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I want to kiss her so much.
But she’s still fighting this, I can tell. Like she’s cheating on Redix to be with me. Or like she’s cheating on me to still be in love with him.
And all I want to do is help her see love doesn’t have to be that way.
It can be bigger if you let it.
CHAPTER TWELVE
Forgive Me by Sofi Tukker, Mahmut Orhan
She always brings my favorite donuts to the meetings—old-fashioned ones with no glaze.
Wonder if she noticed that about me?
“Hello, my name is Karen, and I’m an alcoholic.”
And now she’s sharing again. This time, I listen more closely.
“Hi Karen,” we reply, and she starts.
“It’s been a rough week. I just get overwhelmed being a single mom. I love my son, don’t get me wrong. I got sober when I found out I was pregnant, but sometimes, I just need a break. And that scares me because the only break I can get without a babysitter is in a wine bottle, and I don’t want to go back.”
Karen’s cute. She can’t help that she’s a brunette with short brown hair, just like Cade. But she wears hers in a bob, so it’s different. And she’s a single mom to a son, and I’m a softie for that because of Renie and Nicolas.
I told Renie everything. I didn’t want to ruin our Christmas, but she had to know about Derek. It’s for their safety.
Nicolas loves living at my house, though. The pool is heated, and he’s always in it. But Renie’s nervous now, and I hate that.
I called HGR Security and have two guards on shifts. They shadow Renie and Nicolas wherever they go. One of the guards is a woman—Scarlett. She covers the day shift and makes Renie feel less jumpy. The other guy, Keith. He covers nights and seems good, too.
But I dread the meeting scheduled this afternoon. Cade and some deputies are coming over to talk to Renie.
Fuck, it’s gonna be rough having Cade back in the house.
I bought it for us with hopes of a family there, but after what she did—that dream’s dead.
I don’t hate her anymore. I just grieve the loss because I spent ten years dreaming of a life with Cade, and I held it in my hand for one perfect week before it was taken away.
It’s so hard forgiving her for that. She chose our past instead of our future. Why?
Our future felt like a castle I built in my mind. I escaped there in my darkest hours, and it kept me alive. Cade kept me alive.
But now we’re back in the haunted house of our past. Or at least, I am.
When I saw her with Silas at the store, they looked happy. Guess he’s her castle now. He’s good for her. I saw how she stands close to him and how he helps her with little things like taking the bags for her.
But I can’t shake it.
I look at him and feel something, and it’s not weird. It intrigues me. It gives me hope. For what, I don’t know. It lightens my chest and pulls me to him, and that must be what Cade feels for him, too.
Like I find myself thinking about her. That’s not new. I do it every hour if not every minute. But now I think about Silas next and what does it mean? That I’m jealous? Shouldn’t I feel like shit?
I do when it comes to missing Cade.
But the two of them together? I don’t.
I just feel… what… warm when I think about them together. And then something else, and I can’t name it.
