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CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN
Dear Candy Cade,
Your bottom lip pouts when you focus. It’s so sexy I want to bite it. In a sweet way. And then your face, it’s like an innocent doll. But then you’ve got those violet cat eyes with those thick eyebrows that intimidate the shit out of people.
Sorry.
I’m staring.
You look so damn cute cooking in my kitchen. That sarong you’ve got wrapped around you? I’m gonna rip it off in about ten minutes.
So for now, I’ll just enjoy this, sitting on my sofa and watching you across the room.
Fuck, I’m happy.
I find myself writing that a lot lately.
We had a second perfect day.
You let me take you surfing. You’re a good sport because these waves ain’t like the ones at home. But you’ve always been a badass. You have no fear. You paddled out with me, popped up like a champ, and owned them until one wiped you out. I got scared when you didn’t come up. I panicked and swam over, but then you did, coughing with a smile.
Moments like that…
Man, I fall in love with you all over again.
But are we kidding ourselves?
I’ve watched it cross your eyes today.
Yes, we can forget and have fun. I can make you laugh or make love to you in the shower. I didn’t know what my body would do, letting your hands slide down over my ass while I had you against the wall. But I was too deep inside you and wanting you so much that I fought it off.
How it hits me like a sudden punch when I feel you touch my scar.
It’s like fighting back a wildfire that’s going to explode.
And I catch them.
The quick glimpses you give my body now that I let you see it. I’m trying. I’m walking around naked to make us both get used to it. But I don’t know if it’s working.
I’ve always known that look in your eyes. When you care so much for me or someone else that you forget yourself.
Remember how you used to let me and Renie stay with you?
My mom would have some dickhead boyfriend over, and I didn’t trust a strange man around my little sister. Most of them didn’t like me either. One kept calling me “Brad Pitt” like he hated me, and I felt it. I had to protect my sister and get her out of there.
You let us spend the night with you. You gave Renie your bed and your stuffed animals. We were sixteen, and I loved that about you. That you still had yours. That you’d do that for her.
But Renie was scared to be alone, and you only had a twin bed, so you slept on the floor beside her, and I slept beside you. The look in your eyes. All I felt was guilt and love that we made you worry.
So you told your mom, didn’t you?
I never asked you, but my mom called the next day and said that man was gone and we could come home.
I think Mama G had something to do with it. She’s like that. Like a shadow, silent but watching. Reminds me of you.
Well, the watching part.
