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"Nothing, it's just… He's been different since the wedding, and I had no idea what changed. Maybe what changed was his night with you. No offense, but this is going to be fun to watch play out." She giggled again.
I rolled my eyes. "I'm glad my fucked up life is entertaining. I'd call you a bitch, but we both know I'd be lying since you're too good to me."
She laughed. "C'mon, Am. This really isn't a bad thing. It's not like you can't support a baby on your own if you have to, and you know you've got me and Z here for you. When are you going to tell him?"
The bathroom floor was starting to make my body ache, but I couldn't find the will to move off of it. I closed my eyes, taking a calming breath to try and center myself like I'd learned how to do in the yoga classes Kennedy used to drag me to before she moved to LA. "I guess sooner rather than later. If he wants to be involved, I don't want him to miss out on anything important."
"So you're keeping it for sure, right? Like that's not even a question?"
Funny, until now, I hadn't even considered another option. "Yeah, there's no other option. Deep down, even though I just found out, I already love this little parasite." I didn't admit out loud that I loved that the baby growing inside me was half True and that we'd created it together. I didn't want to examine that feeling too deeply at the moment and decided to shove it deep down instead. I hoped it'd stay locked away because True was a complication I didn't need.
I groaned. "Oh god, how am I going to explain this to my parents?"
"First things first. Come down here. You don't want to tell him over the phone or text. Come stay with Z and me and you can go to the doctor to find out for sure. I'll go with you. Then you can tell True."
I didn't need a doctor to know I was pregnant. My boobs had been aching for weeks, and my period was late AF. Plus, I'd been taking naps, which was something I never did. Ever. I was exhausted all the time. At this point, I was thanking all that was holy I hadn't had any sickness so far.
"Are you sure? I don't want to be in the way."
"You know we have your room ready here all the time. Gray's been staying with us for a little while until he finds a place, but he has his room, so as long as you don't mind a bit of a full house, you know you're always welcome."
Kennedy always kept a room ready for me at her house. I didn't even have to pack a bag. She kept a few changes of clothes and my favorite toiletries always stocked. It really felt like a home away from home I could escape to whenever I needed it.
"Yeah, I'll book a flight now. See you this afternoon?"
"I'll make a doctor's appointment. See you soon!"
Her excitement over this whole situation had done exactly what I hoped I'd get when I called her. My resolve hardened. I could do this. We'd worked out a plan, and I knew what the next step was.
First, I'd fly to LA and get settled at Kennedy and Zen's. Then, we'd go to the doctor to confirm what I already knew in my gut, and my instincts were hardly ever wrong.
After that, I'd have to tell True.
That last part scared the shit out of me. What if he wanted nothing to do with our baby? It was time for me to pull on my big girl panties and take control of the mess I'd created of my life. Whether he wanted this baby or not, I wanted it. My little parasite.
I rested my hand on my flat stomach while I sprawled out flat on the cold tile of the bathroom floor. "I'm gonna love you no matter what happens, little P. It's you and me, and probably your Aunt Kennedy, and we're going to be just fine."
I took a deep breath and sat up, tucking the pregnancy test I still held into my pocket. I had a flight to catch.
It'd been over a month since I lost my goddamn mind.
I hadn't been able to think about anything else except her.Amara.It'd taken me months to convince her to give herself to me, and she finally had. But since then? Nothing. Almost complete radio silence.
She'd been a virgin, the first one I'd ever been with, including when I lost my own to Rachel Harris in tenth grade. I figured she'd want to stick around after giving me a gift like that. I sure as fuck wanted her to. She was the only thing I wanted. But she wouldn't give herself to me.
During one of a thousand walks down memory lane I took on the daily, I remembered her warmth wrapped around my body, how it felt like she was made just for me. Watching her come undone underneath me, her honey-colored eyes rolled back in pleasure, had been slowly driving me insane.
I couldn't even call it want anymore. No, I'd crossed that threshold on about day two of this shitty Amara-less streak. I needed her. At least I'd had some solid material to jerk off to.
I wanted to forget, to be able to move on. But every time I even considered looking at another woman, I felt guilty as fuck. I had to face it. I was hung up on Amara, and I didn't know if I could ever move past it. I didn't know if Iwantedto move past it. No, what I wanted was to be with her.
I had no doubt the guys were starting to wonder what the fuck was wrong with me. It wasn't that hard to hide it from Maddox and Jericho, two of my three bandmates from Shadow Phoenix, the band I was the guitarist for. Zen, though, could read me like a fucking book despite the stoicnothing-to-see-heremask I tried to slip on anytime he was around.
He was perceptive as fuck, and I was sure he could recognize the desperately lovesick vibe I was putting out. He had it worse than anyone I'd ever met for his wife, Kennedy. Thankfully he hadn't said anything yet, but it was only a matter of time.
I glanced at the alarm clock next to me. Five fifty-seven. The sun wasn't even up yet. I used to sleep like a baby but not anymore. Amara didn't just haunt my days, she visited my dreams, too. Today would be day forty-one of me pretending I wasn't dying a slow death inside without her.
I picked up my phone to send her the same text I did every morning. If the guys ever knew I sent these messages, they'd never let me live it down, but right now I didn't give a shit. It was getting worse not better with time. Every day without Amara was worse than the day before, but I couldn't tell her. It'd freak her out. So, I sent the texts, trying to tell her how I felt with every new song that reminded me of her.
