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“I’ve had a hard time sleeping the last few nights. Finally figured out it’s because I have a lot on my mind.” She gives me a steely look.
Oh boy. Here we go.
“Well, let’s get started then. What’s on your mind?” I hope I sound inviting. I really do want Stella to share her thoughts. I need her thoughts—I’ve just been trying to pretend I don’t, and that hasn’t been working.
“When Alec and Oakley got engaged last month, I couldn’t have been happier for them.” She eyes me carefully, squinting like that might help her peer into the depths of my soul.
“Me, too. They’re a good couple.”
“You know who else is a good couple.” She doesn’t say it with the tone of a question. It’s a statement. A formality to give herself permission to discuss the hard things.
I drag in a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Stella, Elianna and I shouldn’t have been a couple to begin with. Besides, I thought we were being careful. How did you know?”
“I could tell, Sebastian. And why do you think you shouldn’t have been a couple?” Her smirk makes my breath hitch.
“I was her boss. It was doomed from the beginning. We shouldn’t have gotten involved like that.”
“What a bunch of baloney.” She rolls her eyes. “Sebastian, that’s not the truth and if you look at the situation for longer than five seconds you’ll see that. Youdoknow that, you just don’twantto know that.”
My stomach turns, and I have to start counting to ten. I have a low tolerance for others’ anger, another one of my many faults, and something I’m trying to work on.
It’s not that Stella’s angry, though, I remind myself. She’s just passionate about the causes she believes in, and apparently, she believes in the Elianna and Sebastian cause.
“After Alec proposed and we set up the party for them, I saw your face. You’re so proud of your brothers and that was showing. But also? There was an ache there. An ache for what Alec and Oliver have.”
“I’m not in a position to have what they have,” I say slowly, still counting up and down from ten in my mind.
“Sebastian, do you love Elianna?”
I swallow hard. “I don’t know.”
At Stella’s raised brow, my gaze drops to the floor.
“Yes, I do. But I’m not going to get involved with her just to hurt her.”
“I have a news flash for you, Sebastian. You already have hurt her. And moving forward in a relationship with her, you’re going to keep hurting her.”
I feel my eyes grow wide, the bile in my throat surfacing. “I don’t want that. I can’t do that to her.”
“We hurt one another all the time. That’s what relationships are. Now, I’m not talking about abuse of any kind, of course. That should not be tolerated. But the kind of hurts I’m referring to are the ups and downs of life. In every relationship that’s important to us, there’s a rupture of some kind, there always is. But then it’s how we make the repairs that matter.” She reaches out to pat my shoulder. “We rupture, then we repair, we rupture, then we repair. That’s how relationships get stronger over time. It’s theonlyway.”
We’re quiet for a long time. “I’d rather just not hurt anyone,” I say. “I don’t trust myself.”
“So you’d rather let her walk away, in pain, than be by her side to help one another through it?”
“No. But—” I search her expression. “I tried before.”
Stella cocks her head to one side. “What was her name? Lily? Sebastian, do you understand how much you’ve grown and changed since then? What you did with her has no bearing on what you’ll do now.”
“But, my father.” The blood is rushing in my ears.
“The choices my brother made with his family have alienated me from him, maybe forever. I’m trying to forgive him, but it’s really hard. And I’m very sorry he was so absent, so spiteful. But look, Sebastian. Just because he did the things he did, doesn’t mean you will.”
“But I’m just like him.”
Stella snorts and then starts to laugh. She keeps laughing, which reminds me a little of Elianna.
Finally, she wipes the tears from her eyes. “Whew. Sorry. I think I’m a little tired. But when you said you were just like him, I couldn’t help but laugh. Sebastian, you’re nothing like him. You are a fierce protector of this family, and that’s not him at all. You are your own man. You live life in your own way. You arenotThomas Tate.”
