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I fell asleep once more, tangled in his arms, his steady heart beating beneath my ear, the heat of his skin against my cheek.
Jasper was my safe place, and I would face whatever hell was necessary in order to keep him.
Chapter20
Jasper
The stars aligned for my lover, and days passed without any more nightmares creeping in to ruin Mason’s sleep.
I went to work and came home sometimes to dinner and candlelight. Mason wasn’t a chef by any means, but the effort he put into our meals warmed my heart. We cleaned up together regardless of who cooked, a deep friendship developing atop the physical connection we nurtured almost every night.
Mason suggested he ought to stay at his apartment after a week straight in my bed, but I wouldn’t allow it. The idea of him not being beside me while sleeping brought about a discomfort I didn’t care for one bit. He’d been meant to be by my side, and I wouldn’t hear otherwise.
But it was too soon to insist he just pack up all his shit and move it into my place. We would get there though, probably sooner than later.
I brought Mason to Humanity House with me one morning to meet Zeke. My friend had agreed to have a session with him before office hours, and Mason had insisted I sit in with them. He’d claimed he had nothing to hide, that he wanted me to hear every memory, every thought in his mind so there would never be questions about his past nor miscommunication between us.
The three of us chuckled over that last bit, knowing full well there was no stopping things from being taken the wrong way or even coming out incorrectly. It was Mason’s heart that mattered, so I agreed to join in with them on a weekly basis. The first had been a deep dive into his childhood, the manipulations of his mother, and their lack of contact once he’d moved out at twenty.
It had been Mason’s suggestion to start from the beginning, rip the Band-Aid off, and get to the root of the matter. He had no wish to waste time in his drive to fix what he saw as broken.
But I found him to be as beautiful as he claimed I was. Every flaw, every sharp-edged piece, every scar—he belonged to me, and I adored him. Yes, he tended to be a slob, and I expected some days I would probably gripe about boxer briefs on the bathroom floor and damp towels not properly hung up on the drying rack, but the little stuff wouldn’t change my intensifying attachment to him.
I studied the man sitting beside me, the strong profile of his nose and moving lips as he spoke to Zeke. We sat for our second session, my heart happy over how Mason’s face revealed his true self. No mask covered his emotions, no veil shadowed his inner thoughts. He’d found a sense of freedom in my acceptance and a safe space with Zeke as well because of my trust in my friend.
Mason laid himself bare while clinging to my hand, and I felt beyond thankful for the opportunity to be with him and support him in his personal growth.
But mine? It had stalled out years earlier.
I was stuck in the mud, still hearing my dad’s voice telling me how useless of a man-child I was. No matter my self-sacrificing, I’d never measured up, and I hated that he continued to control me from the grave.
I longed to break free. Bemein every sense—
“I’ve always been afraid to reveal myself,” Mason said, his thumb stroking over the back of my hand, “but Jasper makes mewantto be a better man.”
Fuck, fuck, fuck.
My throat tightened, and I bit my tongue as I’d done throughout our first session with Zeke. Our meetings weren’t about me and my issues, nor did I have a right to influence or guide Mason. This path he’d agreed to traverse allowed me to walk beside him, but in this, he led.
I hoped to help, prove myself useful to him beyond what he’d already claimed I’d done. Remaining silent hurt as much as the grief I experienced over the part of me I’d buried in order to keep Mason.
A few long minutes later, our time together ran out, and we left Zeke’s office, heading down Humanity House’s back corridor toward the rear exit.
“You were amazing today,” I told Mason, squeezing his hand.
The smile on his face and the light in his eyes sent a sweet ache through my chest. He thrived beneath words of praise, and I gave them to him every chance I got.
“Thank you for staying with us again,” Mason said. “It makes it easier to not hold back with Zeke.”
“Anything for you, baby.” I pushed open the heavy metal door that led to the employee parking lot. We’d both driven since I had work for the next eight hours, and Mason had an interview for the job opening with Silas’s business. We ambled toward his car I’d helped him clean out, thrilled with how he fared in keeping the interior tidy due to that checklist I’d created for him on my own fridge.
“Good luck with your interview,” I told him, taking him into my arms once we reached his vehicle. I pressed my lips to his temple, wanting to melt at how he nuzzled his whiskers into my neck and gently kissed me.
“Thanks,” he murmured, his breath hot on my skin.
A shiver slid down my spine, lifting the hairs on my nape. I wasn’t usually ticklish, but I would deal to enjoy just a few more precious seconds of his attention.
He stepped back way too soon, his eyes at rest. Happy.
