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She nodded and hopped down, walking over to make my tea. “So, spill it.”
I bit my lip, not really sure where to start. “This week has been great. I didn’t even realize I needed it as much as I did. I’m going home in two days.”
She turned toward me and rested her arms on the counter in front of me, leveling her blue gaze on me. “But?”
“But am I being nuts about this? I have so many doubts running through my mind. I want to trust True when he says he wants us to work, wants to be a family. He’s proven himself with everything he’s done this week. It’s like he was sent by Thor himself.”
Kennedy giggled at my use of her sub for “god.” I liked Thor better anyway. What could I say? He was hot as fuck.
“What’s the problem then?”
“Is it weird that I’m afraid it’s too good to be true? He’s got this time off and can dedicate it to me because things are pretty quiet with Shadow Phoenix right now, but what happens in a month? Or six? Or a year?”
Kennedy sighed. “Girl, I have more experience than most when it comes to freaking out about the future. I used to constantly live in either the future or the past in my head. It still takes a lot of effort to stay as present in the moment as I can. But that’s the key. You can’t let your fears of what might happen in the future stop you from experiencing what could possibly be a great thing right now. What ifs work both ways. You can look at the possible shitty outcomes, or you can look at what could be the best thing that ever happened to you. The thing is you never know until you try.”
I blinked back tears that were starting to pop up at any sign of emotion. Another pregnancy side effect. “When did you get so wise?”
She laughed. “About the time the love of my life smacked me upside the head and convinced me to take a chance at living life. I’ve never been so glad I took a leap in my life, and I don’t want you to miss out on something magical because you’re afraid.”
Fuck, she was right. Even if True broke my heart, I couldn’t spend my life wondering what might have been had I taken the chance because what if he didn’t break my heart? What could my life be like? Didn’t I owe it to not just myself but our baby, too?
“You’re right. I need to run towards the fear instead of away. What’s the worst that could happen?” I forced myself to take a deep breath and relax my tense shoulders.
“That’s the spirit,” she said, clinking her mug against mine. Her eyes twinkled as if she knew what I was in store for and couldn’t wait for me to experience it. I hoped she was right and that I wasn’t setting myself up for total devastation down the line. Guess I’d worry about that later if I ever needed to.
Growing a human was exhausting work, and I didn’t have the energy to fight against what was happening between True and I. He wanted to be a family? Well, bring it on True. In the meantime, I needed to have a talk with him about where we go from here. For now, I had to go back home and figure out when to tell my parents about the baby.
They were going to freak out when I told them I was pregnant without a husband. They were going to double freak out when they found out the father was a rock star. They disapproved of my friendship with Kennedy now just because she was married to Zen, and she’d been in my life for years. My parents had been trying to get me to give in to the idea of them arranging a marriage for me for a few years now, but I always resisted.
I wasn’t looking for love or a relationship. Those things had never really mattered to me that much. I was more focused on building my career, learning all I could in a male-dominated industry. I wanted to be the best software engineer I could because I was obsessed with code. Figuring out problems, building apps and programs got my adrenaline pumping. I knew it didn’t seem like what most people would consider a thrill, but when something I designed got out of beta testing and hit the market, I felt like I could do anything. I created something, and I guess it was sort of like building a legacy. It was a special feeling that I wasn’t in a hurry to give up.
So, for now, I needed to ask True if he’d be willing to go with me to Seattle to tell my parents about the baby. Now that I’d decided to give in to whatever was happening between us, I was going to take full advantage of the fact that he wanted to be there for me and little P.
In two days, I’d be going home, but it felt like I’d be leaving a part of myself behind, which was a strange feeling. Besides my parents and my co-workers, everyone who meant anything to me was in LA. If my job was down here, it wouldn’t be an issue, I’d move in a heartbeat.
I was starting to wonder why being near my parents mattered so much to me, though. My relationship with them was stable, but I wouldn’t call it good. More like fragile, and they were judgy as fuck. Now when I was taking the time to re-evaluate everything in my life, maybe I needed to consider whether that relationship was one I wanted to try to maintain.
At the top of my to-figure-out list, though, was talking to my boss. I was pretty sure I could telecommute and still be just as effective at my job. I opened my email app and composed a quick note requesting a meeting with him on Monday morning. I needed to be sure of what my options were before I made any decisions.
Now that I’d decided I was going to give True the chance to prove to me we could be a family, I had to do some giving, too. That meant looking into the prospect of moving to LA permanently. I made enough money that affording a place to live wouldn’t be an issue. Once I talked to my boss, I’d start looking into what it would take to move.
Kennedy was watching me closely over the rim of her mug. “What’s going on in that beautiful mind of yours?”
I shrugged. “I’m just trying to figure out what my next move is.”
“Are you going to give him a chance?”
I nodded. “I think I owe it to myself and to little P to see how it turns out, even if it scares the shit out of me.”
“I think you’re making the right decision. What’s next, then?”
“I requested a meeting with my boss on Monday to see if I can telecommute. If I can’t, I may need to start looking for something else that will let me work remotely. I know I need to tell my parents, but I want to wait until after I hit twelve weeks to do it. There’s no sense going through the hell they’re going to rain down on me for this if something happens before then.” My stomach rolled at the thought. I rested my hand on my stomach again, silently wishing for nothing to go wrong. I hadn’t planned this little one, but now that I had him or her, I never wanted to lose them.
Kennedy nodded thoughtfully. “That’s a good place to start. When are you going to talk to True?”
“Tomorrow. It’s my last full day here, and we’re going on a date.”
“Oooh, fun! What are you guys up to?”
