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“Yes. But some things may never.” For the first time in years, Dad looks me in the eye, and I see the man I used to worship. “That’s why I got so angry, Son, because I was afraid. What you did at The Citadel? Hell, at many places. You could get hurt. Or killed.”
“You realize I’d get high-fives if I’d been caught with a girl? She’d get shamed, but I’d get notches on my belt. But because I fell in love with a man, a good man, my whole life got destroyed. And you were part of that destruction.”
“I was afraid for you. And people act out when they’re afraid.”
“Admit it, though.” The rain starts again. It’s a mist I’m thankful for because I’m fighting back tears to say it. “You were ashamed of me too. I saw it in your eyes.”
Many emotions pass over a person’s face. Shame is not one you forget when it’s cast your way. Years can pass, but it’s powerful and creeps up on you. The fight is not letting it pass across your face in the mirror. To not let someone else’s problem become yours.
A lump swallows down his throat. He looks away at the water, and I’ll wait an eternity to hear him at least say it.
“What I figured out this month. Hell, all these years without you was that I was ashamed of myself.” That shocks me. “I should’ve been stronger for you. I should’ve stood up for you.”
It starts to fracture. The ice around my heart for him. It starts to fall off in chunks into the ocean that’s separated us for too long.
Charlie was right; this hurt me more than I could admit. My parents rejecting me after so many years of love; it shredded my soul, and I wasn’t the same.
I settled for distractions. For easy companions. For partners for a night or maybe a few weeks. But no one got that close again. No one got to hold me or try to heal the tattered pieces of me inside.
We don’t need our parents’ approval to live our lives. But their love sure is nice to have if you can.
“I’m sorry, Son.” He faces me, and the words that free me the most fall from his lips. “I love you… and I’m sorry.”
It’s not fast. It’s not dramatic. He stands up and trods down the wet steps. I walk across sopping grass to meet him halfway, and it’s natural how our arms wrap around each other. I bite it back. Emotions flood me, and I just squeeze my dad once more.
“So does this mean you’re gonna get your wife back too?”
Dad pulls back from our embrace and grins. “I told you a man does for his family. That means he eats crow for them, too.”
“So when I show up at the Yacht Club with Cade Bryant, you’re proud.” I keep my grip on his shoulder. “What if I show up with a man instead? What happens then?”
Dad pulls in a deep breath. “I get used to it.”
“I deserve more than that. So does the person I love.”
“I’m human. I can change, but it ain’t overnight. I love you, and I’ll get used to it. Just be patient with me.” He grins. “I’ll welcome a man. But that Cade Bryant? She’s a hard diamond. You’d be a fool to give her up.”
I have to ask. I have to seize this moment because I’d rather confront it now in private than with dozens of witnesses. “What if I show up with a Cade and a man?”
Dad cocks his eyebrow. I can see the struggle in his eyes. Like I’m asking him to change from stripes to spots to stars… in seconds.
“Then I gotta give you a toast,” he says. “Because I don’t know where the hell you inherited the stamina for all that.”
The laugh is fast. It erupts from my chest, and I pull him in for another hug.
At least he’s honest.
At least he’s here.
At least he’s trying.
I don’t give him much time to backtrack. My dad said he’d try. Like “getting used to it” was a hit to first base, and he promised me a home run if I came to play.
So I do.
Like the World Series.
I accepted his invitation to an after-regatta party at my parents’ estate this weekend.
