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Two pink lines.
No, no, nonono.
This could not be happening. I had a life plan. I had goals and career aspirations. Now? Now apparently I was having a baby. Holding onto my virginity into my mid-twenties wasn't some great act of virtue or anything. Sure, my parents were traditional when it came to what they wanted from me. Marry a nice Indian boy, settle down and have kids. Easy, right? Oh, and save myself for my wedding night. I rolled my eyes so hard it hurt.
I was more of a realist. I would've given it up a lot sooner, but I got caught up in school and building my career. Plus, no guy ever seemed worth the effort. At some point along the way, I just stopped trying. There were plenty of options when I was at MIT, but the geeky vibe just didn't do it for me.
I liked a man with confidence who knew what he wanted. Or at least I thought I did. I didn't have a lot of experience in the reality of what I wanted. It was just something I thought would be nice to have, you know?
Now I sat on my bathroom floor, trying not to freak out. My mind raced with all sorts of possibilities. I said a silent thanksto whatever god was listening that I at least knew who my baby daddy was.
Oh my god, I have a baby daddy.
It could be worse. I could be one of those women who went on trashy daytime TV to find out who among a crowd of men fathered their baby. Thankfully I'd only ever had sex with one guy.
My BFF Kennedy was totally going to freak out. Not because I couldn't handle a baby on my own. I most definitely could. I had a great job, and I made plenty of money. I didn't need someone to take care of me. But the thought of going through this by myself wasn't exactly what I'd imagined when I planned out my future.
No, Kennedy would freak out because of who fathered this baby.
True.
Her husband's best friend and heartbreaker guitarist for Shadow Phoenix. Yep, my baby daddy was a bonafide rock star.
Sliding down the wall to curl up in a ball on the cold tile floor, I pulled out my phone, absently noting my hand shaking like crazy. I still clutched the white stick in my other hand. I dialed Kennedy praying she picked up. I needed her to tell me I could do this.
"Hey, Am!" She greeted me as if my world wasn't one giant clusterfuck right now. "You're never up this early on Saturday."
"I'm sort of freaking the fuck out right now."
"I can tell, you sound weird. Hold on, let me go outside so we can talk in private." She and her husband, Zen, were never very far away from each other. When he performed, she traveled with him and hung out backstage at his concerts. When he wasn't with the band, they were basically inseparable. I was glad she was going to be out of his earshot because I didn't want him to hear this news before I had a chance to figure out what to do next.
Her muffled voice came through the phone as if she'd pressed it up against her body before she came back on the line. "Are you there?"
"I'm here."
"Okay, what's going on?"
"I messed up, Ken. I mean, I messed up big."
She exhaled, no doubt a breathing exercise she used to keep her anxiety in check. "We've been through so much, and we'll get through this, too. Whatever it is."
"I'm…"
She waited patiently for me to speak. I knew Kennedy and interrupting wasn't her style. She'd wait for me to get out whatever I needed to in my own time. The problem was I didn't know if I could actually say the words out loud. Fuck.
"I'm… pregnant."
She inhaled sharply, probably trying to get herself under control, so she didn't scream. At least that's what I would have done if I was on the receiving end of this phone call.
"How? I mean, I thought you'd never had sex."
I sighed. "I have had sex exactly one time with one person."
She giggled.
"What's so funny? My life is falling apart, and you're giggling."
"I just thought that since it's only been once with the one person, at least you're not like one of those girls on trashy daytime TV."
