AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“Fuck yes,” and I know he wants to say my name. “Show them how you fucking ride my cock.” I want to cry his name too, but I can’t, so it’s just his words. “Fucking take me,” he roars. “Take what you want.”
That’s what I ask myself, what I need to know. What I need to let go of now and trust I’ll feel it again.
What do I want?
This storm in my body. It’s raging in my heart, and it needs to stop. It needs to break across the rocks of so many painful years and be gone forever. I throw my body into this, desperately needing to let it go.
“You love this, don’t you?” He’s taunting me there. The woman on the sofa fingering herself comes to our fuck. “You love them watching you get fucked.” The man to my right comes in the mouth of a woman on her knees, both enjoying our show.
“Yes.” I can do this. I need this, and I won’t stop until I have it.
Silas sees I’m suspended above him, above my cliff. “Whose pussy loves this cock?” Oh God, our audience wants me to say it’s his. “Whose pussy is this?” The bearded man on the sofa who wants Silas comes to his taunts. He comes because he wants to be me, fucking Silas’s luscious cock. Silas sees the man come and groans because he’s ready, too. “Whose pussy is gonna come so hard?”
I jump. “Mine.” I crash, my hands grabbing his shoulders, my chin dropping to the shudders breaking across my body. “Mine.” It shakes my lips, quaking my thighs. “Mine.” That truth pours from my depths along with my cum down his shaft.
“Fuck, yes!” He thrusts into me, and my answer. “Yes!” He opens his throat, his ribs seizing with gasps while I feel him pulsing inside me with groans of “Oh God” as my name threatens to escape his lips.
The room, the audience, the world, and my heartbreak disappear while I take Silas’s kiss. His arms wrap around me, pulling me deeper into him, and I feel new.
I am.
And in this void of a place I’ve never known. I’m happy. I’m free…
And suddenly, I think of him. Redix. And he’s here with me. He’ll always be, and I hold back my cry into Silas’s kiss because this isn’t our end.
This is our beginning.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
Nothing Compares by The Weeknd
My foot bounces when I’m nervous. It’s a new habit for my sober body that doesn’t know what to do. My heart feels wrong. But my head says it’s right. And for so long, I did everything wrong.
So this. I can make myself do this.
I can sit across from Karen at this romantic Italian restaurant. I can order a seltzer while everyone else drinks wine. I can make polite conversation and order the veal piccata she wants. And I can smile while my armpits sweat.
Because I don’t belong here.
“I’m sorry.”
I’ve said it twice already, but I can’t let it go. It’s been two weeks since some tourist took that picture of me and Karen at the coffee shop, and the poor woman has been hounded.
“I’m fine.” Her red nails bat my apology away. “It’s not that bad. My friends are jealous, and my neighbors gawk, and I feel like JLo and Ben, so I’m not complaining.”
Ben fucking hates this shit, too, especially when his kids are targeted, but I hold my tongue. I don’t have it as bad as him, so one coffee chat posted ain’t the end of the world.
“Besides,” she says, “they all want to know if we’re dating, so I guess we officially are.”
We are?
That’s news to me. I sip my seltzer and let it slide. If one coffee and one dinner make two a couple, then who am I to debate it?
There’s a mountain of shit I don’t know about dating like a normal person. And I feel a mountain of pain because I don’t want to.
I know what I want. I just don’t know if I’m strong enough to have it again.
For the rest of my life, I see myself with Cade. Married to her. Our kids run around the house and jump into the pool. I strum a guitar on the sofa while she sits on the other end eating candy. She drops ice cream on her chin, and I wipe it away with a napkin.
