gave up so much for a man who never truly loved me. He coveted power, verbally attacking me the four years we were married before separating, continuing to emotionally and mentally abuse me after that.
How on earth did I choose him over this wonderful soul?
“You shouldn’t be here. I don’t deserve you.”
His chest muffles my words. It hurts to admit, but the truth is, I doomed us both. I knew how he felt about me growing up. I knew those feelings lingered throughout my marriage. It’s been obvious he was waiting for me to make the move since I left Craig.
Ash has been patient, putting his life on hold for years, and I’ve let him.
I thought he would give up, find someone better. My heart ached thinking about him moving on, but I wanted that for him.
At least, that’s what I told myself.
But I’ve stayed close to Ash. Called on him when I’ve needed help. Asked him for advice. Gave light touches. Flirted. Sent signals only to back away.
I’ve been unkind to his heart.
“You deserve so much better.”
“No, no, no. I…you…uh—”
He caresses my cheek with his fingers, and I lean into his embrace, getting lost in his gaze. Green eyes that remind me of stems and leaves.Life.The life I wish we had lived together.
“You deserve everything that makes you happy. Don’t let a man who never loved you rob you of knowing that.”
