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She stops short, her chest heaving with deep breaths, and then continues on ahead of me. We walk in my office, and she snatches up the printout. “I didn’t almost have kids with Troy,” she shouts. “We never set a date and he never gave me a ring.” She shrugs, but it’s overexaggerated. “Get over it! He was a decent guy who was kind and took me out every Friday night to the Presidio and he was fine with Wilford, so—”
“The Presidio?” I repeat. I roll my eyes. “Every Friday? Did you go at four so you could be sure to eat with all the retirees celebrating their Golden anniversaries? Come on, Soph, you’re meant for more excitement than that.”
Her jaw is set at what looks like a painful angle. She swallows. “Life isn’t just about excitement, Oliver. You’re such a…a thrill seeker that you don’t take time to smell the roses. My life here is good.”
I don’t exactly know what my point is, just that I want her to understand one thing.
“You deserve a lot better. That’s all.” I throw my hands up and feel stupid for the way my voice cracked at the end. “And being ‘fine’ with Wilford is not acceptable. That boy is a beast and a rockstar and you deserve someone who appreciates him as much as you do.”
Her lips twitch, but she glares at me again. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Now I’ve really done it. I’ve ticked her off, and I haven’t even said what I wanted to say, which is:I want to be the better man you deserve.
I shake my head. “You’re right. I don’t know what I’m talking about,” I say. “I want you to do what makes you truly happy, that’s all.”
Her eyes are like fire. “I don’t need you telling me what I can and can’t do, or what does or doesn’t make me happy. You have no right, Oliver.”
“Exactly, I have no right,” I agree. “But maybe I want to have a right somehow. I’ve wasted so much time and I—” I take a step forward. I wish we could pick up where we left off on the far shore.
“I’m sorry, Soph. I’m realizing things that I should have realized long ago. And I can’t go back in time, but it doesn’t hurt to try to make up for what was lost, right? I mean, I’m here now and I think you’re an incredible woman…” I trail off.
“You’re leaving Longdale in a few months.” Her voice is sharp.
“Don’t you ever want to go sometimes? Even just for a year or so? You don’t have to stay here forever.” Sometimes I wonder why anyone could want to stay here long term.
“I know that, Oliver. This is my choice. I—” There’s something in her eyes, like the defensiveness in her tone might be more to convince herself than me. She presses out a palm. “I’m not leaving and you’re not staying. So? What then? What is there to discuss?”
“I could probably come back here, though, after Capri is up and running,” I offer, but at that thought, my chest clamps shut. I don’t want to live in Longdale. Sometimes the fresh, clear air here feels suffocating. I can’t explain it, but it’s real.
“Probably?” She shakes her head. “You should see your face right now. You look like you swallowed something bitter.” She starts to pace. “I would never ask you to do something you find so difficult.”
She gives me a worn smile, then pushes past me. When she reaches the door and goes to turn the knob, she whips back around. I brace myself, because it seems like she’s going to yell. But she just looks at me, like she’s trying to assemble all the fractured parts of me into a recognizable whole.
“There’s a staff bonfire on the beach tomorrow night. Will you come with me?” I ask.
Her mouth moves without sound before she says. “I don’t know.”
“It’s up to you. It starts at eight and I wasn’t planning on going because…” I shrug. “Because it would bug Sebastian more if I didn’t. But now that you’re an official freelancer employee person, I can invite you.”
“Maybe.” She turns the doorknob.
“If you decide to come, it’s going to be over by the dock. You know, through the tree canopy.”
“If I can come, I’ll look for the big fire on the beach. That should clue me in on where to go.” She leaves, closing the door soundly.
The whiff of passive aggression from her that I used to find so funny feels different now that it’s directed at me.
The past half hour was terrible. I was an unthinking idiot.
But at least I finally opened my mouth and started the conversation. To what end, I don’t know. Probably nothing.
At least I said something, and she didn’t run screaming from my office. Was she happy when she left? Absolutely not. But she didn’t run screaming.
I feel like I’m the guy from the movieDumb and Dumber.So, you’re saying there’s a chance!
I’ve opened a door. It might be one of those tiny, rounded hobbit doors, leading to a fantasy land that goes nowhere. But at least it’s open now. And all I know is, I don’t want to ever do anything again to make it close.
Chapter 14
