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I want to believe that. But even Stella can’t tell the truth one hundred percent of the time, no one can. And I’m scared this is one of those times.
“But what if I end up doing the things he’s done? I care too much about her to do that to her.”
“If you find yourself heading down those roads, you’ll stop and make repairs. I know this about you. You’ll course correct. You’re a dogged course corrector, one of the best ones I’ve ever known. You’ll rupture and repair all the way through, and it’s going to be glorious.” Her eyes brim with tears, and because it’s Stella, mine start to burn, too.
If there’s any truth to what she’s saying, I’ll hop on a plane and go wrap Elianna in my arms right now. But there’s another fear that plagues me.
“Are you forgetting she left? She doesn’t want a life with me.” The pain of that is almost too much to bear.
“I think her leaving was actually a good idea.” She holds up her palm. “Now, hear me out. You have concerns about dating an employee, right? Well, she’s not that anymore. I don’t think you want her back as your assistant, Sebastian, so maybe give her a reason to come back as something different—something more.”
I sigh and switch the leg I’m crossing over the other at the knee. I open my mouth to object, or maybe just ask questions, but she pats my knee and stands.
“Come here and give me a hug before I go,” she says, her arms wide.
I peel myself off the couch and wrap her up in a bear hug. I almost ask her to stay so she can tell me exactly how to go about all these grand plans she’s schemed up, but I know she won’t. She’s not prescriptive in her advice, something I wish weren’t the case.
Because maybe I should do the things she’s saying, but I have no idea how.
Chapter 36
Elianna
“I think everything’s been ordered, so now it’s a matter of waiting and trying not to die from the anticipation,” I tell Gabriel over the phone. I’ve taken up residence on Dori’s apartment balcony and it’s become my office of sorts, since her couch is already my bed and her linen closet holds everything else.
“It’s going to be great,” Gabriel says. “And you’ve received RSVPs from everyone, right?”
“Surprisingly, almost everyone can attend.” It’s a fact that gets my heart pounding in my ears again. Thirty-one people, the biggest movers and shakers in Sebastian’s professional life from this past year, are descending on Tate International headquarters in Longdale in less than a week.
A fact he knows little about.
“I think the timing of it was perfect,” Gabriel says. “A few days before Thanksgiving. A lot of people take that whole week off anyway. Glad we’ll get a good turn out.”
“Me, too.” My voice sours and I try to hold my tears at bay.
“And hey. Regardless of what happens, you’ve done an amazing thing, pulling all of this together.”
I laugh. “I know.” If it sounds conceited, oh well. I’ve worked really hard on this, and I’m proud of what’s taken place.
The idea came to me as I was pulling into Dana Point mid-afternoon the day after I unceremoniously quit Tate International over two months ago. Palisades Drive was looking especially shimmery, glimmers of sun catching on the flecks of diamond-like stones incorporated into the surface of most of the buildings lining the street.
“I’m so grateful to be back.” I said aloud, to no one in particular since Destiny’s Child was fast asleep on the passenger’s seat. Overwhelming gratitude overtook me as I took in the houses on either side.
But was it that I was grateful to be back? Or was this feeling a sense of thankfulness for all that I’d experienced here in my life? Something about it felt like a chapter was closing. And on the long drive there, a dark stone had settled inside of me. I longed for Sebastian. I wanted him back in my life, in my arms.
I couldn’t have that. Not when I fled like a pilgrim. But because I couldn’t run right back to Colorado, a plan started cooking in my brain, something that involved helping Sebastian from a distance. Something that involved gratitude.
I had no idea what, but soon, I had Gabriel on the phone and together, we hatched a plan. I designed invitations on heavy cream paper, spoke with the caterers at The Summit about a menu, and ordered items for small gift bags. Over the next few weeks, Oakley and Sophie became part of it all, too, fielding phone calls, meeting with the party décor people—doing all the things I couldn’t do from long distance.
“I can’t believe it’s finally here,” I tell Gabriel, my eyes scanning the horizon for the shimmery line of the ocean visible from Dori’s balcony bistro set. The view isn’t as good as the playhouse, which is right on Capistrano Beach. But it’s been enough to sustain me, in between times when I can drive over to the playhouse and take an evening walk on the sand with Destiny’s Child.
“You’re coming, right?” Gabriel asks.
I wasn’t going to. This was going to be my way of thanking Sebastian from here, out of the limelight. A way to apologize. I’m just the party planner here, I keep telling everyone. I wasn’t going to go because what would be the point? He doesn’t need me. I haven’t heard from him, besides the calls, texts, and voicemails from the day I left. When I asked him to give me some space and time, he did.
Way too much space and time.
But now that it’s here, I can’t stay away. I want to see this through, make sure everything is just right. “Not for the actual event,” I tell Gabriel. “I’ll fly into Denver the night before, and then spend the day setting up. I’m not going to attend.”
