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Mary, my fiancée, was a friend of mine growing up. We’d gone to school together. Never really dated, but we took each other’s virginity. We were friends, and at eighteen, I’d knocked her up. I wanted to do right by her with proposing. She accepted, and we were planning on getting hitched before the baby was born. The day Olly took Mary, she also took my unborn son as well.
“You going to tell her?” Bruiser asks, speaking up for the first time.
“Eventually,” I mutter and look to the bar where I motion for the prospect to get me another beer. This isn’t a conversation I like talking about, nor do I enjoy thinking about it. Because of my sister, I lost everything, but it’s due to the fuckers who started it all that I put the blame on. She might have pulled the trigger, but they handed her the loaded gun.
Fuck.
I let out a heavy breath and move my attention back to where Honor’s standing with the other women. She looks a bit more relaxed now. Hopefully being around the ol’ ladies will help her in overcoming everything she’s been through. Or at least come to terms with the fact she no longer has her best friend close by. It wasn’t a surprise when Delaney stayed behind. I saw it written all over her face she was interested in Glacier, and I hope it all works out for them.
As for Honor, I’m going to do everything in my power to make it work for her and to give her everything she needs.
CHAPTER15
HONOR
“How are you really doing?” Zinnia asks the first moment we have alone.
“I’m okay, I suppose.” I shrug.
Being here at the clubhouse, at first it freaked me out, but that feeling eased for me after a while.Everyone has been making it easy for me to be around them without me becoming overly anxious. Sure, when we first got here it felt like my heart would beat right out of my chest. However, Zinnia and the others made me feel comfortable and at home.
I’ll admit talking to them is nothing like talking to Delaney. She’s my best friend, and I miss her already. I hated leaving her, but she’s happy with Glacier, and I needed to be here. The two of us still talk all the time on the phone. Whether it’s via text or phone calls, we connect in one way or another.
“Did Gunner ever tell you what happened to me?” Zinnia whispers, surprising me by her question.
I shake my head in answer. I knew something had, but I didn’t pry. It wasn’t my business. I figured if they wanted me to know, someone would have told me. What I did know is that Zinnia and my brother were together years ago, but then she disappeared out of the blue. I remember Gunner telling me she was it for him. That he intended to marry her. Then she was gone, and no one could find her. Now, she’s back, and they’re finally together, happy and having a kid.
“My brother sold me to a man who raped and tormented me for years. He wanted to break me. Did everything he could to do it, but I didn’t let him. When I finally got the chance to escape, I took it,” Zinnia murmurs loud enough for only my ears as she leans in. “I want you to know that I understand you. Everyone’s experience is their own, but I get you and what you went through. Your brother also confided in me.” She glances at my wrists briefly and brings her eyes back to mine. “None of the other ol’ ladies know, Gunner only told me because he wanted me to talk to you.”
I nod, swallowing past the thickness forming in my throat and croak, “Why?”
“Because, Honor, he wants you happy. Make sure you’re good and that you’ll one day be able go a day without thinking about the pain. I can help you,” she says, eyes filled with sorrow. “I know you’re going to therapy, but it’s good to have those around who care about you and will listen. Those who can relate.”
“Do the others have similar experiences?”
“No, not really.” Zinnia shakes her head and reaches for my hand. “That doesn’t mean they don’t have their own experiences they had to overcome. We’re all here for you.”
“That’s what Savage said,” I whisper and lick my bottom lip. Glancing from her to where I knew Savage was sitting with my brother and a few others I meet his gaze briefly before returning it back to Zinnia. “He confuses me.”
“How so?” she asks, furrowing a brow.
“It’s just the way he looks at me. Talks to me. I mean he went from not acknowledging my existence to being there for me. Saying he wants me.”
“Considering that man hasn’t been with anyone since you two hooked up after Delilah’s party—”
“You know about that?” I blurt, interrupting her, eyes wide.
“Oh yeah, it’s why Gunner and I didn’t stay. Well, that and I promised Delilah I’d watchFrozenwith her. That’s not to say your brother wasn’t happy. But then, the next day, Savage came to talk to him. He didn’t bullshit your brother. Then everything went down, and he pulled his head out of his ass. That’s what Gunner said, at least.”
“I don’t know what to think about that.”And I didn’t. Savage went to my brother after the two of us had sex. It’s mortifying that he would do that. Why?“Why would Savage go to Gunner?”
“Because it’s a respect thing. Savage didn’t even flinch when Gunner nailed him with a punch. He took it and from what Gunner said he was waiting for more than just that.”
My lips part, and I stare at her unseeingly as I remember at the hospital, seeing Savage sitting next to the hospital bed. He’d had a bruise on his face if I’m not mistaken, a cut lip too.
I’ve crushed on this man for as long as I can remember and now, he’s here for me. He’s showing interest in me. Wants me. But after everything I’ve been through, can I do it? Can I be with a man?
The new therapist I started seeing, gave me a task, and that’s to write down my thoughts every morning. She called it a thankful-for journal. She also told me that it was okay to feel things like the way I told her my body responded to Savage’s. I know it was just our first session, but something about my therapist made me feel comfortable enough to open up to her. It also helped that she told me her own experience. Said she didn’t believe in her patients thinking they were alone in talking about what they’re going through. She wants them to trust in her.
