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A soft, shaky laugh escaped me, and I finally wrapped my arms around his neck, leaning into the precious moment I couldn’t believe was reality.
“You know what would be really sexy?” He grabbed my ass and squeezed.
“Hmm?” I toyed with the hair at the nape of his neck, completely and utterly gone on my man.
“Mascara on your eyelashes. Blush on your cheekbones, and gloss on your lips.”
My inhale snagged.
“Is that something you would like?” he murmured, once more studying my face.
“Fuck, Mase.” More tears welled in my eyes. “Yes,” I choked on the word.
He wrapped his arms tighter around me. “Will you tell me why you’ve felt the need to hide this side of yourself from me?”
I tipped my forehead against his chin, eyes clenched, and breathed steadily until I calmed enough to speak. “One of my earliest memories was from kindergarten when my father mocked my tears over having to wear a collared shirt for my first school picture. Green and blue…with three buttons. I’d put on a fuchsia blouse from my mother’s closet and had gone down for breakfast, excited over how pretty I looked.
“He’d ripped it off me. Reminded me that I was aboy. It was the first time I heard the word faggot and that I was nothing more than a waste of his seed.”
Mason made a low, pained sound in his throat.
“My mother cowered in the kitchen’s corner rather than protecting me or speaking up in my defense,” I continued, unable to hide the continuing hurt from my voice. “In all the years that followed, she never corrected whenever he said I had no value, no worth, as a son. That school picture hung on prominent display in my parent’s living room, my father’s reminder of what he expected of his only child. I burned the image the night he passed.”
“I’m so fucking sorry you went through that.”
I heaved a heavy exhale. “There was no forgiveness or reconciliation between us due to years of verbal, emotional, and physical abuse.”
“Look at you now,” he murmured and kissed my forehead. “You’ve not just risen above the ashes like a glorious phoenix, but you’ve turned death into something achingly gorgeous. I wouldn’t change a damned thing about you. And as for being useless?” He snorted. “You brought me back from the edge of barely living. You’ve filled my life with happiness and love. I couldn’t survive a day without you, Jasper. You’re necessary to me. I’m going to cherish and hoard you away where only I can touch you for years to come.”
My throat tightened up again.
I’d been stuck beneath my father’s influence, unable to get out from beneath the memory of his conditional love. He’d kept me from living long after he rotted in the ground.
But Mason…
He’d become my savior—so I dropped to my knees to worship him, work be damned.
Chapter27
Jasper
Mason’s and my relationship thrived as the summer days gave way to cooler apple-picking weather. We met together with Zeke on a weekly basis, working side by side on our continued emotional healing.
He made friends outside Elite, mostly his co-workers in Silas’s company, but with Zeke’s husband Levi as well. We’d had them over for dinner a few times and vice versa. Mason even began volunteering at Humanity House on Tuesday nights.
As for me?
I embraced the desires I’d kept secret for far too long all due to a man who could no longer hurt me. While I saved the mascara and more feminine clothing for enjoyment in the privacy of our home, I wore pretty panties every day beneath my suits, every morning whispering a bigFUCK YOUin my mind. I used gloss to keep my lips moist. I even gave up the more masculine deodorant and body spray for something lighter and more feminine.
The best news had come in mid-September. Mason’s brother-in-law had gotten a new job with insurance that would cover the cost of Mason’s nephew’s need for constant care and medical treatments. A burden had lifted off my lover’s shoulders, and I cried tears along with him while he FaceTimed with his sister.
No one had noticed—or had chosen not to mention—the mascara tracks on my cheeks or the fact a purple negligee hung off one of my shoulders when I couldn’t keep from moving onscreen to offer my congratulations in person.
Mason had wondered once upon a time if Marin’s family loved him, but there was no denying the emotions on their faces. Smiling, eyes shining, they crowded Marin’s cell screen to better see him, both boys begging for him to visit until their mom grew annoyed and told them to quiet down.
My heart ached for Mason, and I couldn’t help but feel a little jealous he had family who seemed to adore him.
I promised him that someday soon we would fly to Montana to finally meet his brother-in-law and nephews in person and spend time with them.
