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“Girl, don’t knock it till you tried it. Because those three—Ford, Luke, and Mateo—I swear they’re gonna be my salvation from this awful marriage.”
“Sounds like they got you praising God every day they’re here.”
“Uh-huh. That’s why this renovation is taking so long. I make sure of it.”
I love this woman. Who knew I’d find a close friend in someone married to my worst enemy?
But it does feel weird standing in Gentry’s house. Even though he’s not here, his evil’s in the air.
“What about you?” Stacey can read my tension. “Something’s wrong, I can tell.”
“The problem is something’s always wrong.”
I make a big box my seat, too. I’ll get dust on my jeans but don’t give a shit.
“I get a week of everything perfect, or a day of it, and shit goes sideways, and it’s all wrong because Redix is mad at me again.”
She puckers her rosy lips, considering my conundrum. She knows almost everything (except for the truth about TJ) and is equally torn.
“What happened to the break you were taking from them?” She challenges me. “You spent two months alone, and then you’re back with him and Silas. Is that what you want?”
“It took me two months to get my head together about who I love. I love ‘em both. And Silas and Redix are good for each other. They have their own bond, and I love it. I support it. Because Silas and me? We’ll always be close. I’m secure in that. Whatever the hell we call it.”
“But you and Redix?”
Her tone pushes that question front and center.
“But me and Redix…”
It’s the real question. One I’ve been asking myself for months.
I never used to question us. Not from the day we met at nine years old, and I gave Redix a candy cane and my heart. I knew we were meant to be together. So did he. That’s the heartbreak of it.
Those three men. That night. The ten years since. The crimes they’re still committing. The people they keep hurting. Everything keeps ripping me and Redix apart.
Everything makes me question us, when I only want one sure answer: how we can make it.
Because we have to.
“I can see it,” I tell Stacey. “I can see my life with Redix. Years from now, we’re married. We have kids, a house on a beach, and simple things like pizza nights and coffee in bed. And somehow, I know Silas is with us, too, and it’s easy. It works, and we don’t fight anymore. We’re finally healed and happy.”
Tears bite at my eyes. They burn at the vision in my heart, the dream that my soul knows is right… but it just won’t happen in my life.
I share through the few that fall. “But I can’t see how we get there. It’s like something’s gotta give. He gets so angry with me. Like it’s all my fault, and it’s not. He needs for us to move on, but we can’t yet. We’re stuck in this. And if we don’t get out soon, that dream will die.”
When I think of that. Of a life without loving Redix every day. Of not being by his side. I can live it… but it’ll ache with a painful void I know too well, one I can barely survive.
Stacey gets up and sits beside me, giving me the hug I need.
“Can I sound corny?” she asks.
“Please do.” I’ll take any answer.
“I believe in love. Even if I don’t have it yet. I still believe if you love someone, it’s not about being right while the other’s wrong. It’s about accepting each other.” She squeezes a little tighter. “And accepting ourselves.”
Maybe I need to accept that Redix will never condone what I did with TJ. He’ll always be angry about it. He doesn’t understand I don’t have a choice. Fate makes decisions for you sometimes.
“What about you?” I nudge Stacey. “Are you gonna keep accepting Gentry’s abuse?”
