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But what was my alternative?
Marry the guy?
Allow another year to bind us together? Another decade to pass as I made a home with the wrong man and beared his children, all while I cried myself to sleep over another?
I couldn’t.
I wouldn’t.
It’s now or never.
Inhaling a deep breath, I sat taller, took his hand from my cheek, and said, “Joel...I love you—”
“And I love you. I was thinking. When I’ve won a few more competitions, we should go away together. You finish high school at the end of the year. We could go travelling and maybe even get hitched in Bali—”
I clutched his fingers; my heart fisted. “Joel. You didn’t let me finish.”
He grinned. “Sorry. Go ahead.”
I flinched.
God, this was so, so hard.
“I love you, Joel...but...I-I love you the way Zara loves you.”
It took a moment for my message to sink in. The light in his eyes snapped to black. Disgust wrinkled his forehead as he slowly pulled his hand from mine. “What are you saying?”
“I’m saying...I...” I hunched in horror. “I love you as a friend. I love you as—”
“Fucking hell. You’re saying you love me like a brother? What the fuck, Neri?” Leaping to his feet, he didn’t care a few tourists looked our way. “What the fuck does that mean?”
My heart pounded, and sweat broke out down my spine. “I’m so sorry. I truly am. I didn’t mean for this to happen. I never meant to hurt you. I hate that I—”
“Hold on.” He raked a hand through his hair, shaking his head. “This can’t be happening. Please fucking tell me you’re not breaking up with me.”
My shoulders slouched. “I didn’t want to do it here. I wanted to go somewhere—”
“You could’ve done it at home. In my room. In the bed we’ve shared more times than I can count. You could’ve given me a chance to fix things before you—”
“I couldn’t do this at your place.” I swallowed tears. Tears at the thought of losing his sister, not him. God, if she overheard the pain in her brother’s voice, she would’ve murdered me in her kitchen.
“Fuck me, I’m such an idiot!” He didn’t lower his voice, and more eyes turned toward us. “You didn’t want to do this at my place because you didn’t want Zara to overhear us, right?”
I couldn’t hide my wince.
“I knew it! I knew you two were close, but I figured that worked for all of us. We’re already one big happy family, Nerida. I love you. She loves you. You love her, and I stupidly thought you loved me. We could’ve been so good together. We could’ve been happy.”
“I’m so sorry.”
“Stop saying that. If you were sorry, you wouldn’t be doing this!”
“I didn’t mean to hurt you, Joel.”
“Bullshit! You knew exactly what you were doing.” Pacing a little, knocking shoulders with a young guy trying to get the bartender’s attention, he spun back to face me. “Wait...this is about him, isn’t it?”
I narrowed my eyes, swiping at the few tears on my cheek. “Him? Him who?”
“Don’t play games with me, Nerida.” Shoving his face into mine, he spat. “Aslan. That bastard who never takes his fucking eyes off me whenever I come round to your place. That fucking asshole who looks at you as if you’re his, and he’s one decision away from punching me for touching you. That prick who grabbed me around the neck last year and said if I ever hurt you, he’d hunt me down and make me wish I was dead.”
