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“I looked at the CNT website.”
He sighed. “I’m sorry.”
“I know, and you don’t have to be sorry. You didn’t do anything wrong. I knew this was coming.” He pulled me even closer to his body and pressed a kiss to the top of my head.
“That doesn’t make it easy to see.”
I leaned back and cupped his face with my palm while I got lost in the depths of his striking blue eyes. “I trust you completely. I don’t have any reason to feel insecure. It’s just hard to see you with someone else like you’re with me, even if I know it’s fake.”
“You’re a stronger person than I am, honey. I couldn’t handle seeing another guy touching you at all. I’d lose my shit.”
I chuckled. “Yeah, well, I’m pretty close.”
“I’m talking to Harrison today and telling him I’m done with this. Even if you could handle it, I can’t. I want to crawl out of my skin whenever I have to spend time with Lexi. There’s nothing this arrangement could offer me anymore that would be worth this torture. If I have to, I’ll scrap the whole album. I don’t even give a fuck anymore. I’m done.”
I stood up and grabbed the bag off the table. Maybe it wasn’t the most sensitive move in the moment, but hey, a pregnant lady’s got to eat. I sat back down next to True and grabbed his hand, lacing our fingers together and pulling our hands into my lap. “If that’s what you want to do, of course I support you. I hate this, too. But I don’t want you to quit because of me. I’ll always support whatever you want to do.”
His eyes softened. “I know. That’s one of the many things I love about you. But I’m not stopping this for you. I mean, I am, but mostly I’m stopping for me. I can’t stand it. It feelswrongdeep down. This isn’t who I am. I’ve always tried to be as honest and upfront as I can. Not only does it feel wrong pretending to be with another woman when I want to claim you to the world, but it feels wrong to my fans. The people who’ve been with me so far, who love Shadow Phoenix and who trust me. It feels like I’m betraying everyone, myself included, and it’s a fucking shitty feeling. I don’t want to do it anymore. I shouldn’t have done it in the first place.”
I eyed the bag I’d pulled onto the table in front of me, the thought of my steak sandwich making my mouth water. “I get it. I do. And for what it’s worth, I’m proud of you.”
“It’s worth everything. I love you.” He pressed a quick kiss to my lips, and I sighed. I loved the way he tasted. I opened my mouth, welcoming him in, and he deepened the kiss until my stomach growled. He pulled back with a laugh.
“Someone’s ready for lunch.” He grabbed for the bag, reaching inside and pulling out our food. He handed my sandwich to me.
“Mmhmm.” I couldn’t form words because my mouth was full of the huge bite of sandwich I’d just shoved inside.
We ate in relative silence, but it wasn’t uncomfortable. I think we were both processing everything that had happened yesterday and this morning. After I drank some carbonated water, I sat back and rested my hand on my belly, satisfied and content. I sighed and closed my eyes, a small smile playing over my lips.
“Oh!” I quickly sat up, and my eyes flew open. “True! Give me your hand.” He set his sandwich down and held his hand out for me. I grabbed it and put it over my stomach.
“What’s happen-”
“Shh! Just wait.” I glanced at him, and his eyes widened.
“Is that…?”
I nodded, my eyes starting to sting. “Little P. Can you feel her?”
He slid off the couch and kneeled in front of me on the floor, putting both hands on my bump. “Oh, my god. I can feel her.” He was looking at my belly with wonder in his eyes, and a tear slid down my cheek. My heart was so full it felt like it could burst with happiness. I’d never been happier than I was at this moment. It didn’t matter that our life wasn’t perfect right now. It might never be perfect. But this moment was perfect. The love True had for our baby took my breath away. I couldn’t have picked her a better daddy if I’d planned it. Maybe fate had its own magnificent plan. It sure seemed like it.
True rested his forehead against my stomach with his eyes closed. “Amara, do you believe in soulmates?”
I ran my fingers through his hair, the soft golden strands running through my fingers relaxed me. “I don’t know. If you would have asked me six months ago, I’d probably have said no.”
I felt his smile against my stomach. “And now?”
“Now I can’t imagine there could possibly be anyone in existence more perfectly made for me than you.” I sniffled. The amount of emotion I felt right now was overwhelming in the best way, but my body tended to process overwhelm as tears.
He looked up, and we locked eyes. “I love you.”
“I love you, too.” I leaned down and kissed him, but he pulled away quickly.
“Wait, little P needs a name. Now that we know she’s a girl for sure and her little ears are developed so she can hear us, we should start talking to her and using her name.”
“How do you know her ears are developed?” I leaned back against the couch, tucking one leg underneath me and opening a bag of chips.
True moved to sit next to me with a serious expression on his face, keeping a hand on my stomach. “The pregnancy tracker app on my phone. It tells me every day something new about little P’s growth or development. Did you know right now she’s about the size of a coconut?”
