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And Silas.
I shouldn’t have kissed him. I could fucking lie and say, “I don’t know what came over me,” but I do. I’ve never met a man like him. Not sober, at least. Yes, he looks like me, and that could be weird as hell, but he’s different in ways I wish was.
That’s what I’m drawn to.
I’ve only met him a few times, but you can smell the freedom he lives with like the salt in the air. He’s intoxicating. Invigorating.
He makes me want it, too.
Because I’ve never been free; I’ve been trapped my whole life. Taking care of my family since I was a kid. Smiling for every fucking camera. Being what I had to be for everyone else. Protecting the people I love.
It’s more than wanting freedom to be with a man. I’ve never been scared of those feelings in the past. LA is crawling with hot men, and you have no pulse not to notice them.
Close-minded and insecure are not my flaws. With the violence I’ve survived, I’m all for more love in this world.
I didn’t remember the man from the club until that picture triggered my memory. He was funny. He had nice eyes. I bought him drinks, and he told me stories of growing up on a farm in Kansas. I remember… some story about a donkey had me rolling.
I don’t remember how it happened, but I remember him kneeling before me. I watched him, my cock almost not responding with all the vodka in my blood, but my heart wanted to. Because that man was hot and kind and funny, and I was damn lucky he was showing me his affection.
Because I needed it.
I went back the following week.
I remember the relief I felt to find him again; that sticks with me. One more night, we told stories. One more night, I gave him my affection, a sad excuse it must’ve been in my drunken stupor, but he returned my adoration, which must’ve been when the picture was taken.
Like a bullet of beauty, Cade charges around the corner of a condo building. There’s a swarm of deputies around her. Her hand is on her weapon, but she won’t draw it in public. Deputies cover the marina while she looks across it, and I swear she’s looking straight into my guilty heart.
It’s not guilt about attraction. It’s guilt about destruction because that’s what I’ve done… again.
I kissed Silas without thinking. It was a feeling, one so strong toward his big heart, and damn, I wish he’d put a shirt on. It was a kiss I’ll never forget, but it’s one that can destroy Cade’s delicate world.
I’ve done that too many times.
She heads this way, and Silas unlocks the hatch and pulls it open. He pokes his head out, and I hear her say, “Stay down until we’ve cleared the area.”
A police radio cracks. She talks on it while Silas looks back at me. I sit my guilty ass down on the sofa again and wait for this next injury.
It’ll hurt me.
But it’ll hurt Cade worse.
“They’re clearing the condo buildings and the other vessels.” Her voice nears, and I prepare myself for when she sees me sitting here.
“Okay.” Silas backs down the ladder and almost blocks me from her sight.
“Guess the dickhead buyer bailed on you?” she asks as she turns her back and descends into the cabin.
I can smell her perfume. BOUND. She’s wearing our scent again, and it wafts with memories I don’t deserve.
“No,” Silas answers.
“I’m the dickhead,” I answer, and you could crack Cade open with a thumbtack at her shock.
“You?”
She looks so badass. Tight black jeans. White tank. Black tactical boots. The woman could do a strip tease in hospital scrubs and make a dead man come.
“Since when do you want a boat?”
