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At last…
They moved closer to each other, not breaking eye contact, and then he was so close she could feel his breath on her lips, smell the wine and chocolate on him as well as his own delicious scent. She wanted to bury her face in his neck and never come up for air again.
And then they were kissing and It was everything she’d always known it would be. His lips were warm and soft, his tongue was insistent as it explored her, his arms were strong around her and as he pulled her onto his lap, she wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him with everything she had.
The kiss went on and on and on…
And then it stopped.
Suddenly.
They were both breathless. Hearts racing.
Ellie met Finn’s eyes and saw something there that made her want to cry.
‘What is it, Finn?’ she said even though she didn’t want to know.
He closed his eyes for a moment and when he opened them, they were glassy. ‘It’s this, Ellie. It’s—’
‘Oh my god, no. Not this again, Finn. Not again.’
‘Ellie.’ He took hold of her shoulders but she shrugged out of his grip and slid off his lap then went to stand in front of the fireplace.
‘I can’t believe this is happening again.’ She pushed her hands through her hair and stared at the coffee table. At the wine and the chocolate and then back at Finn.
Was this really happening? How could it be?
‘It’s not like that, Ellie. I’m just concerned. The last thing I want is to take advantage. You—’
‘Please go!’ She cut him off then averted her eyes from his and pointed at the doorway. ‘Please leave now. I want to be alone.’
‘Ellie!’ he got up and came towards her but she folded her arms over her chest and shook her head. ‘Leave. Please, Finn. I want to be alone.’
‘Let me explain, at least?’ His tone was imploring but Ellie was consumed with humiliation and the sting of rejection and so she couldn’t listen, couldn’t be placated with more excuses.
She shook her head, darted past him and bolted up the stairs. She barely registered the two cats sitting on the landing as she passed them and charged into her bedroom then flung herself face down on the bed.
She heard the distant sounds of Finn taking the glasses and bottle through to the kitchen then him putting on his boots in the hallway. There was silence for a moment as if he was lingering there, unsure whether to leave, and then the door opened and closed and she knew that she was alone.
The cottage creaked as it settled. The duvet beneath her was soft. Somewhere outside a crow squawked and another answered.
And then, there was a gentle pressure at her side and warm breath on her cheek. She turned her head to find bright green eyes watching her. She wasn’t alone. Even though her heart was breaking all over again.
As the tears ran down her cheeks, William Shakespaw snuggled into her side and she buried her hands in his soft, warm fur and let his purring soothe her. It was as if the cat knew that she was hurting and he’d come to offer her comfort. When Cleocatra joined them, Ellie made a fuss of her too and then the three of them lay on the bed together, Ellie crying, the cats purring, as the rain started up again outside and the wind whistled through the trees in the garden.
Chapter23
Ellie
The next week passed in a blur for Ellie. She’d sent Finn a text the day after their kiss, telling him she didn’t feel well enough to go on their date and letting him down as gently as she could. She suspected he probably really didn’t want to go on the date either, even though he’d paid a lot for her company. Well, why would he? Last night, he’d pulled away from kissing her and she had felt the rejection like a knife to her guts. It had been truly awful and she never wanted to feel that way again. After all, she was a forty-six-year-old woman now, not a teenager and she didn’t have to put herself in situations where she’d be rejected ever again. She felt like a total idiot though for wanting Finn, for kissing him when he quite clearly hadn’t wanted to kiss her and for the way she’d behaved afterwards. And since then she hadn’t felt up to facing anyone. Not Finn, not Darcie, not a soul. But she was also low on groceries and fed up of drinking her tea black, so she needed to at least go to the grocery shop and get some milk and bread. She could put a hat and sunglasses on, walk there quickly and walk back quickly. There was no need to see a soul. She would then hide away and wait for the shame to pass. And as for the money Finn had paid at the auction for the date, she’d pay it back soon and then her conscience would be clear.
The roses Finn had bought her were still in the vase on the kitchen table. She hadn’t had the heart to throw them out and so they’d bloomed through the week and were now starting to fade, their beauty ebbing away like the memories of the beautiful friendship she’d once shared with Finn. And look at what had happened that time. Things had all gone wrong then and this time too. Finn and Ellie were clearly not meant to be and they never had been. She should have learnt that lesson the first time when she was seventeen. But no, he’d been kind to her and bought her some flowers and chocolates and she’d misread his friendship as romantic interest and kissed him and embarrassed them both.
Her only consolation since last weekend had been Willy and Cleo, her furry buddies as she’d come to call them. The lovely cats visited daily, keen to snuggle with her and to eat whatever she had spare and she found herself looking forward to their visits. She knew they must live on the street, their collars had a mobile number on, but she hadn’t phoned it to find out who owned them because she worried their owner might put a stop to them visiting and that would be devastating for her right now. Perhaps she should get a cat of her own to keep her company. Or two cats. It would be nice to have some warm, furry companions of her own. And seeing as how she was clearly destined to grow old without a partner she could at least have some lovely cats to share her home.
Woolly hat, large sunglasses and scarf donned, along with knee-high boots and a tweed coat she found in the cupboard under the stairs, that had once belonged to her aunt — or rather hermum— she set off for the shop. She kept her head down to avoid making eye contact with anyone and stared at the pavement ahead of her, the sound of her boots tap-tapping on the pavement reminding her of a heartbeat.
When she got to the shop, she went inside and grabbed a basket then filled it with some necessities. In the chocolate aisle, she grabbed a few bars of her favourite dark chocolate then her gaze landed on the chocolate truffles Finn had bought for her. Her vision blurred and she had to swallow hard. The problem was that she didn’t just have romantic feelings for Finn, he was her friend and she missed having him around. But after what she’d done, could she really have him as just a friend? She clearly found him incredibly attractive, but the feeling wasn’t mutual and so could she be friends with him or would the lines be destined to forever blur for her?
