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Jasper and I had used condoms every time we’d had sex, but I understood his concern.
“Last Thursday after meeting with a client, and I was given the all clear,” I assured him, swiping an arm over my wet eyes. “Elite requires biweekly bloodwork and condoms for employees and PrEP for the MM branch. We aren’t allowed to go without.”
“And you haven’t been with anyone but me since your last results?”
“No.”
“Will you tell me the rest? Everything else you’re ashamed of or feel you ought to be embarrassed about?”
I studied Jasper’s intense gaze, the lack of judgment, his desire to understand me fully. A sense of peace stole over the unease wrecking my insides, bringing quiet calm. Hope that we might be okay after all. I blew out a heavy exhale. “You want to know about Joseph.”
“If it would help to talk about the experience and get better closure, then yes.”
Kellen had told me to be honest, to share everything with Jasper—and I wanted to be relieved of the entire burden I’d carried for what seemed like years rather than almost three weeks.
Joseph had drugged my drink, and whatever it was had made my dick harder than any blue pill. It had also caused the rest of my body to become compliant, my mind on the edge of euphoria. I hadn’t appreciated being drugged like that, but the boy loved to party, and I’d been paid to please him. Thinking of the money that would be dropped in my bank account, I’d agreed to being tied up.
“Perhaps a part of me had hoped Joseph would want to take being in charge to another level…that maybe he would top me, but he went beyond fucked up. He changed into a fairy princess outfit—a sparkly, pink tutu, satin jockstrap, and iridescent wings strapped to his back.”
Jasper shifted at my description of Joseph’s attire, his tension palpable, but he didn’t interrupt.
“Rather than giving me what I’d wanted, he rode me twice instead, denying me an orgasm both times.”
“Jesus Christ,” Jasper choked on the words before swallowing hard.
I plowed forward, needing to just get the story out. No longer hidden so I could finally be free.
“Once bored, he moved on to his other kink beyond ropes. His knife. While sitting on my chest, he’d bragged about its cost and how he’d gotten off on drawing blood from men like me. I—I’d begged him to untie me, but he ignored my pleadings and took his knife to my chest. I’d never seen such manic light in a person’s eyes before, nor had I heard such sick words of claiming.”
“Mason—”
“No.” I shook my head. “I—I have to finish. Please.”
Jasper’s amber eyes were tortured, and the hitch in his shoulders made me want to crush him to my chest and offerhimcomfort.
“Nothing you’ve done or said has reminded me of him—nothing,” I reiterated. “You make me forget. Give me new, better memories.”
Lips pressed tightly, Jasper glanced away and nodded. “Tell me the rest, Mason,” he whispered, his eyes shutting. “Every fucking thing he did. I-I have to hear it.”
“His untouched cock pulsed cum while he’d carved his initial into me. I puked while screaming for him to stop, then again when he sliced across his own chest, just enough to cause red droplets to well at his wound. He laid atop me, smearing our blood and his seed together, claiming something about a deep bond that no one would ever be able to break. How I would be his forever. I passed out at that point.” I still clutched Jasper’s hand, needing his touch to keep me from falling back into the vivid memories in my mind. “When I woke up, I’d been untied, cleaned, and bandaged. The drugs had worn off, and I felt nothing but exhaustion with a fuzzy recollection of what had gone down. Like my mom, Joseph had manipulated me when I’d questioned what he’d done. He attempted to twist my memory of the incident to make me think I had somehow been in the wrong, not him.
“It wasn’t until a few days later that I realized my shame, the pain, was due to falling for his emotional abuse. That I’d allowed someone, a much younger man, to control my feelings when I’d had years of practice at remaining unmoved by a narcissist. In that moment, I recognized the full extent of my weakness, and I have been struggling ever since to gain the sense of self he stole from me.”
Jasper’s throat worked for a few seconds before he found his voice. “You are one of the strongest men I know,” he rasped, his eyes on our clasped hands.
Tears once more slid down my cheeks, and I burrowed into his chest, choosing to believe his lie.
Chapter18
Jasper
When I’d first knocked on the door—hell, even driving to Mason’s apartment, I’d been burdened by riotous thoughts. Not sure what to believe. Had Mason played me for a chump because I’d been so quick to trust him? Was he simply a product of his mom’s manipulations and took back control by doing the same to others?
I just couldn’t see it being that way, and the second he had opened the door to my knock, the tumultuous emotions rolling off him had told me all I needed to know. Like Troy had suggested, Mason had been truthful with me—but not completely.
One look in his tortured eyes, and I’d forgiven him. Trusted him as I’d done since the evening we’d met.
And the shit Mason had spewed at my insistence…
